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The room falls into shadows. There’s enough glow from the streetlight to see each other, but hopefully not enough for him to see the scars.
He closes the door behind us, then takes my hand and gently pulls me to the bed. And I do my best to focus on him and not on how my room, my safe place, might have been violated.
I edge my fingers under the hem of his T-shirt. They continue their upward exploration, pushing the T-shirt up.
Troy yanks it over his head and tosses it to the side. His thumbs trace across my nipples, hidden beneath my bra. The buds tingle in response, thrilled to finally have some attention.
Needing to have skin-on-skin contact, I remove my top. A nervous sensation surges in my stomach and spreads throughout my body. I haven’t been intimate with a man this way, without a gun to my head, in a long, long, long time, and it feels like I’m a virgin all over again, clueless at what to do next.
“God, you’re fucking beautiful,” Troy murmurs.
“How can you tell? It’s dark in here.” My tone is weightless with humor, tight with fear.
The low rumble of a laugh in his chest relaxes me, heightens my need for him. “It’s light enough for me to see that much.”
I resist looking down to see if my scars are visible. To do so will only bring his attention to them.
He reaches behind me and unhooks my bra. It’s white and practical and nothing sexy. It lands on the floor, joining my T-shirt.
Troy cups my breasts in his hands and gently kneads the mounds. My nipples pucker and plead, craving so much more. As if hearing their soundless demands, Troy pops one into his mouth and sucks on it.
I arch back, and the air in my lungs whooshes out on a moan. Troy tugs on the other nipple, which almost leads to my undoing. My body’s on fire, needing so much more. I thread my fingers through his hair and pull on it hard.
“Jesus, I’m not gonna last if you keep that up.” Troy’s words pour over my nipple in a gravelly-rough groan, and it’s like gasoline doused on a fire. My body goes up in flames.Whoosh.
Troy straightens and removes his wallet from his shorts pocket. He opens it, removes two condoms, and places them on the bedside table.
I slant my lips into a shy smile. “You came prepared.”
He chuckles, the achingly sexy sound a low rumble. “To be honest, they’ve been in there for the past few weeks. I wanted to be ready, just in case.”
“Thank you.” I kiss him lightly, a brief brush of our lips. At least one of us was prepared for this.
Fingers trembling, I unzip my jeans and shimmy them down my legs. My panties come off next. I don’t want to risk Troy spotting the scars on my upper thighs. Cigarette burns. The marks that claimed I once belonged to someone else.
By the time I straighten, Troy is gloriously naked, his length proud and rigid. A new wave of nervousness washes through me, and I bite my lip.
I can do this.
I want to do this.
I’m a long way from feeling normal again. A long way from a life free of flashbacks and nightmares.
But this—this is different.
This is about me reclaiming a small piece of myself I lost a long time ago. It’s about my choices. About me having control.
I lie on the bed. Troy lies next to me and kisses me long and deep. The scent that is mountains and rain showers and hope wraps around me. Troy’s scent. I feel safe. I feel respected. I feel wanted.
I focus on those things. Focus on the roughness of his calloused hands. Focus on the beat of his heart beneath my palm, so steady, so sure, so perfect.
Troy pulls away from my mouth and plants soft kisses down my body. Every few inches, his teeth nip my skin, exciting nerve endings, igniting more flames of desire within me. My body is turning into a fireworks display, ready to burst into a billion stars, and the show is about to begin.
He reaches the junction between my legs and bends my knees, opening me up. Exposing me.
A delicious chill dances and swirls through my body. Troy kisses the inside of my knee. He’s just as I imagined he would be. A considerate lover. A lover who makes my body go weak with anticipation. He continues planting kisses along my inner thigh.
He separates my seam with his fingers. Then his mouth is on the part of me that’s never been touched this way. His tongue flicks along one lip, and white-hot liquid heat spreads throughout my belly.
