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I mean, I could lie and try to soothe her feelings. But the truth is that I’m going to end up in therapy for a while because of the damage that’s been done. Lying isn’t going to get us back on track. “Yes, yes you really did,” I rasp. “But I forgive you.”
Because at the end of the day, an apology isn’t absolution, right? It’s supposed to be a bridge, and I want to meet her in the middle. Maybe one day, we can get our friendship back to where it was meant to be.
Margot and I spend the next thirty minutes laughing and catching up, like we used to do before our careers and money came between us. It doesn’t undo all the damage to our relationship, but it’s a start. The sweet, sugary strawberry scent of her cigarillo fills the humid, warm air, and I breathe in its heady scent. When I look back toward the restaurant entrance, there are several security guards manning the doors. They aren’t letting people come out here. Because of us. That has to be some sort of fire hazard, I think.
She follows my gaze and sighs. “Are you serious? No one ever has their shit together, I swear.”
“It’s alright. If it’s all the same to you, I think I’d like to call Xavian for a ride now.”
Margot looks back at me and smirks. “I like who you are when he’s around, by the way. You seem to be having fun,” she says casually, as though remarking on the weather. “Your new guard, that is. I’m glad I hired him.”
“Why did you hire him, anyway?”
A corner of Margot’s mouth tilts upward and she says, “I recognized him from that night in the dive bar. The one you escaped to when you snuck out of the hotel. Remember?”
I blink. “Wait, that was him?”
“Mmhm.” She chuckles. “I guess you weren’t paying close enough attention with that damn hoodie over your face. Anyway, when he showed up to his interview, I considered rejecting him immediately. But then I thought… damn, any guy willing to put their neck out like that for a stranger is probably a good person. He had dogged determination.”
Huh. That does sound like Xavian. Determined, kindhearted. I’m really glad she chose him.
I tilt my head to the side and smirk in return. “He’s been great. We watched the Oscars together when he was in the hospital.”
Margot’s eyes twinkle, matching the stars above us. “Really?” She puffs out a ring of pink smoke. It’s been ages since I’ve seen her do that. “Do you remember when we used to do that? We’d have an entire spread of food laid out, and every dish symbolized one of the nominated films.”
I snicker. “That was fun. Maybe we should try doing that again. The three of us.”
“I’d like that. I’d love to be able to go back to just doing fun things with you all the time, like we used to. This job … it’s the tits. Working with Luthor has been balls. Always breathing down my neck, yelling at me, making demands. Like he treats you, but he does it to me first.”
Frowning, I shuffle a little closer to her. It’s my turn to play the role of supportive best friend now. “Do you ever wonder what our lives would be like if we just … quit?”
She pulls back and stares at me, her mouth twisted to the side. “Quit? We can’t quit now. We just got here. And you’re making millions. Why would you want to give up that kind of money?”
Shrugging, I say, “Because money’s not all that’s cracked up to be, I guess.”
I hug my knees into my chest and glance back at the doors. “What if … what if I want to be a little less successful? I don’t have to go on galaxy-wide tours to be happy. Fuck, I don’t even need that much money to be happy. It’s all meaningless, anyway. I just want to be myself, and to spend time with you like we used to. It was so much more rewarding when we were sleeping in crappy motels.”
Margot chuckles sadly and shakes her head. “I’m not sure it’s possible to put the genie back in the bottle now that it’s out, Kal. But we can at least make some better choices from here on out. Starting with fixing this mess the tabloids have made.”
I arch an eyebrow at her. “What do you mean?”
“I’m not your publicist, so take what I’m going to say with a grain of salt. But do the charity event. Write some songs. The kind of songs you like to sing. Not the over-produced garbage the execs keep making you record. Something real. You don’t have to come out at the show, of course. But … I’ll go over to Terra and grab you a bi pride flag to wear or whatever, if you want. Just saying.”
Terra is still the only planet where pride merch is sold, mostly because pride is still necessary. As much as it hurts to admit, Terrans and Lunans haven’t given up their bigotry yet.
My throat tightens at the thought of coming out officially. It terrifies me, how my fans will react. So far, the truly nasty homophobic trolls with nothing better to do than sling mud at me have been sticking to the dark corners of the internet, but there’s no way Luthor convinced the entire dining room to delete those videos of my meltdown before they got uploaded. Absolutely no way. It’s going to get out one way or another.
“It’s just a suggestion,” Margot says. “And if we also hit the mental health angle, about how this has been super stressful for you, being outed like that….” She trails off as she sucks down the last of her cigarillo, then flicks the rest away. “Maybe it would help someone. There might be other women out there like you, who feel like they aren’t represented in the media.”
If I’m going to be a role model, then let me at least be a role model for young queer girls across the universe, right? I can get excited about that, especially if I’m allowed to write my own songs.
“Deal,” I say, grinning. “I’ll do it.”
“Really?” Margot looks over at me like she was expecting more of a fight. To be fair, I’ve been fighting her every step of the way for the past three years now. It’s gotten us absolutely nowhere. It’s time to try something new.
“Yeah. I think you might be onto something. Maybe I should fire Lydia and hire you as my publicist instead.” I offer what I hope is a cheeky grin.
Margot laughs again and nudges my shoulder. “God, no. I’m busy enough as it is! I don’t want that job. But I think hiding you away at some ‘health and wellness spa’ isn’t going to help. It’s just going to reinforce the public opinion that you’re unhinged. Which you’re not. You’re just….”
