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I have a feeling that image will live rent-free inside my head during dinner.
JUST PRETEND
Alexis
Ifume the entire ride home, then stomp inside the apartment I share with Evan, barely saying goodbye to my mother and Preston. Not that either one cares, especially with their “perfect son” out there, schmoozing all over them.
Whatever.I’m not interested in playing Evan’s stupid, childish games. I hope someone runs over his smug ass in the parking lot so I don’t have to deal with him tonight.
Slamming my bedroom door shut behind me, I rip my dress over my head. I dig through my suitcases until I find my favorite pair of ratty sweatpants and a long-sleeved tee. After getting dressed, I march toward the bathroom, relieved I don’t see Evan when I exit my room.
Grabbing a wipe to remove the carefully applied makeup from my face, I grit my teeth, looking away from my reflection. Not only did I have to deal with the humiliation of giving in to my stepbrother in the bathroom of a posh restaurant and riding his fingers like some desperate, wanton slut, but my mother added an additional layer of embarrassment when she started questioning me, grilling me during the car ride home about the sleeping pills I used to take “just in case I needed them.” I glared at her, begging her to drop it, but she refused. Evan’s eyes bored into my profile while Preston buried his face in his phone. I remained stubbornly silent, but my mom wouldn’t let up until I answered.
“Yes, mother, I brought them. But I don’t need them.”
“Just in case you do. You know how hard adjusting to new situations can be. You’ll need sleep so you don’t have dark circles or bags beneath your eyes. Remember how awful you looked when Gram died?”
I gasped, glaring at my mom, the most insensitive person I’ve ever met. Who the hell is worried about dark circles beneath their eyes when the only person who gave a damn about you, the one you loved with all your heart, died? Bringing this shit up in front of Evan, my arch nemesis, and Preston was beyond uncomfortable.
“I wasn’t worried about how I looked when Gram died,” I snapped, my hands clenched into fists. “I brought the damn pills with me, so just drop it.”
“I’m only looking out for you, Lexi. You know first impressions are everything.”
Un-fucking-believable.I huff out an annoyed grunt, crossing my arms over my chest and glaring out the window. My mom keeps going on about looks until Preston eyes her. She finally ends her tirade with a fake smile and more bullshit words. “You’ll need to sleep to get good grades.” My mom pats Preston’s leg. His attention returns to his phone, pleased with her response.
“They make me too drowsy, Mom. I sleep like the dead whenever I take them.” Looking out the window, I hope my next words end this ridiculous conversation. “But I have them if I need them.”No way in hell am I taking them.
“Good. That’s all I ask.”
I’m pulled from my thoughts when I hear the front door close. I toss my wipe into the trash, peering out the bathroom doorway. Since the coast is clear, I dart to my bedroom, closing the door behind me.
I pace across the floor, hoping Evan will leave me alone. I’m sure he will use moving my dresser as an excuse to see me. I can’t deal with him right now. I don’t know why I gave in to him inside the restaurant's bathroom, but even worse is how good it felt. I’m not sure I’d be able to resist him again, even though the fucker left me hanging.
I suck in breath when I hear Evan’s footsteps coming down the hallway. Anticipation and nervousness course through me when they stop outside my door. My heart pounds furiously as I stare at the doorknob, waiting for it to turn and for him to barge inside.
When he continues to his room, I release a shaky breath, relief filling me. I ignore my disappointment and look around at the suitcases and boxes that still need to be unpacked.Might as well be productive. Unpacking will be a great way to distract myself from thoughts of Evan’s fingers inside me earlier.
Grabbing my earbuds from my purse, I grab my phone, selecting one of my favorite playlists. Heading to my suitcases, I start with the items that need to be hung in my closet. My hips swivel to the music as I sing along, my mood visibly improving.
Fuck Evan, Preston, and my mother. I don’t give a shit what they think about me.
Once I’m finished with the closet, I unload my shoes, stacking them neatly in the closet. I adore shoes, and despite being overwhelmed by all the clothing and makeup my mom insisted we buy, I didn’t hesitate when it came to shoes.
My gaze moves to the bag that contains my favorite pair of well-worn and comfortable Converse shoes. My mom insisted I throw them away. Instead, I hid them in my duffel bag.
Dropping to my knees, I unzip the bag, carefully pulling them out. I smile as I imagine how angry my mom would be if she knew I brought them to Groveton. But there was no way I was leaving them behind. They’re a piece of the old me.
The girl everyone has been trying to mold into someone else. Someone better, according to them.
After setting them in the closet, I sit back on my hunches, my gaze distant.What’s so wrong with the Lexi I’ve been for the past nineteen, nearly twenty years? Why isn’t she good enough?
A tear slips down my cheek. I impatiently wipe it away before my hand slides to the necklace my Gram gave me, twisting it between my fingers. My life was lonely after Gram died, but at least I could be me.
Getting up from the floor, I take the small, lined notebook from the outside compartment of my suitcase. My fingers run over the cover, a smile on my face as I stare at the most nonjudgmental thing in my shitty life—my diary.
Moving to the bed, I settle against the pillows, the diary resting on my bent knees. I uncap the gel glitter pen hooked to the notebook's spiral wires and open it to a blank page.
Dear Diary,
