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“I don’t know about that, either. That motherfucker ice-cold right now. And her optimism, there’s no room for that right now. I don’t see one positive outcome in this situation. I just don’t. That’s too much of a burden for her fragility. I’m fucking pissed even thinking about that shit.”
“Makai,” Royce called out to me.
“Yeah?”
“As green as she is, Glacier is no fool. She knows who she fell in love with. She knows what type of man she’s given her heart to.”
Taking her words into consideration, I agreed.
“You’re right. That still doesn’t make this shit any less complicated.”
“I know.”
“Ima let you go.”
“Call me if you need me—or any of us, for that matter. We’re here.”
“I know. Appreciate it. Shave some off the top for yourself.”
“Already did that, Makai. You know me. That was first.”
“I can respect it. Holler at cha.”
I discontinued the call and set the phone in my lap. My hands came down my face as a low groan emerged. I felt the brittle, brutal parts of me resurfacing as I waited for any signs of movement in the home I waited outside of. There were none.
I utilized the moment of stillness to give in to the temptation that was knocking on my heart. My finger hovered over the call button as I contemplated placing a call to Glacier. As if our hearts were in sync, my phone began to buzz in my lap. Without thinking, I silenced the call at the realization that I wasn’t quite ready to talk. I had no words.
I settled for a text, hoping it would suffice. Speaking to Glacier would only soften my resolve. It was what I feared for the moment. I needed the sharp edges I’d acquired throughout my life, not the ones she covered with her gentleness and blanketed with her love.
What’s up, G?
The gray bubbles I waited for never appeared. Instead, another call came through. It was Glacier, again. Worried that something was wrong, I started the engine of the scuffler that I had traded my wheels for and headed toward the hospital where she was on the clock.
“Hello?” I answered her call, refusing to let it ring out and regret it later.
“What’s up, G?” she emphasized, voice shaky and full of pain. “Baby, what’s happening right now?”
“Shit, Mommas, I thought something was going on.”
I slowed the engine, obeying the laws put in place by the city.
“In my opinion, there is something going on, Makai.”
Because I had no rebuttal, I remained silent.
“Talk to me.”
“And say what, Glacier?”
“Don’t do that to me.”
“Do what?”
“Grow cold. Don’t do that to me.”
Pausing, I chose my next words wisely. She was accurate in her observation. I was hardening. I could feel it with each passing second. There was no discrimination when my switch was flipped. There were no exceptions. There was only red. I only saw red.
“I’m not trying to, baby. I’m just between a rock and a hard place right now.”
