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I’ve been in labor for eight hours now. I’m tired. I’m in pain. I’m hot. And everything anyone does to help cool me down or soothe me just makes me want to rip their head off. Why the hell did I decide on no decent pain relief? Oh, yeah. Needles.
“You’re almost fully dilated, Jessie,” Brooke says, her voice soft and calm. “I’m going to need you to push soon.”
She looks around the room at my four anxious husbands hovering nearby and rolls her eyes.
“Hey, I know this is exciting, but there are kind of too many people right here in the loading dock area, you know what I mean?”
“Sorry, Doc,” Mikey mumbles.
“Two of you is perfect. One each side of Jessie to give her what she needs. Okay?” Brooke offers.
“You two take the first one and we’ll take the second,” Mikey says to Conor and Shane.
“They’re babies not taxi-cabs, Mikey!” I hiss as a contraction squeezes my abdomen, and he slopes away from the bed.
“Okay, firecracker,” Shane says softly as he brushes my damp hair from my forehead and places a cool cloth there.
“Thank you,” I whisper as my contraction subsides. “I’m sorry, Mikey.”
“Don’t apologize,” Brooke admonishes me. “You’re about to give birth to two babies, honey, You scream and curse as much as you want to. Right?”
“Right,” the boys agree.
I swear, pushing a baby’s head out of my vagina is the most intense pain I have ever experienced in my life. I squeeze Shane’s and Conor’s hands so tightly I worry I might break their fingers, but then it would be nothing compared to squeezing out a giant-headed Ryan baby.
“One final push, Jessie,” Brooke says as Shane and Conor tell me how well I’m doing and brush my hair from my sweaty face.
“Argh!” I scream, making a sound I didn’t even know I was capable of and then it happens. Our beautiful baby is out.
“It’s a girl,” Brooke cheers as our daughter takes her first breath and her cries fill the air. Mikey and Liam are there, cutting the cord and helping Brooke clean our baby girl up a little so she can lie on my chest. Conor and Shane stay by my side as tears of pure happiness run down my face.
“Look at her, Momma.” Brooke holds up the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life and I swear my heart is about to burst out of my chest with pure joy.
She hands her to Mikey who places her on my chest and I wrap my hands around her tiny, perfect body as I stare down at her perfect face.
“Ow!” I hiss as another contraction squeezes my uterus in a vise.
“I got her,” Conor says as he lifts our daughter and cradles her in his arms. Shane kisses my forehead before he follows Conor, and Mikey and Liam take their places.
“One more baby and we’re all done,” Brooke says with a reassuring smile.
“Didn’t you say the boy was bigger than the girl?” I swallow as I look at Brooke.
“Uh-huh, but that doesn’t mean the birth will be any different.”
“Unless he has a giant head,” I breathe as the pain starts to subside for a few glorious seconds.
“His head is perfectly proportionate to his body. Now let’s do this,” Brooke says and I swear she was a cheerleader in high school.
I hang onto Mikey and Liam’s hands and scream as another contraction hits.
“Should it really be hurting this much, Doc?” Mikey asks.
“Have you ever tried to push a coconut out of your penis, Michael?” she snaps.
“No.” He winces, his free hand instinctively flying to his crotch.
“Isn’t there anything you can give her to stop the pain?” Liam asks.
