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It is past one in the morning when I hear Hudson letting himself in using the key I have left for him. I actually have a moment of heart failure thinking it might be a reporter breaking in. You never know what they are capable of.
"Gi?" His voice drifts from the living room.
"I'm in here," I call out from my bedroom.
He comes into my room looking exhausted. Wearing all black and a peaked cap. He flicks the light switch off as he comes in and I put the book I am reading down. I lean over to turn on the bedside lamp and he gestures for me to stop. "It is better if we leave it off. Safer. You never know who is watching." Now I have to worry about peeping toms too.
"Are you serious?" I huff, feeling annoyed that he is so ashamed of being with me.
"I am sorry, Gi. It's just for now. Until things blow over." I wonder when that will be, or if we're in a hurricane and this storm won't end.
He goes around the bed to pull my curtains closed before undressing and climbing under the covers to pull me close to him.
"I've hardly even heard from you, Hudson." I move away a little; he has hurt me without even realizing it.
"I know. I --- it's just everything you know." I don't know because he has been a ghost, and has not shared any of it with me.
He tries to kiss me. I am sad when I pull away. I just can't when there's so much left unsaid.
"Hudson --- it's just --- I just don't think I am in the mood." I'm not, I am down, angry, and hurting. This isn't how to fix it; sex will just be a band-aid on the problem.
He looks surprised. "I'm so sorry, Gianna. That's okay. Let me just hold you." He pulls me closer, and I can't push away the anger inside me.
"I just feel like your dirty little secret with the way we are going about things at the moment. I don't want to feel like you are ashamed of me or hiding me but that is exactly how I do feel." Tears sting my eyes and a lump forms in my throat stopping me from saying anything more.
He pulls me close to him. "You are right, Gianna. I don't think I have been fair to you at all. I am struggling so much as well trying to navigate this nightmare and keep Taylor safe. I have no idea how to do this, what to do, what not to do?" His voice is strained like he is fighting his own tears back too.
"Maybe you should just focus on Taylor and stay away from me completely. This doesn't feel right." I start pulling away so I can roll over.
He wipes my tears away. "No, Baby. That is not what I want. Please just bear with me for a little longer. This is right, we are right for each other, I know it." His voice cracks, "The court date is early next week. It is right around the corner. If you can just give me a little more time this should all, be over soon." I don't think my heart has time to give right now.
I sigh, feeling deeply hurt by everything that is happening.
"I guess, maybe you are right. But with the court case so close now I have a feeling things are going to get worse before they get better." I admit my fears to him.
"We will just keep our heads down and get through it. As long as you know that even when you are not with me, I am thinking about you." He is all I think about, and that is a problem on its own.
He kisses me gently and I melt into his arms. Feeling his body against mine, feeling his arousal, I move closer to him and press against him.
Maybe everything will be okay.
CHAPTER16
HUDSON
"What do you mean it was delayed again? I want to get this custody battle settled, but it is become more and more impossible. How can they move the date again? It is the third time now." I am so frustrated I could spit; my whole life is in limbo and it's making me go crazy.
"It is only delayed slightly. Two days from now we will be in court. There was an issue with the judge who was meant to attend and --- look Hudson honestly, I think it is because of all the media attention you have been getting. It is so hard to know what is going on with everything constantly changing. Did you see the new article out today? They are claiming that Gianna and your brother were spotted together two nights ago at a nightclub." I saw it, "The photo is blurry and proves nothing at all, but you know how the public is. They love this stuff, and they are eating it up." I'm not though; neither is Gianna. I am worried about her, and I feel her slipping away from me.
"Gianna was with me two nights ago; regardless of any of that what has the public opinion got to do with my son and my custody battle?" This is utter bullshit. He knows it too.
"You know that law is not entirely without influence. We need to tread carefully around all of this publicity." I am done walking on eggshells.
"I don't CARE about the media sideshow anymore. I want my day in court. I want this over and done with. I want my son to be able to go back to school and see his friends. My whole life is being torn apart here!" I am yelling now, and I don't give a fuck.
"Honestly, Hudson, as your lawyer --- for the sake of your son --- perhaps you are focusing on the wrong thing. Perhaps the thing you need to decide is whether or not this woman is doing any good for you at the moment? For you and for Taylor."
"Fuck you." I seethe.
