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“Hailey said I should write everything down.”
“Writing it down won’t hurt.”
“But it won’t help.”
“Is that what you think?”
“I don’t know anymore. I guess I should give it a shot.”
“From what you’ve said, your dreams appear to be memories from your time away.”
“They have to be because it’s not any mission or anything I remember. I’ve gone through everything, top to bottom, and that’s the only thing that seems plausible. And it sucks because the one person I can talk to about this stuff can’t talk to me about it.”
“You mean Pete?”
“Yeah. Everything’s still classified, and since I’m going through all this, he’s not at liberty to discuss anything with me unless ordered to.”
“I get how frustrating that can be.”
“It’s not his fault. I just think if I could talk to him, maybe it would help.” I shrugged. “Then again, maybe it wouldn’t. So here I am, just kind of in limbo.”
“Let’s talk about these dreams of yours.”
“It’s just the same thing over and over. It always ends the same way. I just want to focus on moving on. I want to wake up from this nightmare. Got any way to make that happen?”
“Perhaps the repetition is the significance of the dream. There’s no easy answer here.” He steepled his fingers. “You can’t let the people who harmed you have control over you or blame yourself for what happened.”
“I don’t.”
“Nothing will be fixed miraculously. It takes time and patience. And I know you understand that.”
“I do.”
“Have you considered hypnotherapy?”
“You mean hypnotizing me?” I snorted.
“Hear me out?” he asked. I nodded. “Maybe trying to confront your memories with a different approach might help.”
“I’m not sure I can do that,” I said.
“After everything you’ve survived, of course you can. The only question is, do you want to give it a try?”
“I’m not sure it’s going to help.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because . . . isn’t it all a little woo-woo? I mean, meditation is one thing. But hypnosis? I just don’t know.” Dr. Farris sat quietly. It was a surefire way to ensure I considered my own words. “I guess the bottom line here is, what if this all shows how truly fucked up I am?”
“What if it offers you relief?”
“I want to go back to work. And if I can’t prove I’m not screwed up in the head, they won’t ever let me come back.”
“I’m not going to sugarcoat this, Vince. That is definitely a risk. I know you’re under a lot of pressure. But at the end of the day, you should make your decisions based on whether or not you think it’s truly the best thing for you to do.”
When I chuckled, Dr. Farris remained stoically still. I couldn’t read him. I held up my hand. “I’m not laughing at you. I can literally hear Hailey in the back of my mind telling me to stop being such a skeptic and try it your way.” I cleared my throat and shrugged.
“We will do whatever you’re comfortable doing, Vince. This is your body, your mind, your memory. It is not my intention to push you into any decision but to provide you with options. There has been success with hypnotherapy for many people. But this is a decision you need to make.”
