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Chas settled into his seat. "I asked for the honor. You remind me of her, all that fiery passion when you're fighting for something you believe in. It was Kismet to be serving the Prince when you joined us."
"Fate," I yawned. "Fate has an awful sense of humor."
"Don't I know it," Chas replied quietly.
ChapterSeventeen
In the morning, I woke with Luther's weight and breath heavily at my back. Rolling quietly from the bed, I managed to get up without waking him. From the opposite corner, Hartwin lifted his eyes from his book to watch me. Now I was glad for having slept in my robe. When he bowed his head slightly to say good morning, I averted my eyes and stole myself to the bathroom.
Pressed the button to fill the bath, I watched as water poured into the empty tub from under the floor edge on each side. Once the basin was flooded, I threw in some fragrant salts and moved to the window.
The sun was still rising, glinting off the city's glass to the south, the city center still in shadow. In Praldia, the sun rose over the ocean, hitting the palats first, then slowly lighting the city from north and south until its rays rose above the palats and met in the center. For that reason, the city center was called Sistaljuset, the last light. The water cut off, letting me know the bath was full, but I stayed watching the sunrise. I wanted to see the rays of light meet in the center.
His footsteps disturbed my silence, causing me to curse under my breath. "The elite isn't permitted in here while I bathe." I kept my voice hushed, not wanting to disturb Luther.
"What I said last night…"
In the reflection of the window, I watched Hartwin move towards me. "Just get out," I sighed.
He touched my shoulder gently. "I never stopped being your friend, Zira."
Shrugging away from him, I glared at him over my shoulder. "You stopped being anything the day you left me by the river. We haven't spoken in two years, Hart, and now you want to be there for me?" Turning to face him, I kept my voice low. "I needed you two years ago. I needed you when my parents were executed live by the Broadcasters. But, instead, you abandoned me when I needed you most. Now, you are the captain of my guard, and I'm meant to trust you with my life. How am I meant to do that, Hart? How can I ever trust you again?"
"I have explained the circumstances."
"You explained them two years too late."
He pressed his palm to my cheek, pulling me close to him. "Zira, do not put this divide between us."
Stepped away, I put my back to him. "What did you think would happen? He'd take me as his companion; I'd give him his heirs and take you as my lover in his absences?" I shook my head. "No, Hart. Your father told me to leave and never come back. I left the dream of us, but what I should have done was leave Praldia and just disappear. Now get out; this is my time."
"Hart?" Luther's voice came from the door. "Leave her be. As a woman with child, her hormones are changing, making her emotionally unbalanced. For an Avalonian woman, that is like a grenade permanently armed. By lunch, she will have loved and hated us several times over."
Glaring at Luther over my shoulder, I hated him for making my feelings about my condition and not my heart. "You can leave with him."
Stepping aside to let Hartwin pass with a pat on the shoulder, Luther stepped into the bathroom fully. "I have to get ready for the day, and I also have needs to sate."
Facing Luther, I dropped my robe to the floor. He smiled, reaching for me, but I slapped his hand away, stepping into the tub. "You have a lover in the palats. Go and sate your needs with her." Sinking into the water, I started washing. Ignoring me, Luther slid in behind me. "Luther, I have the advantage in the water. Don't mess with me here."
He grabbed the back of my neck, not hard, just gripped it gently, but I knew a flick of his wrist could snap my neck. It was enough to make me freeze. Cautiously, Luther started massaging my neck with one hand. When I gave no further resistance, his other hand encircled my waist, pulling me onto his lap, where he started massaging my shoulders.
"You need to relax, Zira. I know you are stressed and upset by everything that has happened, but you will just make yourself ill harboring all this aggression. Not to mention, you are directing it at the ones who are on your side.
"I was unfair last night because I was worried about you. I'd just finished saying I wanted us to be equals in private, and I start treating you like a child." Luther's hands stopped moving. Then, picking me up, Luther shifted me to face him. "I have never had anything to lose before, Zira. If this all goes wrong, if I make one bad decision, I lose you and our child. They are high-stake risks for me to take lightly. So, give me the time and space to be sure of things."
Nodding, ashamed by my selfishness the night before, I slowly relaxed under the pressure of his fingers. "In return, I will try to be more understanding of how hard this all is for you. The joining, the assassination attempts, suddenly finding yourself with child." Running a strand of my hair through his wet fingers, Luther took a deep breath. "Being in close quarters with the man you love and cannot have."
"Luther—"
Luther put a finger across my lips. "I am not stupid, Zira. I heard what you said to Hartwin just now, and I heard what you did not say just as loudly. You waited for him. Until the day his father brought you before me, you waited for him to realize he loved you too. What you are missing is that it would not matter. You could never be together. Being his secret lover was the best you could ever hope for. You must know that?"
There was no way to confirm or deny it because while Luther was right, I hadn't known he would block our being together for his personal reasons. So, for a time, I believed there was a middle ground to be met. But now I knew the truth. It was always a hopeless dream. Closing my eyes as tears threatened to spill, I dropped my chin to my chest.
Hugging me to him, Luther held me tight. "I do love you, Zira, and I am free to do so. Maybe, one day, you will find yourself able to love me too."
Pushing away from Luther, I knelt in the middle of the bath with my back to him. Then, waiting to get my thoughts in order, I glanced over my shoulder. "You should go get yourself sorted, so you aren't distracted today."
Luther shook his head. "I dismissed my lover when you took me to bed without issue, Zira. She was free to find another and has done so. Admittedly, I did not expect you to be with the child so quickly; otherwise, I would have held onto her, so I had someone while you went through your closed period."
