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Kenz
My eyes hurt, and I knew I looked a mess. I might have cared if I’d been anywhere else, but Dane, Bray and Rune had seen me at far worse times.
Besides, I couldn’t stop myself. The tears that had started at the house, when I’d realized that the men I loved had turned their backs on me, hadn’t stopped until I’d run out of them.
And Dane hadn’t let me go the entire time. He’d sat in the backseat of the car with me while Bray had driven, and when he’d brought me inside the large hotel room on the top floor, he’d just sat and kept his arms around me.
It felt so familiar that it almost hurt more. Dane smelled the way he always did, and his comforting hand rubbed over my back, as though to tell me I could cry just as much and as long as I wanted.
Something touched my arm, and I forced myself to turn my head toward it. Rune stood there with a bottle of water held out to me. “It’ll help with the headache.” His rough words made me laugh, even if the sound was downright pathetic. They really knew me, didn’t they? They knew that I always got headaches after crying.
And as much as I hated it, I’d been a big crybaby during a lot of my life.
Here I am, doing it again, proving I haven’t grown up all that much.
I forced myself to smile and took the bottle.
“You finally coming out of my chest?” Dane asked, his charming smile the same as ever.
Though, it mostly reminded me of Char, now, and no matter how much I hated to admit it, Char was better at it.
“It’s time,” I said as I twisted the top off the water and took a big drink. The cool liquid soothed my sore throat, as though to tell me that things kept moving forward. No matter how devastated I felt, I could keep going. “I can’t just sit here and cry forever, right?”
“That’s right,” Dane agreed, then looked down at his black shirt, at the mess I’d made of it. It had mixtures of tears and snot, the entire thing evidence of my heartbreak. “I liked this shirt,” he muttered.
“Yeah, well, you were the one who decided to hug me when I was crying. That makes it your problem.”
“You used to be such a sweet kid,” Dane complained. “You’re crotchety in your old age.”
“Myold age? Coming fromyou?Aren’t you getting senior citizen discounts now?”
Dane pressed a hand to his chest, mock horror on his face. “You should respect your elders, young lady!”
The theatrics helped ease the aching in my chest, and for the first time since leaving the house I’d grown to love earlier, I felt almost happy. Or, at least like I might smile.
Fabric landed in my lap. I touched the soft and familiar cotton covered in cartoon ice cream characters. I looked up to find Bray standing there, his arms crossed, silent.
These reminded me so much of the ones he’d bought me before, when I’d still been in school, when he’d come to see me overseas. I held the pajamas, reassured by them, as though Bray used them to remind me that I still had a place.
“Thanks,” I said.
He nodded, then sat on one of the chairs at the dining table, turning it around to face us. He stared at me but didn’t speak. He didn’t often say more than needed, yet that hadn’t bothered me ever. In fact, I recalled how much I enjoyed spending time with him when I was younger, because I could talk nonstop and he’d just nod or offer up short, one- or two-word answers while just letting me go.
“We can plan a time to get all your things,” Rune said. “Colton and I could pack ’em up so you don’t even have to go back.”
The idea of going back to that house broke my heart, but the idea of sending them was just as bad. “There’s nothing important there other than the photo album.”
“What about your art? I’m sure you’ve got your sketchbooks and paintings there,” Rune asked.
“I can always redo it.”
Rune frowned, lines in his forehead that said he didn’t care for my response. “You love your work, Kenz. It’s worth saving.”
“I don’t think I can look at the things from there.” My chest tightened even thinking about it. Each brush stroke I’d added held too many memories, as though my own feelings had bled in with the paints and I couldn’t ever separate them.
“We’ll get it all and put it in storage,” Bray said, his voice even despite the tension. “You might want it later.”
I shook my head. The idea that I could ever look back fondly on this didn’t seem possible. It all hurt too much, and I doubted time would change that.
