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“I had a blast,” he says, leaning on the wall of the airlock.
“You can barely talk. Are you sure you’re going to be able to shift, Castor?” We’ve lived together and gone out a bunch of times with Nico. But I’ve never seen him quite this drunk. The way he shot back two and then three shots of Dragon Ale was impressive—impressively stupid. But I live by the rule that you can’t help a drunk person. Then again, that’s exactly what I’m doing now. But I’m drunk too. So maybe it doesn’t count. Unless I don’t help myself.
“Fin, yeah.”
“What?”
“It’s what my granddad used to say instead of fuck.”
“You’re not your granddad.”
“Fuck no.”
“Exactly.”
The water rises over our chins, and we both shift without drowning. So maybe we are going to make it home. Home. Wherever the fin that is.
The airlock releases us, and I grab Castor’s golden fin to yank him in the right direction.This way.
Yeah, of course, I was testing you.
Right.
The night is bright. The moon must be in full force because the lights in the dome are never this bright this late. It’s quiet too. Sure, there are the whirling motors of the domes churning, keeping the ocean water at bay. But theomada aguvan bajekåfaren’t running, and there aren’t manysoloson the streamways. Still, I’m keeping to the lesser-used paths. I’m not looking to be turned into shark chum just yet.
Shark. It reminds me of so many things. Alder awake in his hospital room. Belle outside feeding her pets, which has me lamenting over Nico and Belle in their pod bed—the reason I’m confident Castor was slamming back so many shots. The reason I didn’t mind being out tonight. The reason I didn’t dance with any of the mermaids who asked.
“Guys’ night,” Castor had said to the second mermaid to approach our table. We turned them down. Something no one does. Never. I would have thought it would make me feel something, but it didn’t. I just wanted to be back in Belle’s ocean floor apartment.
Left here, Castor.
He doesn’t answer me. I grab his fluke again and pull him.
Left, right?
I can feel the vibration of him laughing. Poseidon help us. And then he stops. I can’t go home. I can’t go back to that apartment. I can’t go to my mother’s or my little place in Athens. I have no home.
And I understand completely.
We could swim.
We can swim,he agrees.
Instead of going down the middle of the city, I dodge away from Glyden Dome. To the perimeter. And I’m surprised when Castor takes off. He’s swimming fast, faster than a lot of the long-range scouts we have aboard theCentauri. But I stay with him.
Each beat of my tail makes me a little soberer. A little more myself. Whatever that is, whomever I’ve become. The hero of Hestertåtten,geminaebrother of the commander, friend of powerfulviros, roommate of the golden king-to-be, orphan of the lost Richeal. I’m none of these things. The only thing I want to be is something I have to wait for. I told Castor I can wait. And I will. That doesn’t mean I want to. Doesn’t mean I’m not going out of my head with want.
Each beat of my tail clears my head more. I’m closer to who I want to be. Closer to being the male that is good enough for her.
Fin.
Fuck.
We’re halfway around the city when Castor looks up at me.Let’s head back.
I nod. It’s hard to cry underwater but not impossible. I can hear it in the way he’s thinking.
I point us back to Glyden Dome, past the sculpture garden, the school, and the shopping district. Past the small private gardens around Diamont and Permula. Lights are on in some of the smaller domes. I used to love swimming at night, watching all the families gathering in their great domes. But not anymore. Now it reminds me of what I want.
