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“No. He’s just… a, um, friend,” I say lamely. “He’s here visiting a patient.”
“A friend?” she chokes, looking at me like I might have lost my mind. “Well, he is hot as Hades, but Jesus, he looks like he just got out of prison.”
I don’t reply. Because it is entirely possible he has.
19
KAT
When I finally get a break in the insanity at work, I manage to slip away from Black’s overprotective gaze and take a back stairway down to the first floor. Jimmy is camped out on his typical bench outside. I grab two of his favorite sandwiches from the cafeteria — chicken salad on soft white bread — and sit down beside him.
“Hey, stranger,” he greets me as I hand him one of the sandwiches. “You on your break?”
“Yep. I was in the mood for a lunch date. How are you doing?”
He starts to unwrap the sandwich. “Could be worse. You know, I always take life with a grain of salt.” He pauses, then gives me a smirk. “And a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.”
I groan. “I should have seen that one coming.”
We sit and eat mostly in silence. A few minutes later, I notice Jimmy keeps eyeing me as he chews.
“You got something on your mind, girlie? You’re lookin’ like someone peed in your corn flakes.”
Shit. I’m surprised it’s so obvious I’m stressed. I contemplate trying to tell him a short version of what’s going on, but it feels kind of selfish to be complaining about my life to someone who doesn’t have a home.
“I’m okay,” I smile. “I’ve just got some weird stuff going on with my brother. Remember the one I was on the phone with last time?”
“What, is he bein’ a sphincter again?” he asks.
I burst out laughing. “He is, yeah. He’s pissed off at me because he doesn’t like this guy I’ve been seeing. But my brother doesn’t care about me or what I want. I think he just has an ego problem. He just wants me to do what he wants me to do.”
Jimmy snickers. “Yeah, that’s a problem that us people with block and tackle between our legs seem to struggle with. I know I’ve been like that in the past.” His face clouds over. “Cost me more than one good woman, I ain’t gonna lie.”
I don’t know what to say in response. Jimmy’s life has been so hard I can’t even imagine. He’s lost so much. He risked his life for his country, but his country has let him down. He makes me ashamed to ever feel sorry for myself. Which is exactly what I’m doing right now.
“Jimmy,” I say, turning to him. “Why do you hang out at this hospital? Why this bench?”
“Well…” He blinks and looks away. For a second, I think I’ve offended him, and a spike of regret slices through me. I start to apologize, but he waves me off. “To tell you the truth, one of those good women I lost? She ended up here. They brought her in — overdose — but she didn’t come back out again.” He shrugs. “I guess I feel bad, ‘cause I wasn’t there when it happened. I shoulda been with her. Maybe I coulda stopped her.”
His voice cracks. I hear him swallow, like he’s struggling to say more.
“I’m so sorry,” I say.
Jimmy clears his throat. “You know, a good girl like you, you should have someone taking care of you. That guy you been seeing. Is he gonna do that?”
“He’s trying.” A dry little laugh escapes my throat. “I’m not always so good about letting him, though. I can’t really figure out if he’s just being a possessive ass, or if he’s really protecting me. Seems like sometimes with guys, it’s awfully hard to tell.”
Jimmy gives me an appraising look. “I can see that. Does he make you feel safe, or unsafe?”
“Safe. Definitely.” I exhale. “But I guess I’m afraid that if I start feeling too safe with him, then I’ll wake up and one day he’ll be gone. I’m afraid to trust him.”Or maybe, I’m afraid to trust myself.
“You know,” he says slowly. “Every day you get a chance to wake up — that you have breath — that’s a gift right there. You never know when your time will come. Or someone else’s time. You gotta look at it that way. Even when times are tough.”
I’m not exactly sure what Jimmy’s trying to tell me. I can hardly believe that this man is comforting me, instead of the other way around. But then, his eyes lock on mine, and I see the kindness in them. His words are a gift, too. I just need to think about what they mean.
I’m still contemplating what Jimmy said to me as I make my way back up to the emergency department. I’m barely halfway down the hall when Chantal, the nurse manager, comes jogging up to me, looking harried.
“Kat, where’ve you been? There’s a stab wound in exam room three who’s shouting for you.”
