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“What in fuck is happening here?” Dick Fingers shouted as I strolled out from between the shelves.
Figures that the worst fucking guard in this whole place was the one to show up. If he did anything to Beverly, I might have to rethink that no-murder rule.
“You, prisoner, get away from that wood,” he shouted as he pointed at Beverly. The beaver screamed, and my entire body tensed.
“Get away from that wood is what your mom’s Tinder date says before abandoning her in a Wendy’s parking lot.”
As Pinky Pricks rounded on me, I turned to Elliot and fake smiled as though nothing was amiss. “I’d like to check this book out, please. I can’t wait to read…Dick Fight Island? Huh, people write weird shit.”
Elliot was trembling as he glanced between me and the guard. “I did it!” he blurted.
“You wrote about dick fights?” I said.
“No, I broke the table and chairs. I did it, me.”
My breath caught. Elliot was so, so fucked.
Dick Fingers glanced from Beverly to Elliot. It was obvious the librarian was lying, but the guard cared more about having someone to punish than uncovering the truth.
“Come with me, you leech.”
“Wait.” I stepped between Pinky Pricks and Elliot, though I wasn’t sure what I was going to do.
Instinctively, I reached for my magic to defend us… but it didn’t answer. It couldn’t. The world remained cold and cruel and stubbornly fixed, refusing to change itself to save me.
Dicky pressed the comms on his shoulder. “I’m going to need backup in the library.”
“Tell them to send someone who isn’t a douchebag,” I said.
Before he could answer, Volos stumbled out from behind the bookshelves. “She tried to kill me!”
I rolled my eyes. “With what?”
“A tampon!” Volos roared.
I laughed. It was fake, but I was good at it. “How in fuck can a tampon hurt you?”
Dick Fingers frowned as his gaze darted around the room. He was in over his head, and he knew it.
“Do something!” Volos demanded.
“Are you sure you were attacked? You look healthy to me,” Elliot said, his voice quiet. He might be shy, but he was brave.
Volos gaped at us. “Why would I make this up? If I was lying, I’d pick a weapon that made sense!”
Dicky nodded. “Yeah… yeah, your claim is so strange, it must be true.” He grabbed my arm, hard enough to hurt. “Come on. You are going to the hole.”
I couldn’t believe he bought Volos’s story. I mean, it was true, but I had been careful to pick an attack method no one would buy. Next time, I should jam the tampon so far down Volos’s throat that he won’t be able to reach the string.
Dicky pointed to Elliot with his free hand. “You stay here until backup arrives to take you to solitary.”
Elliot nodded once, resigned. There wasn’t much else he could do with no magic and nowhere to hide.
The guard dragged me toward the library door like a child to their room.
“Fuck, you men are so terrified of anything related to vaginas, you think a tampon can kill you. It’s a wonder humanity ever reproduces,” I said.
“I was merciful to you yesterday,” he growled. “It was more than you deserved. Every time I run into you, there’s some kind of problem.”
