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This is the first I’m hearing me of this, and my chest tightens. I suspected she wanted kids, but I didn’t know that it was her dream. I feel like a jackass because I don’t want any children. Why would she put her dreams on the back burner for me? I told her I didn’t want kids, and she didn’t put up a fight. Didn’t try to convince me or negotiate that into our contract. Most people are conniving and do whatever is necessary to accomplish their goals, but not her. She’s even given up her dreams to make her mother happy, and here I am taking her dream of having kids away from her.
I drink my glass of scotch to wet my dry throat, to wash away the guilt forming in my chest.
I don’t like how my grandfather is looking at me, trying to read my mood. He can’t convince me to be a parent again. That will never happen.
I grip my glass tight, my knuckles turning white. “We’re not having them.”
The sadness on Poppy’s face makes me feel bad, but I can’t go down that road again—becoming a father. It cost me everything, and I told myself I would never have a child again. I would live in constant fear of something happening to him or her, and I’m trying to forget about my past, but it still haunts me to this day.
“I like her, Jasper,” Grandfather says. “Make her happy, you’re already marrying her.”
I knew this conversation was going to pop up, and I should have been better at preparing a response. My grandfather would be glad to have another grandchild, but I’m not in the headspace for one. And, unlike Poppy, I don’t do shit to make people happy. It’s a lesson she’s going to learn the hard way, that people in general don’t care about how she feels. Sometimes, she looks at life and people through rose-tinted glass; I don’t. My grandfather has always been the type to please Grandmother, but when they got married, he was broke so he didn’t have to worry about her trapping him with a baby to get money out of him.
And that is my biggest worry—accidentally getting a woman pregnant and allowing her to milk money out of me.
“Yeah, but this marriage isn’t going to be real,” I say low so no one can hear us. “We’re only getting married because of Uncle James’s business, and so she can get her inheritance and I can help her stepfather’s business.” I sip my drink. “The focus is to take down Tommy. Bringing a baby into this world will only make matters worse.”
Plus, I’m still planning on divorcing Poppy the minute the ink is dry on my contract once I’m handed my uncle’s company. If I have a baby with her, then I’ll definitely be stuck with her for the rest of my life, and I don’t want that. She’s not about to be my ball and chain for the rest of my life.
“It’s okay. I’m okay with not having children,” she says, her eyes glossing over with tears.
The pain on her face is unbearable, and I don’t know if I can handle it. It makes my heart ache.
Why is she affecting me this way?
I shouldn’t care if she wants kids or not, and I don’t give a fuck about her feelings.
Yet here I am trying not to console her. Here I am feeling bad for not making her happy, when that should be the last thought on my mind.
I’m growing fond of her, and I don’t like it.
I place my hand over Poppy’s but she pulls hers away, clearing her throat, then checking her phone. Her demeanor changes, and she avoids eye contact with me.
Her cold shoulder makes my chest sting.
“Excuse me, I have to go to the ladies’ room.”
As soon as she is out of eyesight, my grandfather says, “You’re making a terrible mistake by not giving her a child. You can’t let what happened between you and Gemma affect your relationship with Poppy.”
This conversation is making me not want to go through with the marriage, but if I try to find someone else, then Poppy would have to start over with someone else too, and I can’t bring myself to do it. I have to keep my distance. My crushing on her is only going to make things complicated between us.
She knew what she signed up for when I told her that I don’t want children, so she is going to have to deal with it.
“Grandfather, this isn’t up for debate,” I reprimand.
He shrugs. “Your need to control things is going to ruin your life, boy.”
Without a word, I continue to eat my food, but deep down, I’m afraid he’s right.
Poppy
Sophia texted me earlier saying she wanted to stop by and talk to me. I texted Jasper if it was okay, and he said he didn’t mind. It’s the little things—habits—that I need to break. I don’t have to check in with him every hour, and I’m free to come home whenever I want. Link did a number on me. He had a set of rules that I had to follow and if I didn’t, he would get so mad. I felt as if I was walking on eggshells with him. Sometimes, my insecurities get the best of me.
I haven’t spoken to my sister since my mother lashed out at me at the cafe, so now I need to ask her if Mom said anything about me dating Jasper.
I place my baby niece, Bailey, in my lap. Her doe eyes widen at me and she giggles loudly. I glance at Sophia, her eyes hiding behind shades. It’s nine o’clock at night. Why is she wearing those? When I reach for them, she slaps my hand away.
“Why the hell are you wearing sunglasses in the evening?”
