AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Nothing was the same. Nothing felt the same. And without Makai, nothing would ever be the same. A prisoner in my own body was the best way to embody my sentiments. After being freed by his love, time, patience, and care, I felt like I’d been taken hostage by his absence. It was all-consuming.
“Ready?” Aeir asked, switching gears.
I shook my head from one side to the other, displaying my true feelings. I was far from ready to face reality. Laying in the hospital bed without Makai was hard enough. Walking into a space that we shared, knowing he wasn’t coming home to me, would be too overwhelming.
Aeir’s hand gently caressed my leg. She squeezed, trying her best to reassure me. However, there was only one person in the world I wanted assurance from, validation from, at the moment. And I was far from ashamed to say it.
“I just need him to come home to me,” I admitted.
There were no more tears left to cry. I’d exalted them all. My body was drained, tear ducts were dry.
“How is it that one day your life is the closest thing to perfect, and the next day, it’s barely a breathable place? I feel like I’m suffocating, Aeir. He left and took his love with him. I don’t understand. I’m confused. My heart is confused. My heart… It’s hurting… so bad.”
“I understand, babes. When you love someone so much, so hard, and with everything you have, losing them feels like the end of the world. I can’t say anything that’ll make you feel better. All I can do is comfort you at this time.
“My words, Glacier, they can’t soothe your pain. It’s fresh and it’s valid. Your relationship has ended. Not due to death, cheating, or differences that you couldn’t resolve. It’s ended because life happened and ripped the man you love away from you. That’s a hard pill to swallow. You won’t get it down today, tomorrow, or even next month. Take it slowly. But remember that life does, in fact, go on.
“And this may not be the end. Maybe it’s just a comma. Just a pause. Just an obstacle. I don’t believe, not even a little, that this is the end of your story with Makai. I just don’t believe it, Glacier. Nothing in my heart will allow me to.”
“I miss him so much. I just—I don’t know.”
“You don’t have to know right now. Take your time. There will be order after the chaos. But first, give yourself time to feel, time to hurt, and then time to heal. You’re a beautiful girl with a bright future. Don’t let this situation dim your light. Keep your head up, and when you’re ready, keep pushing forward. You know what they say about things you love… let it go. If it’s meant, it’ll come back around.”
“I don’t know, Aeir.”
“Things with Malachi and I weren’t always this way, Glacier. I left him, pregnant with our son and all. I chose to put myself first and push forward, no matter how much it hurt. I knew, deep within, that he was the man for me. I knew that he was my final destination.
“Me knowing wasn’t enough, though, babe. Malachi had to know that for himself. And not by me convincing him. He had to figure it out on his own. I stepped away to give him the time he needed to do so. When he returned three months later, he had a different view of us, of our life. We haven’t been more certain of our love than we are now.
“Each day, that certainty grows and it all started with me pushing past the pain to let love work its magic. This feels so much of the same. Makai is the most fearless man I’ve met, other than his brothers. But there’s one thing he’s afraid of. It’s not life. It’s not death—not his death, at least. It’s the death of the people he loves.
“He’s afraid for them to leave him. Like his mother and father. He is still healing. Malachi expressed on several occasions that Makai took Anna’s death the hardest out of his entire family. It was triggering. It changed something inside of him, too.
“Falling in love, for Makai, finding someone he wants to spend forever with, it’s all triggering for Makai. He hasn’t lost his mind, Glacier. He lost his heart. It’s with you. And he’s simply trying to protect it at all costs. He’s just being Makai. He’s just being proactive.
“He’s making sure that it’s not him standing over your grave on Sundays. He’s making sure you have the chance to live life, whether he’s a part of it or not. His freedom is a small price to pay for that. At least it’s the way he sees it. Give him grace. He’s a man in love and there’s not much that can deter a man in that precious place.”
Aeir had shed so much light on the situation, forcing me to think of everything from Makai’s perspective after only thinking of myself. Makai wasn’t being the selfish man I’d accused him of being. He was, indeed, the selfless man I’d fallen in love with.
“My God, he’s stubborn.”
“Now that… I agree with wholeheartedly.”
We’d arrived fairly quickly. I wasn’t quite ready to face the silence, but the choice wasn’t mine to make. Makai had decided for both of us. I’d been advised to walk away from something that grounded me on my worst days. It would be hard. It would be the hardest thing to ever do.
Mourning my parents’ death wouldn’t compare because their lives ended. They didn’t just leave me, they left this earth. Mourning my relationship with Valencia and Nelson wouldn’t compare, either. They’d both wronged me, making the transition much easier than the one I was facing.
Makai was still among the living. Makai hadn’t done anything to hurt me. So, this felt like nothing I’d ever felt before. Mourning something that still lived within you, mourning someone that was still among the living and still made your heart beat.
Aeir and I used the elevator to reach my floor. The empty cubby was such a dreadful sight. My new truck was somewhere in a salvage yard, waiting to be crushed and tossed into a wasteland somewhere.
“It feels like my life is falling apart.”
“Or falling together,” Aeir suggested, coming into my condo.
She hung her purse on the hook behind the door and removed her coat. Her shoes were next. I undressed, slowly, making sure I didn’t agitate my fragile frame any more than it already was. Thankfully, there were no broken bones, but the bruises and concussion were enough to slow me down for a couple of weeks. My ribs hurt every time I spoke or moved. They were barely intact, suffering bruises as well.
“I don’t know, Aeir. It feels a lot like—”
