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"We're looking for Olivia?" Chloe asked and I went to pick her up.
"You found her?" Mom asked as she walked with us to my car.
"Yes and yes," I replied.
"Will she be excited to see us?" Chloe asked although she was the one clearly excited about the whole thing.
"I'm sure she will," I smiled.
"Good luck," Mom said.
"Thank you," I nodded.
Olivia may have run away, but I was going to have her tell me why she really left directly to my face.
Chapter twenty-two
Living Without You (part two)
Olivia
In Maryland, I threw myself into my work, trying to distract myself from the ache in my heart. I missed Ben's warm embrace, Chloe's laughter, and the feeling of being home. But I had to focus on my goals, convincing myself that I was doing the right thing.
Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. The distance and time apart took a toll on me, and I found myself longing for the comfort and love I had left behind. I missed the little moments, the shared smiles, and the feeling of being a part of something special.
As much as I tried to convince myself that I was doing what was best for my future, doubts gnawed at me. Had I made a mistake? Was my ambition worth sacrificing the love and happiness I had found with Ben and Chloe?
About my new workplace, it wasn't easy at first. To no one's surprise, my unlucky streak had activated. I had forgotten my phone on the plane and there was no way it would still be there. So trying to explain who I was to the manager was slightly a problem. But he had a good relationship with Dr. Williams; he got in touch with her. She was able to speak to him on my behalf, and I got to work.
It was a fun environment, with children everywhere I turned. Compared to the children's ward at Ben's place, this hospital was lacking. I applied everything that Martha had taught me and became loved by almost all the children there. It was a relief to see that everything I had been taught was of some use.
I missed working with Martha and the staff at Ben's hospital. This place worked, but there was more passion at Ben's hospital. Ben himself was an embodiment of passion, and my body shuddered whenever I thought about him. Remembering everything he had done to my body, I would feel warm. When I returned to reality, I would feel cold all over again.
In the stillness of my lonely nights, I found myself remembering the letter I had written. Each word felt like a dagger, piercing my heart with guilt and regret. I missed them so much that it physically hurt.
"Chloe must hate me now," I said as I cuddled with the teddy she had gifted me.
I missed tucking her into bed, or waking her up.
I missed walking around with her.
I missed her laughter.
I missed having her read me stories.
I missed watching her eyes beam with joy when I would go to pick her up from her grandma's place.
Then cooking with her while we waited for Ben. Then Ben… just like Chloe's laughter, his voice still lived rent-free in my head, comforting me whenever I would feel down or upset. Some nights, I would touch myself to try and remind myself how it felt with him. But it wasn't enough, he was just better at it. Sometimes, I'd touch my face to remember how he held my face, but my hands were too small.
"I'll take all your bad luck."
I chuckled to myself as I remembered his promise. He was so cringe. But he was sweet. He loved me… didn't he? I wondered what had happened to Jason. Did Ben find him that night? If not, would he stop stalking Chloe, if he found out that I was no longer in the state?
Maybe… I rushed into this decision of chasing after my career. That wasn't the only thing that bothered me, I was also pregnant. The first month wasn't that had, getting used to the boob increase and morning nausea. I was reminded about Sophia, is Ben AA?
I didn't want my daughter or son to suffer what my mom and Sophia did. Had Ben already found out about the pregnancy? I told Ethan I was going to tell him, but even with my new phone, I didn't have Ben's number. My stupid ass didn't save his number to the cloud.
