Page 13 of Bad Habits


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“Why do you have to be so selfish?”

It took me a moment to realize this wasn’t another rhetorical question. She wanted a response.

“I think—”

“No one asked you to think,” she cut in. “Leave that people who are actually good at it.”

I bit my lip and stared at the ground. It wasn’t the first time she had said something like that, but the words still hurt.

“Go home, Nathan.” A heavy sigh billowed from her painted lips. “Try to keep a low profile until after the funeral.”

My spine stiffened, and every muscle in my body tensed. “What do you mean after the funeral?”

“Don’t be stupid,” she snapped. “You and your father were estranged. It makes no sense for you to go to the funeral.”

“He was still my dad!”

“By title only,” she answered dismissively. “He left you, Nathan. He abandoned you.” Lifting her hand, she pointed a long, spindly finger at me. “I’m the one who took care of you. Who gave you everything. I think you would be a little more grateful for that instead of pining after someone who didn’t want you.”

If her intention had been to break me, she’d succeeded. All the fight and rebellion drained out of me, leaving me numb and exhausted.

The idea that my dad hadn’t wanted me wasn’t a new concept. I had always wondered. It had always been a nagging belief that I diligently tried to ignore. To have her confirm my worst fears so casually felt like salt to an already festering wound.

“Go home,” she repeated. “I’ll let you know when I need you.”

Like an expensive toy placed on a high shelf, forgotten until she wanted to play with me again. I turned and left without another word.

Instead of waiting for me outside like he had said, Gage stood in the shadows, just behind the stage curtain. I didn’t know how much he had heard, but judging by the look on his face, it had been enough.

When our eyes met, he held his arms open, enveloping me in his warmth and strength when I stepped into them. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

Not really, but I would be. I didn’t have any other choice.

Five

~ Gage ~

Hate took a lot of energy, and it was rarely worth the effort. As such, I typically avoided the entire construct.

I fucking hated Senator Esther Fairfax.

Yes, I had been eavesdropping. No, I didn’t feel guilty about it. The look in Nathan’s eyes when I had walked away had prevented me from doing anything else.

As I’d listened to her belittle and berate her son, I’d been filled with equal parts rage and sadness. Christ, it was no wonder the kid was such a mess. With a woman like that for a mother, he hadn’t stood a chance at a normal life.

Forbidden Nathan from attending the funeral had been wrong on many levels, but to tell a grieving son that his father had never wanted him was a special kind of evil. The fact that half a dozen people, including his own sisters, had stood there nodding like it was the most natural thing in the world turned my stomach.

Of course, I wasn’t completely blameless, and I accepted responsibility for my inaction. While it could be argued I had no right to involve myself in familial matters, as a decent human being, I should have stepped up.

My only excuse for not doing so was that I knew it wouldn’t change anything. I couldn’t force the senator to care. More likely, my involvement would have only made things worse for Nathan in the long run.

That had been four days ago, and I hadn’t seen or heard from Nathan since dropping him off in front of his apartment building. My texts went unanswered. My calls went directly to voicemail. He didn’t owe me anything, not even an explanation, and I didn’t expect one.

I just wanted to know that he was okay.

A small measure of relief had come when I’d seen him on the news the previous morning at his father’s funeral. It had only been a glimpse, but it had been enough to let me breathe a little easier. I didn’t know what had changed that allowed him to be there, but I was glad Nathan had been given a chance to say goodbye.

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