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During the second month of my pregnancy, the signs became obvious, and my colleagues started acting a little differently. I guess it would be expected. I was a single young lady - and a travel nurse at that. When did I have time to get knocked up?
"So like, do you know who the father is?" Rita, a fellow auxiliary nurse asked.
"I do. And I don't want to talk about it," I smiled.
She nodded and never brought it up again. She wasn't a bad person, but I didn't want to provide a source of unnecessary gossip. I continued to live my life quietly. Waking up, going to work, ensuring I ate properly for the growing baby. A lot of times, I just wanted to pack up and return to Richmond and see if Ben would take me back. But with what I did to him and his daughter, there was no way he'd want to see me again.
I mean he did mention he didn't like the idea of me abandoning him in London, so much that he developed a phobia if I disappeared. Now two months without contact with him? He wouldn't care anymore even if Ethan were to tell him where I was.
"If you'd feel this bad, why did you leave in the best place?"
"Because I've always wanted to go to Maryland. I thought this would be a good opportunity."
"You'd even lie to yourself."
I held back the tears. I was at the reception area trying to get a cup of water. The last thing I wanted to do was cry in front of the patients and my colleagues. One thing was certain now. I was stupid for leaving Richmond.
"Lady luck, if you're listening today, I want to apologize for the pizzas I didn't sacrifice," I said as I squeezed the empty cup. "I know I don't deserve it but I need to ask for one more stroke of luck. I need to see Ben and Chloe again. I want to go back… I want them to accept me again. I promise not to run this time. I'll be a good woman, and…. a good mother. I promise."
Like that would actually work.
"Olivia," a familiar voice called.
I turned around in disbelief and found Ben standing behind me with Chloe.
"Ben? Chloe?" I couldn't believe my eyes.
"Miss Olivia!" Chloe called as she ran to me and embraced me. "You liar! You didn't call! You didn't write letters either!"
"I didn't.. I.. I don't…" I was too stunned to speak or say anything.
I honestly thought my eyes were deceiving me.
"Do you hate me and daddy now?" she asked as she stared up at me with teary eyes.
"What? No? Never! I never have and never will," I replied.
"Why did you…" Chloe stopped midway and just hugged me instead.
It was the first time I didn't see my daughter in her. But just an innocent little girl that I had abandoned.
"I'm so sorry," I started to apologize as a fresh batch of tears started to form, from my guilt and shame. "I'm so sorry, Chloe. I didn't… I thought…"
My excuses were pathetic. I looked at Ben: his fists were balled and his face was filled with frustration, but there was relief as well. He was hurt. I hurt him. I hurt both of them.
Tears welled up in my eyes, and my voice cracked as I replied, "Ben, I'm so sorry for causing you pain. I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want Jason, or my luck to get in your way. I thought if I just went away, I could…"
He walked up to me and hugged me. "You idiot. Didn't I tell you to rely on me for your luck?"
"I know, I just…" I couldn't finish my statement as he held my chin and made me face him.
He kissed me right in front of everyone and his daughter. I didn't feel embarrassed at all. I needed this. This reassurance. I didn't know I did, until he kissed me. We kept our relationship secret, and I worried about his reputation but now it didn't matter. I kissed him back. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I remembered all the times we kissed and spent time together.
I remembered breakfast with Chloe. I remembered the fiasco on the couch. I remembered everything that made me love him, How kind he was, how awkward he could be, and how much he was willing to keep me close to him. To think I subconsciously let Jason into my head, just because I had never heard Ben say the words I wanted to hear.
I never said them to him either.
"Isn't that the travel nurse?"
