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I smiled widely, surprised by how uncomfortable that mask felt. Perhaps I’d gotten so accustomed to not using it around Kenz and the others that it chafed more than it had previously, or maybe I’d just not noticed the discomfort before. “You strike me as strange.”
“Oh really?” She gathered the paint brushes from Kenz’s art supplies, placing those in one of the bags. “How so?”
“You fit what I’d heard about you. Tough, terrifying, takes no shit from anyone.”
“Don’t you find mob bosses are like that in general? I’m not sure why that seems strange to you.”
“That isn’t the strange part. I just struggle to connectthatwith Kenz’s sister. She’s about as far from that as a person can get. So with you two being related, I thought you’d be more similar.”
“Well, we don’t share a father.”
“Right. Your father is Jarrod.”
Nem turned and lifted her eyebrow, the expression showing she hadn’t expected me to know that much. She recovered quickly, then went back to sorting through Kenz’s art supplies. “Well, at least you aren’t entirely useless, I suppose.”
I thought the conversation would end there, but to my surprise, Nem continued. “The truth is that Kenz is an anomaly. She takes after neither of her parents in a lot of ways. Our mother was tough and serious. She cared about family and had a temper to burn the world down if pushed. Both of her parents were cunning and secretive and perfectly suited for life in the world of crime. Kenz, however, has never been like that. Despite the fact she grew up around such people, she kept her softer side, her kind side. In many ways, it’s amazing that she could keep it, given how the world has tried to strip it from her.”
“You sound as though you care for her.” My own words surprised me.
Because of the rumors I’d heard about Nem, a part of me had wondered if she had a heart at all. Even when she’d seen Kenz crying, she hadn’t been the one who had hugged her, the one who had reassured her. In fact, she hadn’t said a word to Kenz.
“That surprises you?”
“It wasn’t exactly a warm reception when you saw her,” I pointed out.
Nem turned toward me and leaned against the desk. “In case you’ve failed to notice, I’mnota warm person. Anything warm in me died when I did. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t care for my sister. Everything I have in California, the power, the money, the position, I’d happily give it all up for her sake. I’m not the sort of sister who can speak sweetly with her, who can wipe her tears when she’s hurt, but I am the type who can and will destroy the person foolish enough to make her cry. Maybe that isn’t a normal love, but it’s what I’m capable of.”
What caught me the most weren’t the words Nem said, but rather the shadows in her eyes, the way she pressed on despite the clear pain.
Thatwas Kenz.
“Maybe you’re not as different as you think,” I found myself whispering.
“Oh really? And please do tell me how you think you know that? You, who has met me for all of five minutes and known my sister for such a short time? What grand expertise do you think you have?”
“Kenz workssohard for other people. Even when she’s hurting, even when she’s struggling, she never lets it show. She buries it down so she doesn’t trouble those around her, so she can take care of the people that matter to her.” I thought back and laughed softly—a real laugh, not even a forced one—when I thought about the time she’d brought me a snack. “One night, when I could tell she was exhausted from class, I told her to go to bed. I was up working late, but an hour later, there was this knock on the door. She came in, a plate with snacks and a cup of coffee in her hands. She was dragging her feet, about ready to pass out on the spot, but instead of going to sleep, she took care of me.”
The memory went further in my head, to the fact that she’d sat on the couch in my room, then all but collapsed into sleep right there as I’d worked. She’d looked so innocent in her sleep, her body just giving up the good fight, but even that close to exhaustion, she’d thought about me.
“That’s her sweet side,” Nem said, her severe expression having lost some of its edge, as though speaking about her sister had eased her and allowed her to let down her guard. “It makes me worry about her, but it’s also her strength. It’s what makes her special.”
“You do the same thing, though. Maybe not the same way, maybe it looks different, but it’s the same drive. She told me that you went back to save her, that you were willing to give up your revenge against her father to save her. You came out here without a second thought, knowing there was a danger, all to protect her. Even when you’re hurting or worried, you still put that aside to take care of her. Maybe you two aren’t as different as you think.”
She frowned, her gaze on the floor as though she worked through my words, looking for some way to argue against them. “I think she’s who I could have been if I hadn’t been broken so young. She’s the person I could have been, and I don’t want her to lose that. I know calling me wasn’t what you wanted, that you all knew what it would mean, but the fact that you still did it…”
She lifted her gaze, and for the first time, those silver eyes of hers didn’t make me think she might be plotting my death. “Maybe that girl is rubbing off on all of us, making us better people, because I know you called me despite the consequences, because you thought it was best for her.”
I thought about Kenz, about that sweet smile I knew I wouldn’t ever get to see again. It fit, though. Kenz was a light that shattered the darkness, that reached into the deepest pits that I’d thought couldn’t be escaped from. She changed the world around her just by being who she was.
She could make a woman like Nem give a damn about someone else, could get her to soften and smile. She could get Jarrod to act like a father, could get killers like the Quad to behave like doting big brothers, and she could make me give up what I thought mattered most to me all because she forced me to recognize how much more she mattered.
“That sounds like Kenz,” I said with a soft, empty laugh.
“I’ve spent enough time around death to see it coming. You don’t think you’ll survive Lorien, that you’ll make it back out alive. I’m not going to stop you or tell you to do things differently. All I’m going to say is that I hope you make it back. Who knows, if you do survive, if you ever see Kenz again, maybe I won’t want to kill you for breaking her heart anymore.”
If only that were possible.
* * * *
