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"I miss you too, Baby Girl."
Over the next few days, the internet is drenched with made-up stories about myself, but worse are the stories they are making up about Gianna. They are claiming she earned her money by being an escort. They claim that she targets the richest of men and uses them for her own financial gains. Her business becomes a target in a few of the articles as well and her family history is twisted and put on display for the world to read about. There is even an article about her having a secret child with my brother and questions about how she can abandon that child and then pretend to want to be a mother to my child. I know it is all bullshit and all I want to do is tell her how sorry I am for putting her in the middle of everything. I wish that there was some way for me to fix this.
CHAPTER15
GIANNA
The phone is hot against my ear. I have been talking to my mom for ages already and she is still so upset. I can't seem to say anything to calm her down.
"I know, mom. It is all just made-up stories. Please try and ignore it. I know it's difficult." I am the one that should be angry.
"But they are saying you had a child with Daniel?" I roll my eyes.
"I did not, Mom. I think you might have noticed if I got fat and had a baby. It's not true. None of it is true." The lengths they'll go to are unreal.
"They have said horrible things about our family, Gianna." I hate that she is taking this as a personal attack.
"I am so sorry. I don't know what else to say other than I am sorry." I did not do this --- once again I know Daniel did. He's a sore loser.
I am exhausted to the bone. My poor mom is struggling with all the attention. Even she and my dad have had reporters approaching them asking for a comment and they live hours from where I live.
This really is not fair to them at all. I know that the media can be ruthless, but I have never experienced it like this. It was bad with Daniel, but this is just ridiculous. Now I understand even more why Hudson is so careful about everything and so withdrawn in his public life.
I actually lost a client, yesterday, because they no longer want to work with me. Their email had commented that I was a disgusting human being for abandoning my child for money. That had made me cry, even though there was no child! And talking to my mom now I feel like crying again, but I want to be strong in front of her to try and show her that it is not worth getting upset over. Unfortunately, I have been more than upset over it and I am struggling to hold everything together.
To top it all off Hudson and I are finding it extremely difficult to spend time together. There are reporters outside the entrance to our estate and while security is excellent, there have been one or two who have managed to sneak in and take photos of us again. We are both nervous to leave our houses and I have been working from home a lot just to try and avoid everything, but now my business is suffering and that is causing me a whole new level of stress. I have worked so hard to create my business. It is crazy to think that just because I am choosing to be with Hudson, I am possibly risking losing everything.
I know Hudson is no longer in contact with his family. His mother has publicly disowned him in a press conference of her own. How heartbreaking is that? His own mother. I don't know if he needs me more now than ever or if he needs me to stay away from him more now than ever.
He has been quiet even on the phone. Minimal texting and hardly even one phone call a day. He is drifting away from me, and I am starting to wonder if he still wants to be with me if this was all just not worth the risk for him, or if it is even worth the risk for me.
Is what we have even real if he can push me away so easily? He did publicly declare his love for me, but honestly, I am not feeling any of it lately.
I sit at my desk at my home office, with my feet curled up on the chair, my head resting on my knee while I stare at my calendar. I have an important agency conference coming up this week. There will be literary agents from all over the world attending and I have invited my biggest client to join me for the conference. The invite had been sent out months ago, way before all of this began. Now she is saying she is not sure if she should attend with me just because of the negative publicity and that it might affect her own brand.
I cannot lose this client. I pick up the phone to call her.
It is time for me to stop focusing so much on all of this drama and to focus on my own life and keeping my clients happy. I have bills, and they don't take a break when the media gets crazy.
I might need to pull away from Hudson for now. The thought terrifies me, but the reality is that I am not able to sacrifice everything that I have worked so hard for --- not for a relationship that at this point seems like it might not even be real.
"Brenda, it's Gianna. I hope you are well?" I speak as soon as she picks up.
"Gianna, good to hear from you. How are you holding up?" She asks, with a genuine tone of concern.
"I'm doing alright. I wanted to chat with you about the event that is coming up this week." I need her not to back out of this; I can't afford to drop my big clients over this fiasco.
"As I explained in the email, I am a bit concerned about the repercussions of going with you. I know that the media is full of shit, ok, so I know that ninety percent of everything they put out there is total horse radishes, but I still need to tread carefully nonetheless." I know she is right, but I desperately need her to take a chance on me.
"I do understand. What I was thinking was that I would send a private driver for you, so we don't have to arrive together. I can meet up with you inside. It is a very exclusive event, and the media is not allowed inside so we don't have to worry about them being in the building. And if you don't arrive with me then you won't be caught in the crossfire of photographers on arrival. It is just that it is such a great event and will be a good experience for you as an author. I don't want you to miss out on it because of the chaos going on my side of things." I'm all but begging, and I am ashamed that I even have to.
"That sounds like a possibility. Let me run it through in my head and get back to you tomorrow, but that does sound like a plan I could go with." I know she is going to ask her publicist, and they will say no. But it was worth a shot.
"Thank you, Brenda. I appreciate it. Chat tomorrow." I let her go. This whole thing has me sick to my stomach. I can feel the knots and the acid churning up an early ulcer. If I lose my clients, I will lose everything.
Well, at least I feel confident that Brenda is still happy to be my client. She just doesn't want to be seen with me. Honestly, I am feeling nauseous about attending any public gatherings with the press hanging around, but I need to. I can't sit back and let this all control my life anymore. I need to get back into the swing of things. With or without Hudson, I have to do this for me; I am not going to lose everything, not again.
Out of my window, I can see the swimming pool. My heart sinks. Oh, what I would give to go back in time and be swimming in that pool with Hudson. I wish I could just be with him, somewhere quiet, where no one else was able to find us. The need to reconnect with him is burning inside me.
