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“I can’t wait.”
I sat in Hailey’s glider chair, and she sat in Hudson’s armchair. When I laughed, she looked at me wildly perplexed. “What?” she asked, glaring at me.
“You just look so damn cute down there,” I said.
She smirked and chucked a stuffed monkey at me.
A chandelier with leaf-shaped lights hung overhead and cast a warm, golden glow across the room. After the sun went down, the room became a magical oasis. I could imagine Hailey sitting and reading bedtime stories before Hudson went to bed.
“So, what do you do during the day?” I felt weird asking such superficial questions, but I was nervous about meeting Hudson. We’d already done a tour of the house, and we were both floundering.
“Normally, I have the baby. I work a couple of days a week. We have a little routine. It’s nothing exciting, but it’s the best thing in the world. You’ll see.”
“I hope I’m good at it. Do you think I’ll be a good dad?”
“You’ll be the best dad.” She sighed and looked around the room. “It feels weird.”
I was nervous to hear her answer but asked anyway. “What?”
“Not having him here. I miss him.” Thank God she didn’t say it was having me here that felt weird. She must have picked up on the relief I felt. “You’ll be great, Vince. I know you’re nervous. I can’t tell you how long it took me not to be a nervous wreck twenty-four hours a day. I still wonder if I’m doing the right thing. Or am I a good mom? According to your mom, that feeling never goes away.” Her laugh was etched with nervousness.
“I’m glad they were able to help.”
“They’ve been a blessing. I couldn’t have gotten through everything without them. They babysit him ninety percent of the time. And then we have Ashley, our babysitter, who fills in when they can’t.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about Hudson at the hospital?” My question came out of nowhere, but it was eating away at me.
“Your parents and I talked. We didn’t know how to tell you. I was about to right after I told you we were married, but then you kissed me . . . and then your parents showed up. And then . . .” She flitted her hands in the air. “I just didn’t want to spring it on you out of nowhere. We thought it would be best to get you settled in here. We knew coming home would be a lot to take in and get used to. I don’t know . . . Did I screw up? Should I have told you earlier?”
I could sense her anxiety rising. “Hailey, it’s okay. I have no idea what would have been better. I was just wondering, is all.” I wanted to reassure her that there was no right or wrong way to deal with this. “We—this all is a mess. I don’t know what to do. I know you’re doing the best you can. We have to be patient, like the doctor said.”
“You’re right. We had a life before all of this. And I know it’s weird and awkward.”
“Only because I’m missing parts of it.” She didn’t find sarcasm humorous.
“We will have it again, Vince.” Her smile told me she believed this beyond a shadow of a doubt.
I wasn’t as optimistic. I hated feeling so helpless and hopeless.
The sound of the front door opening stopped my heart, and all my negative thoughts dissipated. I had an acute sense of hearing. I didn’t know if it was my training or the anticipation of meeting my son.
When my mom walked in carrying Hudson in her arms, I was frozen with fear and excitement. My son. I couldn’t believe it.
He was sleeping and looked like an angel. “He’s perfect,” I said.
Mom looked down at him and swept his hair back. Her lip quivered. “He certainly is.”
“He looks just like you did,” Dad said, sounding as choked up as I felt.
As we stood together, tears filled all of our eyes. Mom nudged me and settled Hudson into my arms. I looked down at him. This was too much, and I couldn’t breathe. But everything was so perfect. I was alive. My parents were here. I was standing with the love of my life. And my precious son was in my arms.
Chapter 11
Hailey
The tension in the air was palpable. Hudson spent the night with his grandparents last night. Vince picked at his scrambled eggs. I nibbled on a piece of toast. Swallowing that last bite was like eating a spoonful of sand. I tried to wash it down with my morning tea, but it was useless. I traced the rim of my mug, not meeting Vince’s eyes, which I knew were studying me, trying to get a read on how I felt about our upcoming appointment. He’d been home for almost a month now. Things were going okay, but I wanted them to be better—like they used to be. We were scheduled to meet for couples’ counseling later today, something I’d been pushing for but something Vince wasn’t exactly thrilled about.
He followed me to the sink.
