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I shove my hands into my pockets, and he nods at me. I step down from the podium and stride toward him as paparazzi take pictures of us.
“You look like shit,” he says.
I don’t respond, because he’s right. I have bags under my eyes, I’m so fucking tired. I haven’t slept in days, and I’ve been drinking more than usual. I make sure to drink within my limits so I don’t turn back into the alcoholic I once was.
We walk out of the building slowly, and I slide into his limo. He grabs a bottle of bourbon and pours me a glass.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” is the first thing he says once the car is moving. “You really think Poppy would trap you with a baby?”
I knew she was hanging out with Lake after she left our home. Just because I’m pissed off with her doesn’t mean I don’t worry about her well-being.
I don’t respond to Atlas’s outburst because I feel guilty for the way I feel. I shouldn’t feel guilty.
I know she tried to trap me with a baby.
“She skipped a day of taking her birth control while we weren’t using condoms, why else would she skip it if not to trap me? She didn’t tell me about the day she missed her pill. And it’s her dream to be a mother, so yeah, she trapped me.”
“Your logic doesn’t make any sense. If she really tried to trap you, why would she admit to missing a day? The whole purpose of her to lie to you would be so she won’t look dishonest.” He massages his temples. “You’re married, Jasper, and you two fuck like rabbits, so why didn’t you think you were going to eventually impregnate her?”
I didn’t think about it that way. When I did my research on pregnancy tests, I learned that a woman has to be at least four weeks along in order for the test to detect a pregnancy. Is it possible she got pregnant while we were using a condom and she was taking her pills? I highly doubt that. We were safe during the time we decided to start having sex. She must’ve gotten pregnant more recently.
“She’s not Gemma,” Atlas snaps.
“I know.”
“Do you?” he counters.
Without a word, I swallow the bourbon and it slithers down my throat, warming my empty belly.
“She’s going through a lot, and I know Poppy, she wouldn’t trap you with a baby. She’s not a selfish person, and stressing her out while she’s pregnant is fucked up.”
“I’m trying not to stress her out.” I sigh.
He rubs the back of his head. “Lake is due in two months and I’m worried as fuck. We’re in the same boat, Jasper. I don’t want you to make the biggest mistake of your life.” He strokes his beard. “It’s always been Poppy’s dream to be a mother. Do you want her to be miserable for the rest of her life? She’s given you everything you wanted, why not return the favor?”
“I’m not cut out to be a father.” I clench the crystal glass in my hand tight. “I lost Harper. And what if I ruin this baby’s life too?”
“You need to stop blaming yourself for that mistake. It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. Shit happens, man.”
He’s right, shit does happen, but I don’t want to make the same mistake. I don’t want to fail my wife—if I still have one—nor do I want to fail my unborn child.
I glance out the window, at the gray clouds. I don’t know what to believe. I don’t know if I should trust Poppy all over again. I don’t know if she will even allow me back into her life. And like Atlas said, why can’t I allow her to have this one thing when she signed her life to be with me in order for me to get James’s company. I’ve been a taker in this relationship, not really giving a thought about what she wants.
“You’re being selfish,” Atlas says. “You’ve always been a selfish fuck, though.”
“Thanks, bro,” I say sarcastically as I pat him on the back.
He makes me feel ten times worse than I already do.
I don’t respond to what Atlas has just said. “I should request a DNA test to make sure the baby is mine,” I suggest instead.
I know the baby is mine—I’m sure it is mine. But I also thought Harper was mine, and Gemma provided me with a false DNA test. It was only after Harper passed away that I had found out she wasn’t mine and everything I thought was a lie. You can never be too certain.
“When Poppy divorces you, don’t come bitching to me.”
“I won’t. I don’t want to be married to someone who lied to my face.”
We are both quiet until he says, “You’re self-sabotaging your own marriage. You will do anything and say anything to push her away, because you’re scared you might have something real with her. You’re throwing it all away because of your fears. Keep choosing your fears and you’re going to miss out on the best thing that’s ever happened to you. If you lose Poppy then you’re dumber than I thought. Grow a pair, Jasper, for fuck’s sake.”
