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“I know I can’t do much,” I choked out. “That I can’t fight or track people or infiltrate somewhere. I realize that I’m not much use in a lot of things, but Icando this. I’ve lived my whole life in that world and I understand it. Please, I don’t want to sit back and watch something happen to you when I could have done something to help. I’ll listen to you, do whatever you tell me to, but please, let me help.”
Even before the last word left my mouth, I had my answer. It was etched in the expression of each of the men, a rejection that they refused to address or reconsider. Basically, it became clear that no matter what I said, how much I begged, what I did, they wouldn’t let me anywhere near this.
“I’m going to lie down,” I said, exhausted by doing this again, by having this same old conversation.
At least this time none of them stopped me. They didn’t try to hold me there, to make me understand. It was like they’d accepted my anger, my hurt. They might not like it, but they wouldn’t change their answer.
I closed the door to my room, the silence getting to me. I thought about Hayden and Vance sitting across from Pauline, a part of my brain replacing my own mother’s face instead. I’d grown up seeing my mother do the job Pauline did, had since then watched Nem taking over the role.
I wouldn’t sit here and wait to see the men I loved die because they were too busy protecting me to see what needed to happen.
If they didn’t want me to help—well too fucking bad.
I was Mackenzie Williams and the women of my family weren’t known for following orders.
* * * *
Hayden
Guilt sucked. No matter what I did, I couldn’t shake it. I’d reviewed papers from my company, I’d exercised, I’d showered, but none of it helped. A whole night had passed but I didn’t have any better idea of how to deal with it than I had before the sun had risen.
Each time I closed my eyes, I saw Kenz’s hurt expression.
I wanted to turn around and tell her okay, to give her what she wanted if it took away that sorrow. Except…I couldn’t. Doing it would only make things worse. It would give me a nice night but risk her life.
I couldn’t do that just so I got to play the part of the good guy.
A night of no sleep had put me on edge, since I’d tossed and turned all eight hours.
Still, I couldn’t just ignore her. We had to keep moving forward, which had me at her door by nine the next morning. I knocked, then waited.
The lack of an answer made my heart race. It took me back to what felt like a previous life, when she’d slipped our grasp and left the house to turn herself over to Lorien.
A sinking feeling in my stomach had me knocking again—louder. I paired it by calling her name, knowing my voice wasn’t nearly as calm as I wanted it to be.
Again, nothing.
I gripped the handle, finding it locked. I could have gone to my own room, gotten the spare keys, but that felt like it would take far too long. Instead, a universal boot-shaped key sounded great to me.
One size fits all.
I took a step back, lifted my foot and kicked hard, aiming for just to the side of the handle. The flimsy, hollow door cracked beneath my worry and fear.
I rushed inside, finding exactly what I’d feared.
An empty room, a bed that hadn’t been slept in, and Kenz’s phone and glucose reader on the dresser along with a note.
I’m sorry to do this again, but I can’t just stand by and do nothing. Please, trust me, because I can do this.
Kenz.
I stared at the words, terrified they were the last things she’d ever say to us.
Chapter Nine
Kenz
I knew I wasn’t great at infiltration, but I’d learned enough from Colton in the past to at least hop a fence when needed and check for cameras. It also had let me tiptoe through the men’s house and lift the keys to Vance’s fancy sports car.
