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“If I can push the inn out of my mind, and my mom, and all the things that I feel like I need to worry about, but I also know that worrying isn’t going to fix any of it, I think I could be content too.”
“It’s hard to push that worry out, isn’t it?”
“It is. But that’s trust. Trust and patience, waiting for the Lord to work everything out.”
And every time she lifted up her fingers allowing God to have His way, without trying to control everything, she got a little stronger, a little more patient, a little more willing to trust.
“The problem is, sometimes God doesn’t work things out the way we want them to, and it actually looks like He’s doing worse than what we can do ourselves.”
“Like He’s putting us through something hard that we wouldn’t put ourselves through?”
“Exactly.”
“I used to think that sometimes when I would make my girls do things they didn’t want to. Like go to school. Or eat their broccoli. Or have a curfew. You know some of the theatrics that my girls went through, and how they thought that I was ruining their lives, and how they thought I hated them. But it was exactly the opposite. I love them, so I had to make them do hard things, or they wouldn’t grow up to be productive adults.”
“Yeah. I suppose being a parent kind of drives home all the things that God is trying to do with us.”
“Being a good parent. Some parents don’t care. It’s just easier to let the kids do whatever they want to, and they never make them do the hard things. Or punish them, when they don’t listen. I hated punishing them. That was the worst.”
“You’re not really the kind of person who is super commanding and loves to be in charge anyway.”
“I think you just said I’m not bossy. I’m pretty sure that was a compliment.” She grinned. They’d been having such deep conversations, which she loved. It made her feel close and connected and like they were sharing their innermost thoughts, which she’d always been able to do with Mark, which was maybe a little bit crazy. Since she was a teacher, and he was a landscaper. It wouldn’t seem like they’d have much of anything in common. But they’d never had a problem talking to each other and discussing deep things that were important to both of them.
They even discussed things that really didn’t matter.
“You remember all the long talks we had about whether or not Pluto was a planet?” she asked, thinking about things that really didn’t matter.
“You know it is. You even admitted that I was right.”
“Oh my goodness. No, I didn’t. It’s just a rock.”
They laughed together. Neither one of them had ever been swayed from their position, but they both admitted that their positions didn’t matter. Whether it was called a planet, or whether it was called a rock, it didn’t matter. But they had gone through all the reasons why, all the history, even the emotional impact of removing Pluto from the list of planets, and the psychological drawbacks of children who had been taught that there were nine planets in the solar system finding out that there were only eight.
They had been fun discussions, and she looked back on them with fondness.
“We’ve had a lot of good talks over the years,” he said, and she didn’t think he realized that his finger seemed to absently trace up and down her arm.
She wanted to snuggle closer to him, not necessarily because she was cold, but because...being with him felt so good.
Anytime they’d had those discussions, they usually sat on opposite sides of the table, or one of them on a couch and the other on the recliner. Or they’d had tons of good discussions while they were cooking supper and over a good meal. Good food.
“We never really lacked for things to talk about.”
“There have been lots of times where we’ve been quiet together. But it doesn’t feel awkward. Sometimes you’re just searching for things to say because you feel like you need to fill the silence when you’re with someone. I never feel like that with you.”
“I never feel like that with you either. I guess, I guess I don’t even really notice the silences. But you’re right, we’ve even had them tonight. They just feel natural.”
“Yeah. They do. I feel like I can be myself when I’m with you.”
She felt the same way with him. Like she didn’t have to put on any kind of show, didn’t have to pretend to be something she wasn’t, or just spout off words in order to make whatever was between them feel right and good.
Rodney had turned the horses around at a spot that seemed well used, like it was his normal place to turn the buggy, and they were quiet for a while in that comfortable silence that they both had commented on.
“What do you think the odds are that my mom and your sister will be in bed when we get home?”
“I think the odds are zero for your mom, and about fifty-fifty for my sister, depending on how she feels and what kind of day she had.”
“I think you’re right on the money with that.” She sighed a little, not looking forward to handling her mom. Her mom could be such a pill, and she had a hard day.
