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“It must’ve been really hard for you.”
“It was. But I don’t think I realized it until I met Russ. Your grandfather set a course for my life, I accepted it and lived it without question. Russ helped me to see that this is my life, and I can live it any way I please.”
Tori smiled back. “It looks to me like you’re living it pretty damn well now.”
She didn’t think she’d ever seen her mom look so happy as she said, “I’m doing my best.”
“I’m happy for you, Mom.”
“Thank you. That’s enough about me, what about you?”
“What about me?”
“It seems to me that you’ve reached a crossroads in your life. Do you have any idea what might make you happy?” Her mom hesitated.
“Go on, say it – ask whatever you like. I think this is the first heart-to-heart that we’ve ever had; we might as well make the most of it.”
Her mom gave her a rueful smile. “Okay. You don’t have to answer, but does Xander make you happy?”
“He does. He’s amazing, Mom. Are you okay with that?”
“I’m so much more than okay! I’ve always had a soft spot for that boy. Do you even know that he’s named after me?”
Tori sat up straighter. “He is? Seriously?”
Her mom chuckled. “He seriously is. I’m not sure that I should tell you the story behind it – I don’t know if Xander knows it himself. Let him tell you if he does, it wouldn’t be right for me to share if he doesn’t. But yes, your father and I were close to his parents, and they named him after me.”
“I never even thought about it before,” said Tori. “Does that mean his name is really Alexander? Is Xander just the short version?”
“No. Xander is his given name, but now you know its origins.”
Tori smiled. “I like it. Is it weird that it makes me feel even closer to him?”
“Not at all.”
“And you don’t have a problem with it – with us?”
“A problem? I couldn’t be more thrilled. Tori, that boy has been in love with you since you were five years old. And I have to tell you that I have loved him since the day he was born.”
“How do you know – about when I was five?”
“I know because I used to worry about you. I’m not proud of it, but I used to worry that you were so different. At the time, the company seemed like the most important thing in my life – it was the center of our world. I knew that Bentley and Willow would do very well in that world. But you… You never wanted to be a part of it. You spent so much time in your own little world. Xander was always the one who could draw you out and bring you back to us. At first, I thought it was just Xander being Xander. You know – he’s outgoing, he brings everyone together, makes sure everyone’s okay. He’s always been like that. But the more attention I paid, the more obvious it became that he had a particular soft spot for you. Of course, I didn’t dare to hope that what started out as a small boy’s concern for a playmate might blossom into something real in adulthood – but I couldn’t be happier that it has.”
“I couldn’t be happier either, Mom. He’s wonderful. We get along so well. He understands me. He knows me better than anyone.” Tori’s smile faded. “I guess my only worry is that it seems so one-sided.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that he goes out of his way for me. He gets me, and so he does what he can to make things good for me – to make sure that I enjoy life.”
“And you’re saying that you don’t do the same for him?”
“I don’t think so. I mean, I do know him, and I do try, but it’s not like he needs anything.”
Her mom smiled. “He does, and you give it to him. It’s just that you’re so close to it that you don’t see it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Xander is a protector, Tori. He always has been. Think about it, when we used to get all of you children together, Xander was always the one who looked out for you all even though Jacob and Bentley are older. Then, as you all grew up, it didn’t surprise me in the least that Xander teamed up with Slade. The two of them are similar in many respects. They’re tougher, perhaps somehow a little rougher, than the others.”
