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I stopped myself—somehow—and sat up quickly. I didn’t needanotherrejection. They hurt too much, and my pride had taken enough of a beating already.
“Are you okay?” Hayden pressed his palm to my forehead. “Your face is flushed. Are you sick?”
I bit my bottom lip to stop a moan from escaping, frustration eating away at me. He wanted to talk aboutmeneeding to be careful? Aboutmenot understanding men’s desires, but he was the one who didn’t seem to get it!
He kept touching me, even after knowing how I felt, after rejecting me. It suddenly felt overwhelming and unfair, the chaos in my body impossible to ignore.
“I’m not sick.” I slapped his hand away then got to my feet, embarrassed by my overreaction, by him not getting it. “I’m just overheated,” I lied. “I’m going to go shower and cool down.”
I didn’t wait for him to say anything before escaping the yard and hisfartoo tempting body.
Talk about someone who needs to stop walking around wearing so little…
All I knew for sure was that I’d need to deal with this need inside me before I did something stupid—again—and made a fool of myself.
* * * *
Kenz
It wasn’t even dark yet, but as it turned out, my libido didn’t care about pesky details like that. I’d showered the sweat from sitting in the sun off, but even cold water hadn’t cooled the heat inside me at all.
When I got out, wrapped in a towel, I realized I couldn’t keep going on like this. That want inside me just kept getting worse, and I saw no way it would change in the near future. I wasn’t magically going to end up with a partner, especially with how my life was going currently.
Sometimes a girl has to take care of things herself.
The mattress gave as I sat on the end of the bed. I dragged my fingers over my lips, the softness giving beneath the touch, as I imagined the warmth and press of someone else.
I pictured my fingers were someone else’s as I moved them down my throat. I shivered, my skin electrified from both the shower and from seeing Hayden shirtless.
Really, who could blame me? I lived with four men who werefarmore attractive than was fair. Every day I was surrounded by a feast but here I was, starving.
When I reached the line where the towel wrapped around me, I tugged the terrycloth free. Something about doing this in the sunlight felt so much different than at night. It made me feel sensual and sexy in a way I didn’t normally. I could have crawled beneath the blankets, but the heat made me not want to, my skin still damp from the shower.
So instead, I scooted up on the bed, leaving the towel there at the foot. I rested my back against the large, incredibly soft pillows. My eyes slid closed so I could focus on the feelings instead of anything else.
It also let my mind drift. When I was out there, in front of the others, I had to pretend I didn’t care about them as much as I knew I did. I had to keep it all to myself or risk another lecture and rejection. Here, though?
Alone in the room, with my eyes closed and my fantasies playing out in my mind, I didn’t have to force or fake anything.
My nipple tightened beneath my gentle coaxing as I moved one hand to my breast. I thought back to how skillfully Vance had touched me, trying to replicate what he’d done.
I parted my lips and let a soft moan escape, trying to keep it quiet but unable to silence it entirely. I teased my nipple, shifted between light brushes over the tip before dragging my nail against the hardened point. Meanwhile, I slid my other hand down my front, over my damp skin, passing my stomach, my navel, to the juncture of my thighs.
I hadn’t grown up unaware of my own body, or raised to think it was dirty. This was far from the first time I’d enjoyed some private time—though I hadn’t since coming here—yet this felt even better than usual.
Maybe it was because I finally had a face in my mind? Before, I’d picture identity-less people. They’d been bodies and hands and lips, but that was it. They’d meant nothing to me, had lacked any connection, anything that made my heart race.
This time, however, they had faces.
I pictured Vance’s playful smirk, the way I knew everything would be a fun game with him. IheardChar’s mocking tone, the way he’d probably tease me during, and the small thrill at how that bite of humiliation would make me want him more. I thought about Hayden’s strong hands, the way I always felt safe with him, how even if he was awkward most of the time, he never stopped trying to do what he thought was best for me. Lastly, right as I brushed my pointer finger through my drenched folds, I pictured Tor there, his golden eyes staring up at me from between my thighs as he teased me with his tongue. The fantasy was so powerful, so real, that I would have sworn my finger was his.
Still, it had been so long since I’d done this, and I had no idea when I might again, so I found myself reluctant to get right to the good part. I’d never forgive myself if Iwham-bam-thank-you-ma’am-edmyself.
So I teased more, slipping along my wet pussy, dancing over the top of my hooded clit without touching it directly. It wasn’t enough, and almost of their own accord, my knees parted, spreading wide, giving me more room. I pictured Tor’s hands pressing them wide, exposing parts of me that no man had ever seen.
Andfuck,I wanted to be seen.
I wanted someone to look at me, not like a kid, not like a burden, not like an item to own, but as a woman they wanted because they couldn’t wait another second to touch me. I craved that with everything I was, to have a moment where I was the most important thing in the world to someone.
