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Avery’s words from the other day sneak in. She’s right. I need to tell Lucas the truth. All of it. Not just the abbreviated version I told Kellan.
And if I’m hoping to survive the rest of the day, I can’t delay any longer. I’m a decrepit high-rise. One strong gust of wind, and I’ll turn into a pile of rubble. “It’s nothing. Go take a shower, and I’ll make you something to eat.”
Usually if I tell him to go take a shower, he tries to get me to join him. Not this time. He plods upstairs without another word to me.
I push myself to my feet.
I can do this. One step at a time.
My legs are no less shaky than before, and even though the vise around my chest loosened a bit from talking to Kellan, seeing Lucas has retightened the screw.
While I wait for Lucas, I put away the cleaning supplies and start making some food for him. It’s early for dinner, but he’s probably hungry. He usually is after returning from a search and rescue mission.
I’ve just finished making him a sandwich when he walks into the kitchen. He grabs a beer from the fridge and takes his food and drink to the dining room table.
I haven’t eaten all day, but I’m not hungry. I don’t even bother getting myself a drink. I just want to get this over with.
Clutching the floppy bunny for emotional support, I sit at the head of the table. My stomach feels like I’m on a roller coaster, and the ride’s operator is leaning on the acceleration button. I want to grip onto the edge of the table, squeeze my eyes shut, and pray this nightmare ends soon. Pray the nonexistent contents of my stomach stay put.
My gaze lands briefly on the floral arrangement in front of me, and I take the second to pull myself haphazardly back together again.
Lucas takes a long swig of his beer. “Are you going to tell me why I found you and Kellan on the floor, and you’d obviously been crying?”
“It…it can wait.” The words come out barely louder than a whisper. Something about his worn-out expression warns me this isn’t a good time to spill my secrets.
“Tell me now. Before I start thinking the worst.”
“It can wait.”
“Just tell me, Simone,” he says on a weary sigh.
I glance toward the front door. And will my legs to carry me down the hallway, out the front door, and keep on going so I can avoid this conversation.
“Simone?” My name might be said with a questioning lilt, but the commanding tone in his voice is clear. I don’t have a choice. The longer I delay, the more painful this will be.
For both of us.
I nod and attempt to inhale a deep breath. The tightness in my chest prevents me from filling my lungs. Prevents me from calming the panic thundering inside me.
I focus on the floral arrangement again. Several flowers that were fresh when Lucas gave them to me four days ago are wilted. Brown spots mar the red rose petals. “I told you about the accident that resulted in the scar across my stomach.”
He nods and takes a bite of his sandwich.
“I didn’t tell you everything.” I tighten my hold on the bunny. The fur does nothing to ease the storm raging in my stomach, in my mind. “It happened ten years ago today. I was twenty-one weeks pregnant at the time.” I close my eyes against the forming tears, but it’s too late.
I thought there were no more tears left to cry after I broke down in front of Kellan. I was wrong. So very wrong.
I open my eyes and let my gaze drop to the bunny just so I don’t have to look at Lucas. “I lost the baby.” I bite on my trembling lower lip, desperate to keep it together for just a few more minutes. That’s all I need. Just a few more minutes. “I was rushed to surgery, but I started to bleed out. The damage was severe. The surgeon did what he could to save me, but because of that, I can’t have any more babies.”
I go quiet. Even the appliances behind Lucas seem to hold their collective breaths. We’re all waiting…waiting to see how he’ll respond.
Wetness drops onto the bunny’s fur. I tenderly wipe it away. “I lost my daughter that day.” I look up, eyes locking on to his. “I lost our daughter.”
I glance away, vaguely aware that I’m cradling the bunny—something I never got to do with my daughter.
My gaze returns to Lucas.
In time to catch Lucas’s expression shift from shock to sorrow to grief to hurt.
