Page 11 of Illusion of Loving


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This woman can’t be serious. When the fuck have you been a mother?

I put my phone face down on the nightstand and go back to sketching. I have a few ideas, but nothing is sticking with me. A gown is too overdone, right? I started another dress idea, but it reminded me too much of Herve Leger’s bandage dress.

I scrapped it and moved on to another idea…and another. I usually have so many ideas, but after my dream, I can’t think of anything else. The dream felt so real. I still feel the imprints of his fingers shoving my legs apart.

“Fuck, I can’t think like this. I need coffee.” I say to myself. I go into the main house and there’s no coffee in the kitchen.

There is a nearby coffee shop that I can walk to. The best thing about living here is everything is close by.

Once I get to the coffee shop, I look at all the vibrant art plastered all over the walls. “Ma’am?” The cashier calls out.

“Sorry, I’ll take an espresso, black,” I order.

“Black? Grueling day.” A man says from behind me. I turn around and see an incredibly attractive guy smiling at me.

I laugh awkwardly, “You could say that.” I pause as he puts his hand out to me. I shake it. “Taurus.” I greet.

“Desmond.” He introduces sitting at his table along with his laptop. I look around and there is nowhere to sit. “You’re welcome to sit.” He insists.

I nod, sit down and he goes back to his laptop. “What are you working on if you don’t mind me asking?” I inquire.

He goes on about being an engineer and then asks to see me again. I agreed to the date. Anything to get Ru out of my dreams. This cannot happen again.

When I return home…can I call this my home? I guess for now at least. Besides the point, when I come home, Ru is still nowhere to be found. He said he would come back from work early today, but he may have decided to work the full day. This is probably for the best.

I just don’t know what I would be able to say, knowing that I came from a dream of himalmostgoing down on me.

I look around the house and realize I have never got the full tour of the main house. Should I wait for Ru? What if he has a secret dungeon or something kinkier? What if he has a weird doll collection? Yeah, I think I should wait for Ru.

Answer me! You ungrateful brat! Where are you?! Do you not care about how your mother feels not knowing where you are?!

-Tamsin

She never cared to know where I was before, but I guess since dad’s house burned up and he left his trust to me she wants to cozy up. When my father died, he left everything to me and if I were to die, it would go to my mother. They were not married when I was a child. So, everything he has goes to me.

Perhaps, she burned my house down. She probably wanted to kill me and get the money. I would not be surprised. I expect her to do anything at this point. I have always looked at her through a child’s eyes. Minimizing the severity of her horrible actions towards me. Thought it was valid to beat me when she was angry. It felt as if I was her property.

That’s what parents like her do. They bring you into this world as an accessory that they can control, until you realize that you are a human being with feelings and not an object to be used as a means of lowering one’s stress. I still remember the many times she told me that she didn’t care how old I was and that she could slap me in the face if she wanted to because she was my mother. What is the point of having children? The only thing I’ve been taught is that children are brought into this world as it means to fill the void of narcissists. If it’s not a means to pass down a name, then it’s to fit the status quo. Rarely do people have children because they genuinely want to be parents.

“Taurus, you’re up?” Ru’s voice says from behind me.

I freeze in place.

“Taurus?”

I finally take in a breath and turn around. “Welcome back, Ru.” I greet.

Ru is wearing an expensive-looking dark blue suit. He is holding a container with what I assume is soup. “Glad to be home. I got you some soup. Hope you’re feeling better.”

I nod. “I am. I have a date later tonight.”

Ru raises a brow and flashes me a smile, but it looks slightly forced, “Oh?”

“Yeah, I went to get coffee this morning and I met this guy. So, I’m going to see how it goes.”

Ru sets the soup down on the island when he gets to the kitchen. “Where are you going for your date?”

“Not too far. The restaurant is downtown. I looked at the menu and it looks nice and elegant. It’s called ‘The Cayó.’ Should be fun.”

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