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Determined to make the most of having the house to myself, I flung back the heavy drapes and muscled open windows that protested the unaccustomed action. Every room received the same treatment, though some windows needed a bit more convincing to separate from their sills. My breaths came in short puffs by the time I finished, but a smile spread across my face as I surveyed the light flooding inside.
With renewed vigor, I took care of my usual chores. Once noon rolled around, I decided to take my lunch in the garden, surrounded by the blooms and perfume of the flowers. They were a bit overgrown and unkept since the men who tended them had been preoccupied with making sure the carriage was in good order, but it gave me the perfect opportunity to gather some.
Finishing my lunch, I trimmed back the worst of the overgrowth, making a bundle for the vases in each room. With sunlight flooding through the windows and the flowers filling the air with their pleasant scent, I went ahead and took care of the dust and cobwebs that were usually neglected for the things Aunt Mary kept me busy with.
Without the interruptions and threats of punishment looming over me, I found myself enjoying the tasks, and although it took the rest of the day, by the time I stopped to make myself a simple dinner, I was pleased with how nice the house looked. I was usually forced to take my meals at the counter in the kitchen, but with the others gone, I lit a lamp in the dining room and set a place for myself. My aunt had canceled our usual deliveries for the duration of their trip, but there was plenty in the kitchen to keep me fed for the days they would be gone, though it would leave the stores bare by the time the others returned.
Settling at the table with my food and a book I’d found while cleaning, I enjoyed my meal in peace, reading until the lamp burned low. I hadn’t been allowed to go to the school the last governor had put in place, but my mother had taught me to read as child, and though I rarely had the time to, I enjoyed it. It was the only escape I had from my life of drudgery, and I got caught up in the romance written on the pages.
Closing the book once my eyes grew too tired to focus on the words, it only took a few moments to clean my dish and put it away. Exhaustion caught up with me, and I went to my room, pretending my threadbare blankets were the plush, downy bedding described in the book.
I fell into a routine over the next two days, where I spent the morning cleaning and working on the list of chores my aunt had come up with, before packing myself a picnic lunch and going for a walk in the woods. It was easy to find my way home since all I had to do was put the mountains to my back and keep the setting sun to my left. No matter how far I had wandered, I’d either find the town, or the river than ran on the far side of it down to the coast.
It was the day before my birthday, and the ceremony in Perlynn, when I decided to tackle the attic. As far as I knew, no one had been in the attic during the time I’d lived in the house, and I was curious what I’d find up there. I needed to replace my dress, hopefully before winter came and I was left to shiver in the threadbare fabric, and if I really got lucky, I might even find more bedding for my nest.
Lowering the ladder, I climbed the steps to peek through the hole. Dim light filtered through the windows at each end, enough for me to see without the need of the lamp I’d brought, so I set it down before climbing the rest of the way up.
To my surprise, it wasn’t the jumbled mess I’d expected. Old furniture covered in sheets lined the walls, with rows of chests filling the floor space. Curiosity eating at me, I turned in a circle as I looked around, trying to decide where to start. The dust I kicked up tickled my nose and I had to bite back a sneeze, but I was excited at the prospect of so many chests to look through.
Surely something would be in good enough condition for me to use.
Picking the east wall where the light was the strongest, I began my hunt, cleaning as I went. Peeking under sheets to see what had been cast aside in case I came across something useful, I went through each chest as I worked my way back toward the center of the room. I collected odds and ends that would make my life easier, like a bonnet that only needed a few stitches to repair, and an apron with a stain that I could hide with an extra pocket, but I still hadn’t found any useful cloth or dresses to replace mine by the time the attic became too warm for comfort.
Taking a break to eat lunch and prepare something for dinner, I heaved a sigh. If I didn’t find anything in the attic, my only other option would be to ask my aunt for a cast-off from Margaret, and I wasn’t sure what the response would be. I still remembered the last time I’d taken one of my cousin’s old dresses, and the muscles of my back tightened in remembered pain.
Margaret had told me to toss the dress due to a rip in the hem and missing lace around the bodice. There was nothing wrong with the rest of the dress, and since I wasn’t worried about it being shorter than society standards, I simply removed the part that had been torn and sewed a new hem. I’d removed the rest of the lace, setting it aside in case it could be used on something else, then taken in the sides so it fit my slimmer waist.
The first time I’d worn it in front of Margaret, my cousin had stared at me so long it made my skin crawl, before she’d finally asked me if it was her dress. I had been serving the family dinner, and when both Aunt Mary and William turned to inspect me, I’d bowed my head and put my hands behind my back. I’d stammered my explanation that it was, indeed, the dress Margaret had said to throw away, and I hadn’t thought they would mind since it would have been wasted otherwise.
The look on my aunt’s face as she’d stood had turned my blood to ice and frozen me in place. I hadn’t even moved when my aunt gripped a knife from the table as she approached. Spinning me to face the wall, my aunt had cut open the dress, yanking the top down over my shoulders until my back was exposed. She’d given me ten lashes with the belt William handed her, while scolding me for being a thief.
The blood-soaked dress had been tossed on the fire after my aunt marched me to the kitchen. She’d pulled out a ragged tablecloth that I had planned to use for cleaning rags, and had told me that was all I was allowed since I couldn’t be trusted.
I had only been fourteen summers at the time, but it was something I’d never forgotten.
I waited until the heat of the day passed before returning to the attic. Determined to find something to use, even if it was one of the sheets covering the furniture, I moved to the west end of the room to start my search again. There weren’t as many chests on this side, the west end taken up with a bulky old dresser and a musty bed that was held together with little more than cobwebs, so it wasn’t long before I was almost back to the center of the room.
The few chests of clothing I had found had been stored improperly, and were too moth-eaten to be of any use, or were children’s clothing far too small for me. I despaired of finding anything as I came to the last chest, shoved into the small space between the edge of the entrance to the attic and the wall.
Settling on the floor, I wiped away the dust before pushing the lid open and peeking inside. I’d noticed that the things closer to the ends of the room were older, and it appeared I’d found the newest addition to the lost memories of the attic.
The light had dimmed to the point that it was hard to see, but since it was the last chest, I wasn’t willing to give up yet. Reaching inside the shadowed interior, my heart began to race as my fingers encountered smooth cloth. I let out a cry as I lifted it, the folds of a simple brown dress unrolling in my lap. The fabric was flawless, and still held the faint scent of the blooms that had been placed in the chest with it.
Daring to hope for more good luck, I set the dress beside me and leaned forward to get a better look inside. My eager fingers pulled out another bundle of cloth, this time a light cloak that was better than anything I’d ever had.
Tears streamed down my cheeks unchecked. Though I’d hoped to find something I could use, I had never dreamed of such good fortune. The simple pair of sturdy shoes I pulled out next tore a sob from my throat, and I hugged them to my chest as I tried to get my emotions under control.
Surely my aunt wouldn’t begrudge me castoffs from the attic?
It was too dark to see inside the chest to check for anything else, but since it was small, I knew it couldn’t hold much more. Gulping in deep breaths of dusty air, I whispered a thanks to the gods and gathered up the clothing.
Carrying it through the dark house to the kitchen where a fire still burned, keeping my dinner warm, I knelt on the hearth to take a closer look at my findings. Shaking out the dress, I held it to my shoulders, marveling at the even color and delicate stitching on the sleeves. While it was a simple dress that someone of my aunt’s station wouldn’t wear, it was made of quality material and looked like it would fit me perfectly.
Setting it aside where it was safe from the flames and soot, I lifted out the shoes next. An important find for me, they would be useless if they were too small. Sliding my slippers off my feet, I held my breath as I dipped my toes into the first shoe.
The grin that stretched my face was so wide it hurt. The shoes were a little big, but with a bit of padding in the toe, they would be better than what I had.
As long as my aunt didn’t notice, I’d be comfortable for once. I still wished I’d found something more for my nest, but at least I wouldn’t have to worry about my dress ripping or hurting my feet on stones.
