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I could have died of pure decadence that foggy afternoon.
Chocolate ganache was a magnificent creation. Smooth and sweet and rich and… dear God… maybe as wonderful as the fog.
But it seemed even the promise of forbidden sugar was not enough to rouse me from my current despair. I pushed the illicit package back toward Maeve. “You should eat them. Becca makes really good cookies.”
“This isn’t like you. Why won't you leave your room?” Her pert nose wrinkled. “Youneeda shower. Everyone is imagining the worst. Think of the littles. They are worried about you.”
Closing my eyes to my beautiful friend once again, I muttered, “Everyone is right.”
Maeve had endured enough of my moping. And she certainly was not going to tolerate my refusal of a treat she’d risked her ranking to procure for me. “I will go from being nice, straight to violence, if you do not comply. Explain what is going on. Now!”
What was I even supposed to say? How much was confession, and how much was just social suicide? “I will not be allowed to graduate.”
She looked deeply relieved. “Thank God that’s it! We all thought you’d been given the position of surveyor.”
I could not help but begin to openly cry at that word. At the broken dream and unfairness of life.
Sobbing, I said, “You don’t understand.I want to be a surveyor.”
“That’s ridiculous." She smiled, patting me kindly. "Don’t be silly.”
Nauseous and deeply ashamed, I confessed, “I’ve thrown every test since I was eight to guarantee that’s where I would be placed.He knew. And now he won’t let me leave.”
There it was. A look of confusion followed by skepticism. “Why though? Why would you do that?”
Sniffing, so deeply, deeply sad, I met her eyes. “I want to go into the fog, and I don’t want to come back.”
Our little tent was thrown off, Maeve sitting up to glare at me. “That’s crazy, Lorieyn. You’d die out there. What about your obligation to society? What about your sisters? You were going to just leave us?” Her voice had grown louder, resentment heightening her pitch.
Essentially, yes, that had been my intention.
What did they all think was going to happen after we left the academy? There were ten thousand hybrids who would absorb us into their societal structure. Our little school family would be broken, each of us with new positions, new leadership, new customs, new sisters. There was not any guarantee we might see one another often. I wasn’t even sure how deeply my kind was allowed to intrude into the burgeoning human city.
Would we be allowed to meet at a restaurant and reminisce about our lives? Were friendships sustainable when dorms were exchanged for assorted barracks?
Putting my weight on my forearm, I sat up and rubbed my greasy hair off my face. “I’m not asking you to understand, and I am sorry if your feelings are hurt, but I don’t belong here. I hear a song in the fog the same way the men claim they hear our song when they recognize a mate.”
Eyes narrowed, she removed herself from my little bed. “Wanna know what I think? I think you hear what you want to hear. I mean, this is crazy! You’ve been given what may essentially be immortal life, the ability to survive on this planet in a way unaltered humanity could only dream of. To earn it, you must serve to your fullest capacity. All I hear from you is self-serving garbage. The fog? Who wants to go into the fog on purpose?”
There was so much more to it. So much excitement right outside the boundary of the city. “Don’t you want to know what’s out there, Maeve? Think of all the undiscovered species. Think of the unmade maps. Satellites can’t see through the muck. Robotics are destroyed by wildlife in days. The only way to know what awaits is to walk out there and see it firsthand. Isn’t that a service? We need to mine to build, don’t we? How do you think we find those resources? We need sustenance. There may be multitudes of unknown food sources just waiting to be tasted.”
My dear friend looked as if I had grown two heads. “This idealistic fantasy you are describing is not based on reality. The fog is deadly. Everything that lives in it is deadly. Whatever is going on with you….” Hesitating, it seemed as if Maeve chose her next words carefully. “The list. That's the answer. A mate will fix this confusion. The little kids adore you. Have a baby and grow our numbers. There is no shame in settling down and starting a family. You’d be highly regarded for your contribution.”
It wasn’t bad advice, nor was it meant to be cruel, but it cut me deeply. “You sound like General Cyderial.”
“He’s right. You may not be cut out for military service.” Her hands came up before her, Maeve softening her tone. “Don’t take it like that. All I am saying is that we all care about you.”
“There’s more.” Now they would know just how deeply I had pissed off the general. “I’ve been promoted to Assistant Combat Instructor. I will be training the youngest recruits.”
It was Maeve’s turn to look horrified.
The clear delineation between student and professor allowed for no wiggle room. Not if a student wanted to be safe from horrendous punishments. I would no longer be my sisters’ equal. In their eyes, I would be duty-bound to report on every one of them. At least, that’s how most would see it.
After all, soon, each of them would know I had lied about my skills. Their trust would be shaken.
Now, I would be their superior in rank. They would not be able to confide in me. The itty-bitties might no longer sneak into my room to crawl into bed with me when they were scared or missed their mothers.
At least a few would suspect I’d been reporting on them all along to receive the promotion.
