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Lifting my eyes to his, I saw the purest lust I'd ever seen floating in those dark blue eyes. "You still desire me?"
Hartwin almost laughed. "I said I didn't love you. I didn't say I'd forgotten what it felt like to be with you."
On impulse, I kissed him, and Hartwin responded. His hand supported the back of my neck as his mouth crushed mine with suppressed need. My back hit the wall. Hartwin lifted my thighs to his hips. I was lost in our kiss, in his touching my bare skin beneath my skirt. For years I had wanted nothing more than to have Hartwin touch and kiss me just one more time. Finally, I was getting exactly what I'd always wanted, but I wasn't free to anymore.
Hartwin withdrew from me with forced control. Without meeting my eyes, he tidied himself up and moved towards the door. "Hart?" I breathed, suffocating under such intense emotions. "You're all I've ever wanted."
Hartwin looked at me then. The anger in his eyes tore me apart like his abandonment did over two years ago. He'd begged me when I first came to the palats not to take his honor. My selfishness nearly did just that. Sliding the door open, Hartwin stepped through and shut it behind him. Just like that, I'd lost the man I loved all over again.
Stumbling to the bed, I fell upon it and stayed that way until the door slid open just on sunset. Hartwin stood watching me. Eventually, he sat next to me on the bed. "Was there a fidelity clause in your joining contract?"
"We don't have them. Fidelity is just assumed in Avalonia."
Hartwin touched my shoulder tenderly. "Not in Cyra. Luther probably did not insist on it because he could not be sure you would be willing to be with him. You may have refused him except for when you needed to provide a child. He allowed himself the freedom to find release elsewhere in case, but in doing so, he has allowed you that same freedom."
Sitting up, I frowned at Hartwin. "You're saying I'm free to take lovers?"
"Maybe. As long as the children you bear are Luther's… he has no legal rights to object to you doing so." Hartwin looked out the window. "Though, I would suggest you not publicly advertise doing so. Cyrans do not judge someone for partaking in a natural occurrence. It is why to become a royal guard, we stay celibate for five years. To our people, that shows great restraint and patience. Avalonians believe in taking multiple lovers until you join. But the Praldians are not like either of us."
Lying back on the bed, I stared at the wall opposite me. "I didn't advertise my lovers previously for a good reason."
"Yes, I know. No one knew if you had one or not. Come on, you need to eat."
When Hartwin stood, I sat up, observing him. "You don't hate me?"
"I did." He shrugged. "I feel like I betrayed my prince, Zira. Once I tell him what happened, it should… soothe things."
"Tell him?"
Hartwin nodded. "He gave me permission to comfort you, remember?"
My eyes bulged. "I don't think that's what he had in mind, Hart!"
Taking my outstretched arm, pointing to the wall that I could still feel pressing hard into my back from earlier, Hartwin laughed. Pulling me to stand, he walked me out to the empty sitting room to eat.
"Do you know how many of her personal guard Luther's mother, the Queen, has taken as lovers?" I shook my head as he placed me in a seat in front of a large serving of food. "All of them. And, half of the King's personal guard, plus several officials, laborers, staff…"
"I get the gist," I breathed, holding up my hands in resignation. I watched Hartwin smile, taking the seat opposite me. "Are you suggesting we be lovers again, Hart?"
He picked up his fork. "Let us just see what Luther says about today first. He has been with you now; he may have no inclination of sharing."
ChapterFourteen
The door opened, and the footsteps of someone approached the bed, but I was too tired to open my eyes. When I tried, I could just discern that it was still pre-dawn by the grey light in the room, but that's as far as I got. A heavy body slid into the bed with me. For a heartbeat, I worried it was Hartwin taking advantage of his post as my night watch. But as soon as the hard body pressed against me, his arm encircling my waist, I knew who it was.
"You're home," I sighed.
Luther kissed my shoulder. "We came back in the night, so no one would think anything of not seeing us alight from a ship."
"Okay." When I snuggled up against the warmth of his body, Luther mistook it as an invitation. His hand slid down my thigh and guided it forward. "Luther?" I whispered. He paused, ready. I could tell by the sudden tightness in his grip he was concerned. "I don't like this bed without you in it. I feel safer sleeping in your arms."
It was as close as I was going to get to admitting that I missed him. We'd been joined just over a week, and while I wasn't in love with him, the days before he went away encouraged a compassion for him.
Turning my face towards my shoulder, Luther kissed me tenderly. When the kiss ended, so did the tenderness, but I had grown used to the Cyran way many years ago. I'd learned to love their roughness as I loved Hartwin. I would always still desire to be touched the Avalonian way, but I would crave the Cyran way just as much if I must go without. Afterward, I slept in Luther's arms—the deepest sleep I'd had in four days.
"Zira, it is breakfast time," Luther's voice called to me from somewhere else in the room.
Opening my eyes groggily, I found Luther just closing a clean uniform shirt. "I'm so tired of late," I groaned, sitting up and collecting my robe from the end of the bed. I'd learned that the elite would just walk in unannounced at any time and started keeping it within arm's reach. I also never got out of bed without having covered myself just in case.
