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He rubbed his hands down my shoulders and arms to my waist and pulled me close. “Marley, I wouldn’t survive if you died trying to become a shifter. The guilt would fucking kill me. I’d lose you. And I can’t lose you.”
I wanted to argue, make more points, show him how foolish it was to keep up with this urge to prevent me from getting stronger. Couldn’t he see I was in just as much danger as a human as I would be going in to do the shift? But I could tell he was breaking. I could feel the hurt leaking out of the cracks that were barely holding him together.
“Okay,” I said. “Okay.”
“We’ll find another way.” He sounded so needy, so small. “We’ll figure out how to keep you safe. We’ll figure out how to keep you strong.”
I nodded, not entirely convinced. The look on his face told me he knew that. But I could feel his relief that we were putting a pin in this conversation.
“Perhaps I’ll feel better after the self-defense class tomorrow,” I said.
“Yeah,” Cole said. “I’m sure that the lessons have merit if there are a bunch of humans born from shifters here. If the lessons didn’t work, they’d probably make the change, too, you know?”
I nodded, smiling tightly. “Yeah, you’re right. We’ll make do for now. I’ll stop trying to put the cart before the horse. For all I know, it’s not as serious as Vic made it out to be.”
Cole huffed out a breath, and I felt the anxiety leave his body. His body and my body, actually.
“You know,” I said. “I thought it might be nice to enjoy that bathtub with you. Maybe in your lycan form? If it’s not rude to ask, I mean.”
“What?” A smile cracked through his tense expression. “It’s not rude. I guess I just always thought shifting without expressly needing to would creep you out or something.”
“Why would you think that?”
His mouth twisted. “It happened accidentally a few times when I was with Olivia. I’d shift in my sleep. I was still a bit of a young buck back then and didn’t always have my shifting under control. She’d always freak out when she woke up next to me and I was in my wolf form.”
“I’ve been wondering what it would feel like to sleep next to you while you were shifted.” My face warmed, and I swallowed hard. “Our family dog always slept in my bed with me when I was a kid.”
Cole gave a mischievous grin and bent down closer to me. “Marley Cage, are you equating me to a common dog?”
I gasped. “No! Of course not!”
The laugh that burst out of him sent relief coursing through my veins. “I’m kidding,” he said. “Do you want to try it tonight? It might get a little too warm for you, though.”
“I can always kick you off me if that’s the case,” I teased.
He laughed again and kissed my forehead. “See? You’ll handle yourself fine.” He winked, then entered the code on the keypad to unlock the door.
We went upstairs, and Cole started running the bath. As he came out of the bathroom, he pulled his shirt off. “It’ll probably take nearly half an hour to fill that massive tub. While we wait, want to tell me more about that primal kink of yours?”
My jaw dropped open and my heart stuttered. “I was hoping you’d forget about that whole thing.”
“Oh, I know you did.” His grin was rather too eager for my liking. “Unfortunately for you, I’m a degenerate.”
“It’s kind of embarrassing to discuss it,” I mumbled.
“Marley, baby.” He beckoned me over to the bed. “Come here.”
I flattened my lips into a thin line, hesitating. But when he sat down, I shuffled over to him. Cole pulled me onto his lap and placed my hand on his chest right over his heart.
“Whatever you want to experience, anything at all, I want you to tell me,” he said. “I know I’ve said that to you before, but apparently, it bears repeating.”
I chewed on my lip. “What if you don’t want to do something I want to do? I don’t want you to think I’m some kind of freak.”
“Would it make you feel better if I shared one of my kinks that I think is a little too intense? Maybe once you hear just how much of a freak I can be, you might feel a little better about sharing yours.”
“Haven’t you already told me everything?”
“No. Mostly because I don’t want you to think I’m a weirdo, and I definitely don’t want you to feel pressured to do something you don’t want to do.”
