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I hated the uncomfortable feeling that settled in my stomach. I hated feeling like a wall was going up between us.
I hated it.
Chapter 9
Marley
I took a deep breath, my heart pounding with excitement and nervousness as Sylvia and I made our way to the location we’d designated for recruitment. This was an important step for our pack, and I wanted to make a positive impression on potential new members.
A week had passed since Travis’s first injection, and despite the doctor’s warnings about the challenges ahead, Travis was having a pretty easy time of it so far. Lana had told me that he’d been tired the day after and had hurled up his breakfast and been an insufferable baby all day—Lana’s words, not mine—but that had been the worst of it.
Selfish as it was, I hoped the smooth sailing Travis was experiencing might help Cole see the value of me potentially becoming a shifter. I’d done my best not to bring it up or start any arguments about it. I managed to blame my emotional discomfort on a half-truth—that the ache in my chest wasn’t a pang of sad, pining envy, but from my experience with Wyatt’s aborted bite.
It wasn’t entirely false—that was how I’d been able to soothe Travis through his discomfort. I remembered that burn and how horrible it was to be facing a pain that only seemed to grow. A volunteer at the hospital had taught me that method to get through it. She was a short glimpse of a kind face in a sea of horrid memories—memories I hadn’t even thought about since they happened.
But that wasn’t the true source of that ache.
I was a victim of my own wanting.
As we walked, I floated through those feelings as if adrift on some strange, churning tide. My body moved alongside Sylvia’s, but my mind was far away.
“Are you up for this?” Sylvia asked, her warm smile putting me at ease. “You’re awfully quiet.”
Her words snapped me back to myself. I hadn’t realized I was being so transparent. “Oh, yeah. A little anxious, but I’m excited about talking to people about our pack and our goals. I’m happy to get to have a part in it. How do you feel about it?”
“It’s surreal,” Sylvia admitted. “In a lot of ways, Cole still feels like a kid to me. I think he’ll always feel that way.”
“I can only imagine,” I said. “It must make it difficult to follow his rules.”
“No, he’s a good kid. If anything, I’ll struggle to keep my opinions to myself when I see him going in a direction I don’t necessarily agree with. Even though he’s not my kid, in some weird way, it’ll always feel like he is.”
I nodded. “I’m sure he’ll appreciate your wisdom.”
“Well, we can only hope. Ah, here we are,” she said as we rounded a corner.
We were recruiting at a fair that catered to shifters in the area. The event was a couple of towns over from New Middle Bluff and was expected to draw over a thousand people. Cole had arranged a booth for us where we could give out information about our pack and try to meet other prominent shifters from our area.
Sylvia was usually the face of the company for Cole—she was the most practiced at talking to people, especially when it came to official business. As for me? I was just trying to help in whatever way I could, which didn’t feel like much these days.
The event was large and took place in the local convention center. Sylvia and I had spent the past couple of days putting printed materials together and having signage made for our booth. Though a modest set-up, the booth looked welcoming enough. It felt almost strange to set up water bottles and snacks as if we were trying to recruit for a book club or a soccer league rather than a pack.
As we finished setting up and sat down behind our booth, Sylvia looked over at me. “Still nervous?” she asked.
“Yeah. I’m starting to wonder if I’m the wrong person to be doing this. It will be pretty immediately obvious that I’m a human.”
“That’s part of why we want you here, though, isn’t it?” Sylvia calmly reminded me. “Our pack is not for shifters alone; it’s for humans, too. And you’re an important part of that.”
I pursed my lips. She was right in many ways, but I couldn’t help the feeling that I didn’t belong and would stick out like a sore thumb.
Sylvia patted my knee. “Marley, you belong here. You belong with us, in our pack. So, own your space. You deserve it, you really do. And believe me, after watching what Cole went through with Olivia, if I thought you weren’t acting in Cole’s best interest—in the pack’s best interest—I would say something. Even though you are a human, you’re well-integrated with us. You know that.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” I relented. “You’re right. I’ll put my best face on. I’ll represent the human side of things.”
Sylvia smiled and checked the watch on the inside of her wrist. “Event’s about to start. Let’s put our best smiles on and talk to all these amazing people who may need a place to call home.”
I smiled and nodded, standing up to greet folks as they started trickling into the convention hall.
I put on my best face for the duration of the event. Just as Sylvia had said, I met a pretty mixed group of people throughout the day. I met entire families with unconventional structures, just like what we were doing with our pack. I met one family with two shifter parents and a human daughter who were looking for a pack where they could live in the city, but also be sure that their child would be treated well. Telling them that I’d be in charge of making sure humans were well-integrated and trained to protect themselves against shifters—trained to hold their own—made me feel good.
