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“I can’t believe you think we need counseling,” he said. Even though the idea of needing help from Dr. Farris for couples counseling cut like a knife, Vince’s words tore me apart. I couldn’t help the tears that fell. “Hailey, baby, please don’t cry.”
I turned to face him, and the look in his beautiful blue eyes broke the dam even more. “I’m sorry,” I wailed. Vince wrapped me in his arms. He’d lost weight and muscle mass, but his touch was a fortress, and the strength of his hold made me feel safe. “I just feel like I’m doing everything wrong.”
“Honey, how do you think I feel? Hmm?”
“I know.” I sniffled. “It’s just that the doctor said it might be something for us to think about if things got rough.”
“Do you think there’s something wrong with us?”
I shook my head, my face still buried against his broad chest. I lifted away as he inhaled a deep breath.
“But you think we need professional help?” His eyes were full of warmth and adoration.
“I think Dr. Farris could help. I don’t know, baby. I just feel like it wouldn’t hurt, you know? You said he’s been helping you so far.”
“Hailey,” Vince’s voice was low but tinged with frustration. “It’s bad enough I have to go through this. There is something wrong with me. And yes, he has helped. But I thought everything was fine between me and you.”
I shook my head and sighed. “Vince, there’s nothing wrong with us. But there are things we could use some help with.”
“Babe—”
I held up my hand to stop him. We both knew we would benefit from meeting with a counselor. But admitting that something might be wrong felt like opening Pandora's box, and I was scared to look inside. I knew he was too. “I love you, Vincent. But you have to see that we could use some outside help and support.” And I definitely needed outside help and support bringing up the one issue that kept plaguing me . . . our lack of intimacy.
He rolled his eyes and groaned. “As if my parents aren’t supportive enough.”
This made me giggle, because I certainly couldn’t use his parent's help with our sex life. “I love your parents. And I know you do, too. But it’s not about help from your family. It’s about getting some outside perspective from someone who isn’t in . . . this.” I moved my hands between our bodies in reference to the two of us.
Vince leaned forward, his sapphire eyes searching mine. “Hailey, you’re holding something back. I don’t know what it is, but if something’s bothering you, we need to talk about it, not run to a therapist.”
His words stung. We’d always been a strong, united couple. We were unbreakable. But I’d been to hell and back. So had he. Being held prisoner and tortured for as long as he was had done major damage. And it wasn’t just him who suffered, but me too. And now that I knew what he’d been through, I didn’t know how to approach him about certain areas. Here I was, suggesting we needed help, and here he was, just trying to get through another day and acclimate to being a husband and a father. He didn’t understand the torment I’d been through while he was away. All the loneliness and fear that I’d lost him forever. And I didn’t understand the agony and suffering he’d been through.
I finally met his gaze, fresh tears brimming my eyes. And I could see the pain in his. “Maybe I’m being overly sensitive, but I thought it might help us communicate better, that’s all. I want us back on the same page. And I just don’t think we’re there yet.”
“You’re not being too sensitive, honey.” Vince sighed, his shoulders slumping. “We used to talk about everything. There wasn’t anything we couldn’t share with one another. What’s changed?”
“Nothing’s changed. But everything’s changed.”
“I know,” he whispered.
I didn’t know how to put it into words. I was so happy to have Vince back. I was so thrilled to watch him be a father. But I missed the man he used to be, the one who would hold me close and whisper sweet nothings in my ear. That man had been replaced by someone haunted by the horrors of war and torture, and I didn’t know how to get our intimacy back without causing him more pain.
“Please, Vince. Let’s just try.”
He framed my face in his hands. “I’d do anything for you. I hope you know that.”
“I do.” Two simple words sliced through me, threatening to reopen an old wound. The words echoed in my mind, and our wedding day flashed before me. We’d stood just like this right before he kissed me. I searched his eyes for some kind of recognition. But there wasn’t any.
He pressed his lips together and nodded. “What time is our appointment?”
“Right after your physical therapy.”
“Let me grab something to change into. I’m not wearing shorts and a t-shirt.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. Of course, Vince would refuse to look anything less than his best for a therapy session. He gave me a quick peck on the lips before retreating to the bedroom. Relief that he’d give couple’s counseling a try wrestled with the disappointment that he still didn’t remember our wedding day. Would he ever remember our most perfect, precious day? I wasn’t sure. If we could figure out how to move forward and get the physical intimacy back, that would be a start.
“So, you’ve been married for four years and have a baby,” Dr. Farris said. He was Vince’s therapist and agreed to see us for couples counseling. He studied us, his dark eyes silently probing through his wire-rimmed glasses.
I wrestled with the tissue in my hands. “Yes, that’s right.”
