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I wear a black dress, and Atlas has on a black dress shirt and slacks. Once we’re in the limo, I’m quiet, and he holds my hand, squeezing it. He strokes the back of my head, trying to sooth me. My parents weren’t religious by any means, but my mother was spiritual, and she believed in connecting with the earth, so we have her funeral at the gravesite. I am one of the first few people there, and my father and Nicole stand by themselves. She doesn’t deserve to be here, but whatever, I’m not going to cause a scene. Atlas wraps his arm around my shoulders and kisses my forehead, causing my body to relax in his arms. I catch a whiff of his expensive lemony cologne. I feel his hard muscles under his suit.
The setup is so pretty with beautiful colors. A picture of my mother from her youthful days. It was one of her modeling pictures. Next to it is a picture of us together as a family, the happiest she was in her life. I glance down at her, and she looks peaceful like Sleeping Beauty.Before the pastor begins his sermon, I slowly walk up to her, kiss her cold forehead, and whisper how much I love her. I hope she finds peace in the afterlife; I hope she’s proud of me. Then I take my seat next to Atlas.
The preacher reads scriptures from the Bible and speaks about life and death. I tune him out most of the time until he says, “Does anyone want to speak?”
I break from Atlas’s embrace, stand next to my mother’s casket, and I look down at her. Her hair is done up in her favorite hairstyle, and she’s wearing her favorite dress I designed for her. Right now, she looks peaceful, despite the color that has left her cheeks. No more pain. No more sorrow. I hope she’s happy in the afterlife, and I hope her soul is at peace. I’ve forgiven my mother a long time ago for her careless mistake, for putting us in danger and taking both of our lives. I felt like I died in the accident. A sob catches in my throat. I know the crowd is waiting for me to say something, and when I look to the pastor, he places his warm hand on my shoulder.
I look out at the crowd, at the five hundred people who have showed up. People I don’t even recognize. Atlas’s parents and Carter are here. I didn’t expect them to show up. Poppy stands next to Link, and her eyes are glossy. I don’t know how the word spread fast; she died, and she was loved by many people.
“I have no idea what I want to say, so I’m going to say what pops in my head.” Everyone glues their eyes to me. “Everyone knows me, knows my mom, we share the same sense of humor, the same taste in movies and music. She was my best friend. She was there for all my firsts, even threatening to egg one of my ex’s houses after he dumped me.” People laugh at the last statement. “But what we don’t share is the same kind of heart. Her heart was bigger than mine. My mother forgave everyone who crossed her because she believed everyone deserves grace.” My eyes glance to Carter with his fingers entwined with my ex-best friend’s, then I look to my father to see tears surging down his cheeks. “I understand the message of what she’s trying to say.”
I pause, closing my eyes, trying to stop the tears from coming down like a water hose, before I open them.
“She taught me to be kind and meek. She taught me to treat people with respect and be the bigger person. She taught me to come up with a great outfit on a cheap budget, even though I had everything I could ever dream of. She supported my dreams no matter how ridiculous they were. I wish everyone had a momma like I did. I wish everyone could experience unconditional love like I did. I wish everyone experienced her kindness. And if you did, count yourself lucky because the world is filled with assholes.” I exhale and I let the tears flood my cheeks. “Thank you, Momma, for everything. Thank you for showing me how to live and how to be a woman.”
I take my place next to Atlas, and he holds my hand. A few people stand next to my mother’s casket, stating how they knew her. My father stands up next, and my heart beats in my chest. He looks like he’s aged a hundred years, and his eyes are red as if he’s been crying for days.
“I’m sorry, Ariel, for betraying you,” he says before he takes his place next to Nicole. Tears stream down Nicole’s face, and she turns her head away as she tries to hold on to my father’s hand, but he shakes it away.
The casket lowers to the ground, and I take a rose to place it on her casket. Others do it too. As soon as the funeral is over with, we head to the car. Atlas’s mother calls my name, and I turn to look at her. Her mascara clumps around her eyes as she engulfs me into an embrace.
“I’m so sorry for your loss, love. Your mother was an incredible woman and the best friend I ever had.”
“Thank you for visiting her for me every week. I saw your name in the guest book.”
She crinkles her nose. “That wasn’t me, darling. I visit every month, but not every week.”
“I saw A. Conrad. I thought it stood for Alice.” I look at Atlas. “You visited my mother when I couldn’t?”
He nods. “I have. I had to check with her doctor to make sure they were taking care of her the way they were supposed to.”
Tears slither down my face. “Why would you do that?”
“Because I wanted to make sure she had everything she needed. Your mother was always kind to me and my family. The least I could do is look out for her well-being.”
I throw my arms around his shoulders, and he wraps his hands around my waist. “Thank you.”
I watch my father stomp toward us, so I peel myself away from Atlas. Once he reaches us, he folds his arms across his chest, and anger flashes through his eyes.
“I need to speak to Atlas, alone.”
Atlas nods and follows my father out of earshot. My father says something to him which causes Atlas to ball up his fist as if he is about to strike him while he has his other finger stabbing him in the chest. Once the conversation is over with, Atlas joins me by my side and kisses my temple.
“What did my father want?” I ask.
“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it, Boots.”
I hear a familiar voice calling me, and I twist around to see Carter walking toward me. My blood boils, I don’t want him anywhere near me.
Atlas must sense the tension in my shoulders because he holds my hand tighter, then brings it to his mouth, planting kisses on my knuckles. Warmth fills my belly, and my chest flutters.
“Thanks for showing up. Congratulations on your engagement to Odette. I hope you two are happy.” I try to keep the anger out of my voice.
He had the audacity to show up, try to rub it in my face that he’s marrying someone else. The guy is a complete idiot, I don’t know what I saw in him. When I stare at him, I don’t feel anything.
“Can I speak to you for a second?” He eyes Atlas and folds his arms across his chest. “Alone.”
Atlas’s arm tightens around my waist, tucking me to his side. “No, you don’t deserve to be in her presence after what you did to her.”
