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“Jillian Hathaway, rumors are beneath you.”
“I don’t know what to believe, Mother. Everything is shrouded in secrecy. I’m done being that secret. I’m proud of my life. I’m proud of my choices. I’m proud of my family. No more secrets. Ever again.”
“Would you prefer our secrets be aired out like dirty laundry on the clothing wire?”
“Yes,” I state easily, catching my breath and calming myself. I get into the backseat of the truck and lay Ainsley’s head on my lap. “Good-bye.”
I close the door and nod to Luke that I’m okay and he can start driving. My parents’ home is lit up with bright lights in the entryway, and I see my mother staring at our car as we drive away.
I never fight with my mother. All these years, I’ve done as she said, believing she had the best intentions for me. I still believe that, I suppose. I might hate my mother, yet I love her. In her own weird way, she looks out for me. The fact that I disagree with everything she says is a problem.
The drive back to my townhouse is short, as we live a few miles away, toward the heart of Greenwood Village. Ainsley is asleep when we get back. I carry her to her bedroom and lay her on her side. I place a bowl on the floor near her bed in case she gets sick again. A glass of black soda from my secret stash is on her nightstand. Hopefully, it will be flat by the time she needs to drink it.
I leave her door open and walk downstairs.
Luke isn’t in the kitchen or living room. I look up in my bedroom, and he’s not there either. I find him outside, leaning against his truck. His hands are in his pockets as he looks down at the pavement.
“She’s in bed. I’m gonna sleep in her room tonight in case she gets sick again,” I state, rubbing my arms against the evening chill.
Luke nods yet keeps his eyes trained on the ground. “Does she do this often?”
“Not since she was diagnosed as an infant.” I take a step forward. “I think she’s okay. She just needs to rest and get some food and drinks in her. Her coloring looked good when I just laid her down. Come inside. It’s cold out here.”
He shakes his head. “I’m leaving.”
“Why are you leaving?”
“I don’t think I should stay tonight.” His voice is calm. There’s a sadness to Luke’s tone, similar to the night he showed up on this very doorstep, groveling. This rugged man, who can be so strong and commanding, has a vulnerable side that radiates through his pores. “She was right, Jillian. I’m a lowlife.”
“Not this again.” I fall back on my heels and rub my palms together. “The past is the past. Unless what she’s saying is right and you did seek me out because you know you’re dying and want someone to care for you—”
“No. Never. I’d rather kill myself than have you waste a day looking out for me.”
My stomach drops with his words. “Luke,” I breathe.
“I messed up in a way a man should never. If someone did to Ainsley what I did to you, I’d kill them.” He rubs his hand against his chest and looks at me. Those golden flecks are hidden by the darkness in his gaze. “I’m Ainsley’s father, and that will never change. But my life with you … you see a future with us. I see it in your eyes. I did a disservice by letting this thing between us grow before we know what the future holds. I was selfish. I should have stayed away from you.”
“You didn’t, and here we are. We can’t go backwards.”
“We can’t move forward. A lot of where we stand depends on the test results.”
“You’re the one who didn’t even want to take the test, and now, you’re throwing it in my face?”
“The stakes are even higher now. This thing brewing between us … I was a fool, living in this bubble, thinking that none of it mattered. For years, I lived my life as if I had the gene and vowed to never let it taint anyone else. I broke my own vow. I spent the last week thinking I could love you the way a man should without the knowledge of the future mattering. It does. It’sallthat matters. I love you, Jillian. So fucking much that it hurts.” He grips his chest with a firm grasp. “Right here. Every time I look at you. When I hear your voice. When you laugh. When I think about you. It hurts right here because I know there’re so many reasons I don’t deserve you.”
“If you believe for a second you get to choose who and why we love one another, you’re crazy.”
“Nor can I choose when. But I can control how I love.”
“Love is what keeps people together.”
He pauses, hesitating. “Perhaps my love is great enough that I know how to keep away.”
Love.I’ve equated the word with Luke for years, using it in all of its powerful forms when I think of him—good and bad. Yet here he is, throwing it in my face once again, blaming it for his bad choices.
A long silence lingers between us.
His throat contracts as he frowns and speaks. “If I have the gene, there is no us.”
