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I shake my head rapidly. “Don’t. Stay away from me.”
He takes another step. He’s right in front of me, but I refuse to look at him. I fix my eyes on the carpet, wiping my cheeks. I know my eyes are puffy, and my nose is red and swollen. I’m sobbing in front of Lucas, and I want to die.
“Charlie,” he says, voice dropping in volume until it’s almost a whisper. “You deserve the best.”
In my periphery, he raises his hands. I flinch, but he doesn’t hurt me. Instead, his large hands take my face, and gently, he uses his thumb to wipe away my tears.
I breathe heavily as I gather myself. Crying has sapped away my energy, and I feel like I’m about to collapse. That’s the only reason I don’t push Lucas away, don’t shove his hands away from me.
“I hate you,” I manage after a moment.
He doesn’t reply. His eyes are…sad. Not remorseful. No. He’s looking at me the way someone would look at a sick puppy.
With pity.
I shove him away, and this time, I catch him by surprise, because he falls backwards, catching himself on the edge of his bed. His eyes flash big, and it’s satisfying. It’s good knowing that for once, I’ve made him feel unsteady.
“We’re done,” I hiss, voice heavy with venom. That expression of his has renewed me with power, and I feel momentarily free. “I’m never ever going to forgive you for this. We’re finished.”
Lucas’s lips part. Good. Good. Finally, he’s the one being taken by surprise.
I walk towards the bedroom door. I’m going to go to my room and lock the door.
I’ve just reached for the handle when he grabs me from behind, spins me around and pins me against the door. His hands are wrapped around my wrists again, holding them against the door. His chest presses against mine.
“Fine,” he says, and his breath is hot against my lips. “You’re right. I’ll stop making excuses. I did it for me.”
His pupils are so big, the black eclipsing the grey. It’s terrifying. My heart thuds in my ribcage. He’s got me totally trapped against the door, and there’s no way I can escape.
“You hear that? I fucked your girlfriend for myself. Happy now? Happy I’m admitting it?” he asks.
I open my mouth. I want to tell him to let me go, but I can’t make the words come out.
“But guess what? I had to. Yeah. I had to. You made me do it. You…and your stupid fucking relationship.”
His face moves closer, and I try to pull back, but there’s nowhere to escape to.
“Ever since you started dating her…you should have heard yourself. Cleo this, Cleo that. My girlfriend this, my girlfriend that. Non-stop. Every single day. Hell, every single hour. You couldn’t stop talking about how gorgeous and perfect and amazing she was.”
He lets out a heavy breath. “You did everything for her. Took her out to restaurants you couldn’t afford, showered her with all of your time and attention, listened to her vapid problems. And even when you weren’t with her, you were constantly messaging her. Thinking about her. It was all about Cleo, Cleo, Cleo.
“When was the last time we hung out, Charlie? Huh? We’re roommates, and we’ve barely spent any time together since you got a girlfriend. It’s like…” his voice breaks. “I don’t even exist to you anymore.”
I stare at him.
“You never have time for me anymore. You stopped paying attention to me.”
What is going on?
His expression hardens. His eyes, almost totally black now, glint like onyx. “So yeah. Maybe I did it on purpose. Maybe I fucked your girlfriend knowing full well it’d make you mad. But at least…at least you’re looking at me right now. That’s all I wanted. For you to look at me.”
My heart’s still racing. I feel as if I’m on the precipice, about to fall. I’ve never seen Lucas act like this before, and I don’t know what’s going to happen next.
“She…” he exhales a ragged breath, “She got to touch you all the time. She got to kiss your lips. Sit on your lap. Hold your hand.”
His body is so, so close. His skin is as hot as mine.
“She got to do everything with you.” His voice drops even lower, until it’s quieter than a whisper. “That night after Gilly’s birthday…when the two of you went to your room and I could hear the bed squeak through the walls…it drove me insane.”
