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Thane nods, “I see. You will need to figure out how much pain she can take before you know how to handle it in the future.”
“I don’t want to accidentally hurt her, though.” I say a bit worried.
The Master chuckles, “As long as you trust one another, they trust you to stop when they safe word, and you trust them to safe word when they have had enough, then you should be fine.”
“What if, as her Dom, I feel as though she’s had enough. What if I feel that she won’t stop no matter how painful it is?”
“You just do what you did before and stop it yourself. After all, you are the one in charge until she safe words. You still need to try and figure out her pain level.” He studies me for a moment, “Tell me, did your sub experience any trauma or abuse during her childhood?”
I think about what he is asking me and as far as I know the only trauma she’s had had been in the past two years, “Her childhood was practically perfect. We grew up together and I know her family. The only trauma or abuse would have been her being bullied for the last two years, but that has stopped and now the two get along fine. She was also attacked and almost raped a few months ago, but other than that, I don’t know of anything else.”
He nods the whole time that I explain, but doesn’t say a word until now, “It could have been the bullying that triggered the Masochist in your sub. You see, as a bullied victim, they tend to suffer the outcome of it, hoping that it will please their bully enough to accept them. They will endure the humiliation and pain that they are subjected to if it means that their bully will be satisfied. That being said, they may bring it into their intimate life, and become a Sexual Masochist. Now I’m not a psychologist, but this is my theory, being in this lifestyle long enough, I tend to witness a lot of different things.”
I bow my head and feel as though I’ve been punched in the gut multiple times. I did this to Ella. I turned her into someone who needs pain to get off, or to feel better. How can I face her after learning all of this?
I glance back up at Master Thane, “Would she forgive her bully and then enter a sexual relationship with him because she has feelings for him or is it because she wants to keep her bully happy?”
“That’s hard to say without knowing them personally, but I guess it could go either way.” He says as he thinks hard, trying to come up with an answer for me, “My thoughts in this situation would be that if the victim came to me after the bullying had stopped, then I would take it that her feelings could be real, but if the bullying stopped and the bully is the one that pushed for a relationship, then I would think that the victim would only be entering the relationship because shefeels like she's beingbullied into it.”
That right there, Thane’s words, they bring my entire world down. All I can think about now is how Ella may not love me like she thinks she does. Did I bully her into being with me? I know I pushed and pushed, but surely, she would have told me off if it wasn’t what she wanted, right? I can’t stay here right now. I thank Thane for his time and tell him that I just remembered something and that I have to go, letting him know that I will call to set up another meeting as soon as I can figure my schedule out. Of course, it’s a lie, because if I end up losing Ella, then there is no reason for me needing him. I don’t want to dominate anyone else; Ella is it.
After my meeting, I don’t go home, and I don’t go back to the Training Center. I need to get my head on straight and think about what I’m going to do to make this right, because as of right now, I may have to give my girl up in order to see if she really does love me. So, instead, I head to the Gym to take my frustrations out on weights and punching bags.
It’s been a while since I’ve been here and it feels good to hit something as hard as I can, pummeling the object until sweat runs down my body and my arms tire. I step back from the punching bag as I try to catch my breath. After a two-hour workout, I’m feeling good, physically, but not much better mentally or emotionally. I still don’t know what I’m going to do, but I know that I need to talk to Ella about it before I make any decisions. I refuse to make any more assumptions when it concerns Ella.
Looking at the time, it isn’t as late as I thought it would be, so I pull off the wrap that I have around my hands and pull out my phone. Finding Ella’s name, I hit the video call button and wait for her to answer. It rings a few times, and I start to think that she isn’t going to answer, but then the call picks up and I see my beautiful girl on my screen.
“Hey, handsome. I wasn’t expecting you to call.” She gives me the smile that she only reserves for me.
“Hello beautiful,” I smile back but I’m sure it doesn’t reach very far, “We need to talk.”
Chapter 49
Making Changes
I’ve just stepped out of the hot shower after a long day at work. I wasn’t supposed to start back until tomorrow but apparently, the flu is going around and one person from the bakery called in sick and two from the coffee shop, so I work a full double shift today and all I want to do now is crawl into bed after having a nice hot shower, but my phone starts to ring. When I see that it’s Jace video calling, my smile spreads across my face and I answer it.
“Hey, handsome. I wasn’t expecting you to call.”
“Hello beautiful,” Jace smiles back, but it’s not his usual smile and I can tell right away that something is wrong, “We need to talk.”
“What’s going on? Why do you seem upset?” I sit down on the edge of the bed.
Instead of answering my questions, he tries peeking at me, trying to see more of me, “What are you wearing, Precious? Is that just a towel?” He bites his lower lip, “You just showered, didn’t you?”
The way he looks at me with his Dom face on, his voice low but commanding and laced with lust, all I can do is nod. My heart rate picks up and my core begins to throb. I notice that he’s at some sort of Gym, but I don’ think anything of it as he continues to give me that ‘I want to fuck you’ look.
“Did you play with yourself?”
“No Jace, I know that isn’t allowed.”
“Good girl,” he hesitates briefly, “I’ve got something to ask you, Precious, and I want you to be one hundred percent honest with me. I don’t want you thinking that I’m going to be upset with you at all, okay?” I see concern in his eyes.
“You’re scaring me, Jace. What’s going on?” I ask shakily.
“Just promise that you will answer honestly.”
“I promise! I’m always truthful with you.”
