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I dart my gaze over to Dean.
His eyes are closed, his soft breath is audible, and his fingers are laced with mine—I must’ve zoned out by my thoughts that I didn’t even notice.
His pure heart is sheltered under his rough exterior and distant manner yet he can’t hide it when he was born to stand out.
I know that for a fact.
I’ve seen it before.
“Penny for your thought.” He suddenly spews.
If only I could get a snippet into his. Besides, I already owe him so it’s only fair.
“I miss my van, Bette.”
“Why did you name it Bette?” his dreamy deep tone cloaks me like a silky sheet.
I huff in a burst of laughter, “My brother did.” Closing my eyes as well I add, “Bette Davis Eyes was his favorite song.”
Lennon
“Whatifasharkwill eat you?” I ask.
He snorts a laugh on purpose, “Len, you can die when you cross the street after checking the lights twice. Nothing is guaranteed.”
“Doesn’t mean that it’s wise.” I rest my hands on my hips.
“No, it’s not. It means that you are here. When I’m gone know that I was happy because I did everything I wanted to do in the present moment.”
My life had turned upside down when I lost him. And when I found the letter he left me for my eighteenth birthday in Bette’s storage compartment, it broke me to pieces.
I went everywhere he traveled. Trying to find a glimpse of him in all the endless scenery and noise that encapsulated me.
Lennon Quinn: Have you ever wanted to scream so loud but just... couldn’t?
Dean Walker: Have you ever wanted to hurt someone for your pain, but didn’t have it in you?
Jamey evaluates the force of the waves. “Are you ready to duck dive?”
I paddle hard, gaining enough speed before a surging wave. Quickly, I straighten my hands and push the board underwater. Using my feet to push the tail down farther, I steer the board forward. Holding it parallel to me, I sink it and align my body once again in a curving motion to the surface of the board until the wave passes.
The water drowns the slew of emotions that infiltrate my mind, letting peace seep in for a moment and it takes me hostage.
Dealing with so many things at once is a hard task. A new job, impressing the boss, secretly having a crush on the boss, thinking about all the things that could go wrong, and losing my home for the first time weighing down on me a bit.
The frigid water underneath me eases some of the tension. Pull me out of the shore and into the peaceful dimension they create. Current upon current. Wave upon wave. I paddle on the board, letting the ocean guide me, and soak my brain in its serenity.
After the busy week we had, Dean invited me to his place for the weekend. Said I could surf and help him work on some designs.
Once again in his house, I feel perplexed.
In all honesty, a part of me thinks he wants me here. He seeks my company for some reason. Yet I don’t understand what he can possibly find in someone who’s fifteen years younger than him. How can I possibly excite him when we’re at different stages of our lives? He made that clear by avoiding me.
He didn’t say anything about it but it hangs in the air like a heavy cloud.
What happens in Santa Monica stays in Santa Monica.
We haven’t talked about the kiss we shared two and a half weeks ago. It’s like nothing ever happened there at all.
