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“I understand Makai, but—”
“You don’t, Mommas. You don’t understand,” I gritted, frustrated with myself for bringing her into my world.
I could’ve saved us both the inconvenience. Because that was all that nigga was, an inconvenience. Nothing more, nothing less.
“Makai.”
“Glacier, I’m trying, aight? I’m trying to keep my head above water here but I am failing. I am becoming the man that I dread, for your sake alone and nothing else. I’m becoming the man I was before you stepped foot in my world. I’m becoming the man that was necessary to become the man that you fell in love with. And I can’t tell you if you’ll like that man—if you’ll love that man. But right now, I’m him, G.”
“I don’t care, Makai. All I care about is you. I’m here and I’m willing to meet you wherever you are, whenever you’re there. Just don’t ice up on me. Stay warm, just a little, for me.”
“I need to go,” I lied, unable to lie to her.
Warmth was void in my life at the moment. It served little to no purpose. Warmth would only get me killed, or worse, Glacier. With those odds stacked against me, I couldn’t welcome it, not even for her.
“Come here, Makai. Come to me. My security blanket has been snatched from around me. I’m feeling most vulnerable right now. I’m feeling exposed. Naked. A mess.”
Her confession made my chest ache. It was my responsibility to offer her security. I’d failed. Hearing her confirm it left me with no choice but to restore it, restore her. I ended the call without another word spoken. My foot applied more pressure to the pedal. I zoned out with only my destination and Glacier in mind.
I made it to the hospital in record time, parking the scuffler at the very end of the parking lot. Before stepping out, I secured my piece on my waist, removing the safety on my second one. I had no intention of being safe. I wanted to send a nigga to hell twice so that I could kill his ass two more times when I got there.
Fresh off the elevator, I stalked the hallways of Glacier’s unit. Oncology was her specialty at the moment, but it was only temporary. Pediatric nursing in the intensive care unit was where her heart rested but she needed a full year of experience before she could apply for that position.
I circled the entire floor, ending up near the elevator again, empty-handed. The waiting room was my next stop. There, I found a comfortable chair and grabbed the remote to the television near the door. I wouldn’t relieve the seat of my body’s heat until Glacier clocked out.
I’m here, Mommas, I texted, desperate to relieve her of the apprehension she felt. The text had much more depth than what it was intended for.
I’m here, Mommas.
Forever.
For life.
Always.
In all ways.
Any time.
Every time.
However.
Whenever.
Whatever.
It didn’t matter. It never would.
I love you, she responded with a red heart attached to her message.
What was understood didn’t have to be explained. I shut down my screen and prepared to wait out Glacier’s shift along with her and the rest of her team. They, too, were safe as long as I was in the building.
* * *
Peacefully in my arms, Glacier slept. She’d taken a full hour break to get some shut-eye after the chaotic night she’d had the previous night. Sleep hadn’t come easy for either of us. I didn’t get a wink in, which was the reason I couldn’t keep my eyes open for more than a few seconds. The sound of Glacier’s alarm alerted me mid-doze.
“Huh?”
