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"You want the truth?" he asks.
"Of course, I want the truth," I tell him, my voice a whisper, the room dark and quiet. The house is so empty, just the two of us. Like we're in a cocoon, a bubble of our own making. "I only ever want the truth from you."
He smiles and cups my cheek again, and my heart flutters. "I've been thinking about you forever, for years when we were growing up. Every time I passed you, I'd think,That girl's an angel. Way too good for me. I wasn't the best kid growing up. You know that, I'm sure. And then you left to be a nun. It's like you're heaven on earth. Which leaves me wondering, why'd you come home? Did something happen for you to change your dream?"
I nod. "Yeah. Something did happen."
His brows furrow. "What happened? Please tell me no one hurt you."
"No, not like that. I had an..." I lick my lips. "An awakening, I guess you'd say."
"What sort of awakening?" he asks.
"I had desires, urges I'd never felt before. I guess you can say I was a late bloomer …or repressed."
"What do you mean exactly?" he asks, running a hand over my shoulder down my arm. We're inches apart. I scooch my body even closer, wanting my knees to brush his knees, my nose to brush his nose. He laces his fingers with mine, and it feels as natural as anything I've ever felt.
“I suddenly started having ideas, ones I'd never had before. My body felt alive, alert.” I close my eyes. "What I'm trying to say is I got really horny, and being a nun isn't exactly conducive to getting off every time I was alone."
"Are you really being serious?" he asks.
I nod, opening my eyes. "I can't believe I just admitted that to you. When I told my family I was leaving, I didn't say something so explicit. I just told them I’d changed my mind. I told them I wanted a family, to be a wife and a mother, but also, I was horny. Wildly so. My body was desperate to be touched, and yes, I can take care of myself pretty well," I say with a smile, “but I had a longing, and it wasn't sinful. It was pure, but it was forbidden. A forbidden want … to be with a man.”
I close my eyes again, imagining what I imagined so many times alone in my bed, in the convent. I'd run my fingers between my legs, touching myself as I grew wet, imagining a man above me, inside of me, with me, holding me and touching me, adoring me. It's all I desired. It's all I want right now.
"You wanted to be taken, is that what you mean?" Silas asks.
I nod. "I wanted to be had mind, body, and soul,” I confess.
"Was there someone in particular you were imagining when you were all alone touching yourself?"
"I was imagining a man from home." My eyes narrow. "I was imagining you, Silas. When my dad mentioned your name tonight, I felt like it was some ridiculous joke or an answer to prayer. I don't know. I felt like someone had read my mind… like you had read my mind …and you showed up here to give me exactly what I wanted for Christmas."
"And what's that?" he asks, running his hand over my breasts, my nipples hard between his fingers as he touches me, runs his hands all over me.
"I want..." I exhale. "This and more, but my faith means I'm not going to have sex with someone who isn't going to be my partner."
Silas takes my hand in his. "I'm not the religious sort, but I have saved myself for my one true love."
My eyes widen. "You're a virgin?"
He nods. "Yeah. Crazy, right? Most people wouldn't believe it, and I wouldn't really admit it, but I always just thought there would be someone, the right one who I would give that to. And now you're wearing my grandmother Holly's wedding ring. And we both showed back up here in Briar Valley at Christmas, and you're the most beautiful woman I've ever known with a heart so pure it makes me want to be a better man. And we're in my bed, and no one else is here, and it's Christmas."
I run my hand through Silas's hair, wanting his lips to meet mine. "So what you're saying, Silas, is that maybe we're both one another's Christmas dreams come true?"
He nods. "Oh, Miracle. I know you're mine, and I'm sure as hell not going to let you go."
9
SILAS
Irun my hands over Miracle. Her honesty is beyond beautiful. She told me what she wanted, what she craves and desires, and all I want in the world is to give her exactly that.
"Are we really going to do this?" she asks, a smile playing on her lips. "Because, Silas, I've been dreaming about it for a very long time."
"What are you dreaming about exactly?" I ask her, loving her vulnerability. It makes me want to be honest and real with her too, to tell her all about my deepest fantasies.
I just imagine being kissed until I can't breathe, about my clothes being peeled off me piece by piece. Dreams about running my hands over her. She closes her eyes. "Running my hands over your length and kissing you, every inch of you. Can we do that?"
