AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“You goddamn know it wasn’t a mistake, Penny. You’re pulling away because you’re scared. Yes, there will a bit of distance, but nothing that we can’t handle together. I won’t leave you stranded or guessing. I love you, Penny. I’m in this. I want to be in this with you.”
I didn’t mean to drop the L-bomb, but it slipped out. Just like Penny was slipping away from me. I thought we broke ground yesterday and started to build a foundation to something new and exciting. Apparently, I was wrong.
Her eyes are pooling with unshed tears, emotion clogging her voice as she shakes her head.
“I just…I just don’t know, Carter.”
“Yes, you do. You just don’t want it enough.” Running a hand over my head and down my face, I realize I have to face the facts. I can’t talk her into wanting me. I can’t reason her worry and fear away. She has to work through that herself. She has to want me, want my love enough to fight though all the doubts in her head. “Can I give you a ride home at least?”
“No,” she barks out quickly. “No,” she says again, slower. “I can order a ride.”
I hold my tongue, wanting to tell her again and again the depths of my feelings but knowing this isn’t the time.
We’re both silent as I help her get her coat on and grab all her things. When an SUV pulls into the driveway minutes later, I open the door for her. She stops on the threshold, turning to me quickly and giving me a one-armed hug.
“Bye, Carter.”
“Bye, Penny.”
Then she is gone. And with her, any hope I have of getting my heart back.
Chapter Ten
Penny
Everything feels wrong.
As soon as I stepped foot into my apartment, I knew I’d made a colossal mistake. I ran scared. I knew that. Of course, I knew that’s what I was doing, but at the time, it felt like self-preservation.
Now it just felt like loneliness.
The apartment feels cold. I have a small Christmas tree in the corner, but nothing compared to Carter’s. The lack of twinkle lights and festive decorations makes the place feel strange—not like a home at all.
Dropping my bags and jacket at the door, I drag my feet further into the space. All my energy is zapped. Making a run for it is hard work.
Collapsing on the couch, I curse when my hip sends out a sharp pain. I’ve hit the bruise on impact. I deserve it, though.
Carter told me he loves me, and I ran out the door. What was I thinking? Why was I so scared?
Yesterday, everything fell into place. Carter admitted his feelings, and I gave in to mine. I’ve even talked to my brother about this, so there is nothing standing in our way. The path is clear.
Only I’m denying our happiness.
All because in the harsh light of the day, it hit me how important he is. Not just to me or my brother, but to the entire hockey nation. I don’t want to screw that up for him. I don’t want him to have to make sacrifices to the game for my sake.
I couldn’t care less about his celebrity status or the money. Playing professional hockey is his dream, that’s all I care about. That he’s happy.
What scares me, if I’m being honest with myself, is risking what we currently have. I don’t want to lose him as a friend. I don’t want to have to second-guess social family gatherings if we break up. Or have to worry about straining Carter’s relationship with Noah.
If we take a chance at being something more, it can ruin everything.
“Or it can be the beginning of something really beautiful.”
Wow. Just saying that out loud makes goose bumps trail along my arm. The impact of those words hits me square in the chest, causing my breath to hitch.
I’m an idiot. Covering my face with a pillow, I scream into the fabric. I’m such an idiot.
Springing as fast as I can from the couch without causing pain, I shuffle out of the main space and into my bedroom. If I’m going to make an “I’m sorry” statement, I’m going to make a big one.
