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“Are you okay?” He narrows his eyes in concern.
“You know me, Shane. I’m good.”
“Yeah, I do know you. So that’s why I’m asking if you’re okay?”
I walk into his office and sit on his desk. He does know me. Apart from my twin, Shane knows me better than anyone. He’s always been my father really. Ever since he saved me and Liam from being drowned in a bathtub when we were a few hours old by the lunatic who actually spawned us. It was just one of the many times he saved our lives. “What else should I be? A man I hate, who hates me, who I barely know, and who lives on the other side of the world, is dying. It has no impact on my life really, does it?” I shrug.
“I suppose not when you put it like that.”
“Liam is cut up though,” I say because these past few days I have watched him become more and more withdrawn. The only time he has a smile on his face is when Jessie calls and I wish she’d hurry her ass up and get back to us, because I miss her like crazy too.
“I know.”
“It’s funny how he never feels good enough, isn’t it? He’s one of the best people I know, but he always doubts himself. Yet the most horrible bastard to ever walk this earth is sitting back in Ireland, riddled with disease, and yet still thinks he's the goddamn king of the world, when Liam is one hundred times the man he ever was.”
“Yep,” Shane nods. “But we’re still talking about Liam and I asked how you were doing?”
“I told you,” I snap.
“I don’t believe you.”
“I miss Jessie,” I admit. “And I miss Conor too. Nothing’s the same around here without them.”
“They’ll be back soon,” he says and I see the change in him at the mention of her name.
“How are you, Shane?”
He frowns at me. “Fine.”
“I don’t believe you.” I tilt my head as I watch him trying his best not to tell me to fuck off out of his office. “Don’t like that, do you, bro?”
“Fuck off, Mikey,” he says with a sigh.
I shake my head. He, of all people, doesn’t deserve my attitude. The truth is, I’ve been completely off kilter since I found out our father was dying of cancer, because it has dredged up so many long buried memories. And all of the people I could talk to about it are hurting too. Except Jessie.
Fuck, I miss her so much. She would make it better even if she didn’t realize that was what she was doing. Just watching TV with her or playing cards soothes my soul in a way that nothing else can.
“I’m sorry,” I say to him. “But I know you’re not fine, Shane. You try and hold everything together for everyone else, and you can’t do that forever, bro. One day soon, something is going to give.”
“Since when were you all deep and philosophical?” He narrows his green eyes at me.
I shake my head. “I mean it, Shane. You can’t keep living like this, bro.”
“Like what?” he scowls.
“Half a fucking life. Never letting anyone in.”
“Is this about Jessie?” he says with a sigh.
“You tell me. Do you miss her?”
“Go and bring Liam back. You two have work to do,” he says with a wave of his hand.
“Answer me and I’ll go get our baby brother back,” I challenge him.
“What the fuck, Mikey?” he shouts. “What the fuck do you want from me?”
I stand up from my chair. I don’t want to fight with him, but he's the most stubborn bastard I have ever known. “It’s just a question, Shane. Do you miss her?”
