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“I’m sorry,” she said after another long pause. When no one responded, she pressed on. “What you walked in on—that was probably weird, right? I mean, it had to be uncomfortable.”
“You’re the only one who seemed uncomfortable,” Vance said with a chuckle.
She gave him a harsh side-eye. When he smiled instead of appearing chastised, she sighed. “I’m serious. Look, as you know, I don’t have what you’d call a lot of experience with dating or dealing with men. I do know that people don’t normally do this with four different people, though.”
“Last I checked, isn’t your sister sleeping with four men?” Char pointed out.
“Yeah, but that was different. They were always together. The Quad are almost one person in four different bodies. You guys are different. You’re together right now because you have a shared goal. That doesn’t mean you want to do…whatever this is.”
I allowed a smile to spread across my lips, unable to help it in the face of how she tripped over her own words. We were essentially discussing the fact that we’d all been with her in some way, and now she struggled with that. She wasn’t sure that was okay, wondering if it was fair to us, if it said something negative about her.
I understood those sorts of questions. As a man who’d spent his life doing something seen as immoral by most people, I knew well the toll such questions took on a person, and I wasn’t even someone who normally thought that deeply.
For a girl like Kenz, someone who wanted so badly to be accepted, to be seen as good, her wondering if her actions made her bad would wear heavily.
Hayden set his bowl on the small side table beside his chair, then leaned forward, putting all his focus on Kenz. It sure reminded me of an interrogation, even if I doubted he’d meant it that way. “Are you saying this because you don’t like it or because you’re worried we don’t?”
“Does it matter?”
“Of course it does. Ifyoudon’t want to pursue something with all of us, well, that’s one thing. It’s your choice, after all, and none of us will push you or force you into it.”
“I might,” Char muttered, rewarded with me moving my leg and kicking him hard in his shin.
He reached down and rubbed the spot, then moved his lips as though he were still arguing but silently.
Hayden shook his head but went on, ignoring Char’s little comment and my retaliation. “So if you don’t want this, if you don’t like it or it makes you unhappy, that’s fine. We’ll back off. However, if this is just you worrying that we’re unhappy or jealous or that something like this is wrong, well, that’s a whole different matter.”
Kenz shifted in her seat, as though that might help her mind catch up with our conversation. She ran her finger along the edge of the bowl, her gaze locked on the food. Was she working through her thoughts until she could make sense of them?
It felt like an eternity later when she finally spoke. “I don’t dislike it,” she said softly.
Well, there’s one hurdle.
I wasn’t sure how I’d react if she’d said she didn’t enjoy her time with us, if she felt forced or manipulated into any of it. Her admitting that she at least didn’t hate it, well, that was something, right?
“I’m sensing a ‘but’,” Vance said. “No one starts a statement off like that unless they plan on saying a ‘but’ afterward.”
“But,it doesn’t seem right. I didn’t exactly grow up with a normal family, but I sure know it wasn’t a mom and four men. How does that even work? Nem makes it work, sure, but she’sNem.If she decided that night was day I wouldn’t be shocked when the sun rose at midnight. So her managing it doesn’t mean that I could. What happens when one of you gets jealous? When you decide that this doesn’t work? What happens when I end up losing you all?”
Fear drenched every word. No matter what she said, what excuse she came up with, it all held the same undercurrent. The girl was terrified, and it came out with this pulling back.
I set my bowl down and slid closer to the swing, then placed my hand on her knee, squeezing once to reassure her. I offered her a slight smile to press the point.
She gave me a smile back, though hers held gratitude. Yet again, I fell harder for her somehow, even though I wondered how that was possible.
“If I had a problem with how things are, I wouldn’t have set a hand on you.” Char shrugged as if it were obvious. “If this whole thing with all of us bothered me, I wouldn’t just ignore it. I’d say something and I wouldn’t have put myself in the position. As I recall it, I literally pushed your head down on Tor’s cock—not only did it not bother me, but I enjoyed it.”
Hayden choked at that, the action making me laugh softly. How could he be the oldest and still get thrown so hard when anything like that was said?
Still, Vance picked the conversation up next. “I don’t care about stuff like that. Women aren’t tissues that get dirty and used up, for fuck’s sake. I don’t give a damn if you sleep with them—I only care about the time we spend together, and that time is important to me.” He looked away after he finished speaking as if his words embarrassed him.
“You really don’t mind?”
“Not one bit,” Vance said easily. “In fact, maybe it makes me a pervert, but I can’t deny I got hard seeing you all wrapped up with Char on the couch like that. That’s a pretty good sign that I don’t mind it a bit.”
I glanced at Hayden to see if he was still breathing, but thankfully he’d stopped eating and drinking to prevent any more mishaps. Not that it didn’t change his expression, one that implied he didn’t think Vance and Char were helping in theleast.
Kenz peered down at me, her lips pursed, uncertainty coloring her features.
