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We sit in silence for an awkward moment. Neither of us knows where to start.
"Listen, Maya, I... I'm sorry," I start, stumbling over my words. "I'm sorry that I left you to deal with all this alone. I was wrong. I was scared... terrified, actually. But that's no excuse."
Maya takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry too... for pushing you away, Hunter... I was scared too, and I didn't know how to deal with it. I thought that if I could just... handle it on my own, then maybe it wouldn't be so real."
"I know... I felt the same way." I reach out and take her hand in mine. "But we can't do this alone, Maya. We need each other."
"I need you." She looks at me with vulnerability in her eyes. I know this is harder for her than it is for me. She's Miss Independent and here she is admitting that she needs me.
I won't lie.
Something about her words turns me on.
But the truth is that I need her too.
"I need you too, Maya." The words escape from my lips. It's the raw truth.
"I need your courage, your spirit. You're a whirlwind of sass and determination. You challenge me, you drive me to be better, and you bring light into my life in a way that no one else ever has. You make me feel alive, Maya, where I've spent so long just... existing."
There's so much I want to tell her. I'm trying to get it out without sounding like an emotional mess.
"I... I've always wanted a family, Maya. One that stuck together. I feel like I fucked up so bad with my first one. I've always told myself that if I have another child, it's going to be different. I want to give my child a home filled with love, where they always feel safe, where they always feel cherished."
I've never spoken about this to anyone. It's a part of me that I've kept locked away, hidden.
"When I found out about the baby, it scared me. I didn't know if I was ready to take it all on. But when I saw you earlier today when that man knocked you down... I knew in that moment that I want this family. And I want it with you. I want the chance to love and raise a child with you, Maya. Because if there's anyone in the world who can teach me how to be a great dad, it's you."
I wait for her response. It seems like she's taking forever to say something back.
Give her a minute to take it all in, man. She's overwhelmed.
Her mouth starts to open and I exhale.
"Hunter... I... I had no idea you felt this way. Your words... They mean more to me than you can imagine.” I watch her breath deepen. “I’m scared too, scared of facing this alone, scared of how much emotion I feel for you. It’s been terrifying and exhilarating all at once.”
I grab her hand and start rubbing her thumb with mine.
“Seeing this side of you... it makes me realize that I don't want to do this alone." She pauses and looks down. "I can't do this alone."
"You won't," I reassure her.
"Hunter, I've always wanted to be a mom. But I never imagined it would be like this... I've been beating myself up about it. Wondering if I'm ready, wondering if I'm good enough. I mean, how am I supposed to raise a child when I still feel like a child myself sometimes?"
I can feel her emotions beginning to bubble over, the tears welling up in her eyes.
"But when I think about it, when I really let myself imagine being a mom... it's you I see by my side. It's your hand I'm holding in the delivery room, it's your laughter filling our home, it's you I'm sharing all those little firsts with. And that thought... it's the only thing that makes all this scary stuff feel less... scary."
I take a deep breath, feeling a sense of relief after she finally is sharing herself with me like this.
"Maya, I want that too. All of it. The laughter, the firsts, the delivery room... everything. I want it all with you."
She lets out a small sigh, a smile playing on her lips. But then a look of worry creeps into her eyes. "What about my job? Can I have it back? I like working... and I like working with you."
"Well... I would never be able to find someone that does as good of a job as you. Trust me, I tried already."
Her eyes widen in playful disbelief. "You did what?! You tried to replace me?"
"I did. I put up a job listing, but nobody applied." I throw her a mocking grin. "Apparently, there were too many complaints about the boss being impossible to work with."
