AllFreeNovel
Share Us
His eyes fix me in place, his hand coming up to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I lean into the touch like a cat deprived of love. It's been so long since I've let myself have any real affection. My life has been a never-ending trainwreck since Aleksy died. When I got back to New York, I was a mess. Those months are a blur, a scary blur. I became hypersexual. I got it into my head that if I was the one making the decisions about when and how I was sleeping with men it would make me feel more powerful, more in control. It never did. Every time left me feeling more empty than before. I didn’t pull myself together until I found out I was pregnant and even then it’s been shaky.
“I should probably go back upstairs, Hannah is meant to be going out tonight. I don’t want to make her late.”
“I'm not leaving you.” He says simply. His eyes roam over my face like he's committing me to memory just like he used to. It makes my chest constrict.
“Stay with me?” I ask. He nods, taking his keys and getting out of his car.
He follows me up the stairs, his presence like a weighted anxiety blanket. I open up the door and Hannah's blonde head pops round the corner instantly. Julius comes trotting through seconds after Hannah’s worried eyes settle on me and then widen when Enzo comes through the door behind me. I told her I was going to speak to him. She just wasn’t sure how it was going to go, as far as we knew, he was married.
Enzo's eyes narrow on Hannah and she grimaces. “She told me I wasn’t allowed to mention anything to you.” She says it in a much sharper tone than I'm used to. I'm surprised, Hannah is the least confrontational person I know. She wouldn’t say boo to a goose. She told me he called a few times after I left but I made her promise me she wouldn't say anything. I didn't want any more blood on my hands. I’m drowning in it as it is.
“Do you need me to stay?” She asks me. I shake my head. “No, I’m okay.”
She narrows her eyes at Enzo and crosses her arms pulling her shoulders back. “I think I'll stay.”
Enzo's eyes seem to crucify her. “If I wanted to hurt her, I would have done so already.”
I give her my best ‘trust me’ look. “Hannah, I’m okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She looks at Enzo, something in their eyes passes. Possibly a warning on her part. “He's still asleep.” She says handing me the baby monitor, she doesn't let go for a moment and holds my eyes. “I’ll have my phone on. Ring me if you need me. Okay?” I nod. She grabs her bag and leaves, not without giving Enzo one last warning with her eyes.
I give Julius a pat but he doesn't look at me, his eyes are focused on Enzo, posture alert. After I got back to New York I sorted out his travels over here. Mum wouldn't be able to handle him and it's what Alek would have wanted. “This is Julius,” I say without looking at Enzo, I’m scared. “He was Aleks.”
Enzo takes a step forward and holds his slack hand out to Julius. He sniffs it once and retreats a step as if not wanting to be swayed.
My arms hang slack at my sides, suddenly I don’t know what to do with myself. What am I meant to do in this situation? I’ve never brought a man in front of Ares before. The only man he's met has been James and he rarely bothers with him. So I do what I do in these situations. I ramble. “Ares hasn’t really been around any men before and he wakes up quite early-“
He cuts me off. “You named him Ares? Like the Greek god of war?”
“I wanted him to have a strong name.” I never want Ares to feel how I did when I woke up after my brother's funeral. I never want him to feel so broken that he can't see a way forward. The Greek gods are the original superheroes, it just felt right.
Enzo smiles and tugs me to his body so I'm pressed up against him. “Fitting, as his mother is Athena.”
I press my face into his chest breathing him in. It's enough to make me cry again. “Will you sleep here?” I ask against his chest.
“I'm never leaving you again.” He murmurs into my hair. If words were plasters, that sentence would be the first in patching up the planet-sized hole inside my chest. I let out a relieved breath and hug him a little tighter like somehow I can pour him into me and everything won't be so horrific. He pulls back and takes my face in his hands, leaning down to press his forehead against mine just like he used to and closes his eyes. The gesture makes my chest hurt because it always felt like his way of telling me he loved me. When words weren’t enough, that gesture did more.
I pull away from him, my hand lingering on his fingers like if I'm not touching him he'll disappear. “I’m just going to check on Ares.” He nods and I leave him to go into the living area. We used to have a large pantry but I turned it into Ares’ room after I kept waking him up with my nightmares. It's big enough just for his crib and an armchair so I can read to him. Julius pads beside me as I slide the doors open and walk over to his crib to peer over. He's fast asleep, flat on his back with his arms up. Julius hops up onto the armchair and curls up, head laying on his paws and positioned to keep watch of Ares. I brush some hair from Ares’ peaceful face and take a moment to breathe. Turning to look at Julius, I tell him, “He won't hurt us.” He doesn't look convinced. I pet his head quickly before heading back to my bedroom.
Enzo stands before my floor-length mirror, eyes fixed on one of the photos taped there. I come to stand behind him and wrap my arms around his waist. He lets out a weak breath. It's of me and Ares just after I gave birth. Hannah took it. I'm pale from blood loss and still in the hospital gown as I stare down at him. I look young and scared but his eyes are open, unfocused of course but it looks like he's staring back at me.
He reaches out and touches another photo. It's of me and Enzo when we were watching one of Luca’s fights, Benny took it. Enzos sat on a bar stool and I was perched on his lap, both his arms wrapped around my waist as he looked at me, the tiniest hint of a smile on his mouth.
His face turns mournful and he moves to sit on the edge of my bed. I come to stand between his legs pushing my hands through his hair. “That was a good night.”
He looks up at me and a sad smile pulls at his lips, it pulls at my chest. “Every moment with you was good.”
I bring my lips down on his and kiss him gently. His hands rest on the backs of my legs. I deepen the kiss, opening up my mouth for him. I feel him warily pull back and a shred of anger flies through me. He pulls back and his eyes are unsure when he looks at me. “No, Casimira. We don’t have to do this, not after-“
“Stop.” I snap “Don’t treat me like I'm broken, please. Not you, okay?” I’m fed up with being treated like I'm a piece of broken china, nobody wanting to say something that will trigger or upset me. I can handle it from everybody else but not him.
His eyes flare and his jaw sets. “You will never be broken.” He says fiercely. “Not ever.”
It feels as if he's cracked open the ice casing around my heart. I keep my eyes on his as I climb onto his lap and slip his coat off his shoulders. “We need this. I need this.” His eyes soften and he lets me slip his T-shirt over his head. He has new scars. A fair few of them. I run my fingers over the large one on his shoulder and he flexes, the tension rippling through the muscle.
He sniffs a laugh. “A wedding present from the Bratva.”
