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My relationship with Brad started to get pretty toxic, pretty quick. At first, things seemed fine. We fell in love, hard and fast. He flew me all over the country, wining and dining me. He said all the right things and made me feel like a princess.
"Let me buy you a ring."
"I'll take you all over the world, baby. Let's go to Paris next week."
It all comes flooding back into my memory. All the empty promises and grand gestures that sucked me into his vortex. I couldn't help myself with him. I felt drawn like a moth to a flame. And right into flames, we went.
The longer we were together, the more he started to try to control me. It's like he wanted to keep me in a cage for his entertainment only. I started to catch on when he started to make mean comments whenever I was spending time with my friends or even my family. I couldn't understand why it would be an issue. My therapist says it was a way for him to try to isolate me.
Who knows.
But then the degrading remarks started to come in too. It was like he flipped a switch and if I wanted peace in the relationship, I had to do what he wanted me to do. If I started to get too independent, he was sure to take me down a notch.
"You'd be prettier if you shut your mouth from time to time."
His words echo in my head.
"I don't know why it's so hard for you to listen to me. I know what's best for you."
I shiver thinking about it.
It wasn't healthy and I needed to get out of it. So, I broke up with him a little over a month ago now. It's been hard. I really thought he was the one when I first met him. I felt deceived by him. Tricked or something. It's hard to think about trying to trust a man again.
It feels like all I've done is be hurt by them.
"No," I say, shaking my head. "I'm done with all the dating bull shit. I'm just going to focus on my career for a little bit. My career can't fuck me over as hard as the men in my life have."
Maddy laughs and nods in agreement. "I hear that, sister. But hey, at least you got to experience it, right? You know what they say: no pain, no gain."
I offer her a high five which she happily accepts. "Yeah, I fucking guess... At least I made it out alive." We laugh and clink our glasses again before taking another sip.
"What about you? How are things going with Kevin? Anything new?"
Maddy rolls her eyes and sighs. "Oh, you know...same shit, different day. We get along great most of the time, but there is definitely something missing between us. I am bored out of my mind."
I reach out and squeeze her hand before taking another sip of my wine. “You need someone who can keep up with you, Mads. You’ll figure it out. Who knows? Your hot, daring prince charming could be right around the corner."
Maddy smiles and looks out of the window as if she can already see him.
"I applied for a few different nursing positions this week. I'm hoping something comes through soon. I need a new job ASAP. I’m dying of boredom at the firm.” I change the subject. I don't want to talk about men anymore. It's a downer.
"Keep me updated when you hear back. I'm sure you'll hear something soon." She grabs her cell phone and starts scrolling through Instagram as she continues. "I wish you would come work at St. Francis with me, though." She stops on a picture of her and her co-workers and shows it to me. "Imagine being able to work with your bestie.” She taunts the photo in front of my face.
“I’m sure it would be a blast. But we wouldn’t get any work done working together,” I laugh, taking one last sip of my wine before standing up. "I really want to get the position at Lutheran Memorial." Lutheran is one of the biggest hospitals in the area and they have a lot of opportunities for growth there. It would be good for my resume. "Plus, I think it would be a good challenge for me. I need something stimulating.”
Maddy smiles and nods in agreement. "I totally understand. All I'm saying is that if you decide to stay local instead... you know where to find me!"
We both giggle as I put my wine glass in the dishwasher and clean up a bit in the kitchen.
Maddy breaks my concentration. "So, what's Jake been up to these days? I haven't seen him or heard about him in a while," she asks, referring to my brother.
"He's soooo busy! He's been traveling a lot for work so I haven't seen him much either." I wipe down the counters with a damp washrag. "He seems to be doing well though. He loves his job.” I pause, thinking about him. "It's like... all he does."
I miss my brother. We were close growing up and we had overlapping friend groups. Since we've gotten older though, we both have our own lives and see each other less. It makes me sad sometimes, but I'm happy that he's doing so well in his career. He seems happy, so I shouldn’t be so selfish.
I pick my head up. "Actually, he's home for a few weeks. What are you doing tomorrow? He invited me to come out for dinner and drinks. Wanna come? We can all catch up!"
Maddy smiles and her face lights up. “Umm, yes! You know I don’t turn down a good time."
"Perfect. Meet me here tomorrow at 6 P.M.?"
"It's a date," she says, winking at me.
I smile at her, thinking about how we both need to let loose a little. It will be good for us.
