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But…I couldn’t bring myself to cross that line.
I remembered how she’d slapped Vance, how she’d admitted she’d never had a kiss before.
I couldn’t take her firsts, not when I knew I couldn’t offer her the forever she deserved. I never wanted her to look back on me, on us, and hate us for taking things that weren’t ours to have.
But I also couldn’t walk out on her.
So I did the next best thing, or at least I told myself that. Sometimes, in my line of work, when a man knew he’d have to do terrible things, all he could do was pick the one that did the least damage.
I released her, then unlaced my boots and left them on the floor before I slid into the bed. I put my back against her pillows, wrapped an arm around her waist and tugged her against my chest. She fitsoperfectly there, cradled in my arms, seated between my legs, that I knew I was in trouble.
This girl had complete power over me, and I didn’t even want to fight it anymore.
Kenz
I froze, surrounded by so much of Hayden that I had no idea how to react. He still wore no shirt, which allowed the warmth of his skin to soak into me, only the towel between us.
“What are you doing?” I asked in a soft whisper.
“You were almost there, right?” His lips teased my shoulder, the touch soft and coaxing. “You’re the one who said you were horny, so keep going.”
“And what are you going to do?”
“You know what I told you before, don’t you? I said I’d always be behind you, that I’d support you, that I’d take care of you. That’s what I’m doing.” His voice came out dark and low, and his nearness made his whispers electrified my skin.
“So we’re going to—”
“No. I hear you, and I’m trying, but I’m not prepared to actually do much with you. I’m still afraid you’ll realize it’s a bad idea.”
“Then just leave,” I snapped and went to sit up.
His strong arm wrapped around me and pinned me back to him, the action pulling loose the edge of the towel so it started to open at the front. “No. You need this, right? And I was already here”—he pressed a sweet kiss to my temple—“so keep going just like you were.”
A petty part of me wanted to tell him to go to hell. I wasn’t some dirty movie for him to watch, after all. It felt unfair for him to put a limit there, to make it clear he wouldn’t get too involved while still getting to watch me at such a personal moment.
But the other part, the larger one, didn’t give a damn. It would take what it could get, no matter how little.
If this was all he’d offer, I was pathetic enough to happily take it.
So I relaxed, resting fully against him. His heart pounded hard and fast.Is he as nervous as I am?It didn’t seem possible, but his racing pulse suggested it. Strange as it was, him being nervous made me bolder.
I took a deep breath, then undid the towel the rest of the way, letting it hang fully open. It remained pinned between us, but if he glanced down now, he’d see all of me. Thankfully, with him behind me, I couldn’t tell if he did or not, or more important—how he felt about it.
His breath quickened, teasing my ear, my neck. “You really are beautiful,” he whispered.
I closed my eyes, letting his voice ease me and my fears. It felt like the world was only the two of us, just in this moment. I cupped my other breast, and the moment I touched my nipple, it reignited the desire from before, sparking it back to life.
It felt like the fire had never gone out, the way the embers burned even after a campfire died, ready to flare up the moment is found any fuel.
I gave up any worries about this, about how I looked, about what he thought. In some ways, I ignored entirely that Hayden was behind me, pressed against my back, because if I thought about that too much, my nerves would get the best of me.
I had him here—I wouldn’t risk ruining it early. Instead, I gave in to my own desire and moved my other hand down my body to the juncture of my thighs, to where I needed attention the most. My pussy was just as wet as before, and when I slipped one finger inside, it felt different than it had before.
Why? It still wasn’t as good as I suspected it could be, but with Hayden’s breath teasing the tiny hairs on my neck, I pictured him even more clearly.
“Just one finger?” His voice made me jump, but as much as it surprised me, it excited me. Real him wasso muchbetter than fantasy him, even if the real him didn’t touch me. “Are you really satisfied with just one?”
“I don’t usually…” My words drifted off as I spoke, the answer too telling, too vulgar to utter out loud. I’d already been as brave as I could manage by all but yelling at him that I was horny. Telling him I didn’t normally masturbate by fucking myself with anything was too far.
