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I open my mouth and close it, the words too thick to come at first. I want to give him the answer he wants, but something in his eyes begs me not to lie and I find I cannot. After swallowing a few times, I’m finally able to rasp, “I don’t know yet.”
The weight is still heavy, but some of it eases, as if they both feared I would say no. Something tells me that they would offer comfort no matter what, but my heart aches with the knowledge that I can’t give any answer with certainty. When I jumped, I knew I wanted to die, but now . . .
“I don’t want to go back to my home,” I admit, looking down again, my wounds too raw and exposed to meet their eyes. “I’m more terrified of humans than I am of monsters.” A small chuckle slips out at those words, at the preposterousness of it, and yet it’s true. It’s humorless, desperate, and afraid, and it reminds me that I’m in the presence of souls kinder than I’ve ever known.
“Is there someone we can . . .” Weyland takes a deep breath. “I would avenge your pain if you’d let me,bacca. You only have to ask.”
His words remind me of the moment the king died, when my sister defeated the true monster, but I can’t speak about those wounds yet. I can’t speak about the trauma I wrap around my shoulders like a shawl, the pain weighing me down and making me feel as if I’m trekking through mud most days. It’s still too soon, and I can’t bear to speak of such atrocities in this cabin, my safe haven.
“There is no one left to hunt down,” I tell him, glancing up. “But had there been, I might have accepted your offer.”
What peace it would bring to watch the king be ripped apart by Weyland. What satisfaction it could have brought. Unless it didn’t. I have no way of knowing what will ease my pain. I only know that if anyone deserved to suffer, it was the king.
Weyland offers me his hand, and although I’m already holding Kaito’s with my left one, I reach for Weyland’s with my right. Where Kaito is like the cool depths of the ocean, Weyland resembles the warmth of the deep forest, their contrasting feelings absorbing into my fingers and spreading. The tightness in my chest loosens just a little with their kindness, as if getting such a small admission out into the open lifts some of the weight.
I realize then that Cora saw something she was never prepared to see if her own monsters were half as kind as these. It makes me question everything I know and rethink my view of the world, and I relax into their touch instead of pulling away like I might have before. But then I pull back from both of them because although I may be healing, it’s still frightening to bear my soul to these two monsters.
I opened up just a little and let them into the barest, darkest corner of my soul where nothing but cobwebs and pain lives, and for the first time in forever, the beginning of a spark starts to glow.
Chapter
Nine
WEYLAND
Her deep, gentle breaths are like cannons in my ears, each one reminding me of the pain she’s suffered. We don’t know what trauma she’s survived or what monsters have harmed her, but it stirs fury inside me.
For her to have jumped . . .
“Your growls are going to wake her,” Kaito warns softly, keeping his voice low so he doesn’t do the same.
I immediately stop, not having realized I was growling in the first place. “My apologies,” I murmur, shaking my head. “It’s only—”
“I know,” Kaito replies, his eyes trailing over to the beautiful woman as she sleeps.
She looks serene, missing the fear that mars her face when she’s awake, as if waiting for an attack, one that will never come. I will ensure it until my dying breath. Although that fear sometimes infiltrates her dreams, right now, she is at peace, and it settles something inside me. She’s content at this moment. It would do no good to go after the monsters that haunt her.
Her brilliant hair is spread out on the furs that make up her bed, a perfect nest created by Kaito. If not for the fact that he saved mybacca, I might have been jealous. What I wouldn’t give to make her a nest, though one day, I hope to make one big enough to nestle more than just her inside.
“She said there was no one to hunt down,” I say, glancing over at Kaito again, my brows furrowed. “My fury demands that someone should pay for her pain.”
Kaito nods. “Perhaps that pain has already been avenged, wolf, but sometimes pain is too great to eradicate with one single action. Healing is a long process.”
I tilt my head, studying this monster that isn’t quite a monster. I realized it from the first moment I saw him but didn’t think about it for long since the need to protect my mate was more important.
“You speak of healing as if you’ve done so,” I comment, watching him.
When Kaito looks over at me, something about his stare unnerves me. “You’re a smart monster, Weyland. I’m sure you’ve figured out certain details about me.”
I hesitate. This is Kaito’s home. I do not wish to be kicked out of it and away from my bacca. “Not monster, not human,” I say quietly, admitting that I’ve learned his secret. “But it means nothing to me. All that matters is that you are kind to Kai and you protect her.”
Kaito blinks at me and then looks back over at Kai. “You are a different kind of monster, Weyland. It makes sense that she would like you.” He sighs. “I was the king’s first experiment. I escaped into the sewers long ago around the Gilded Lands, but I found myself here, never fitting in with either side. I know plenty about healing because it took me a long time to realize that I didn’t need to march back into the Gilded Lands to slaughterevery human I came across. It took me years and years. It could take her even longer.”
Fear has me shifting—the fear that I could still lose my mate to something I cannot fight, to something I cannot protect her from. I only just found her. What I wouldn’t give to keep her safe and warm and whole. What I wouldn’t give to heal her broken heart.
If I could, I would take her past and scars as my own.
“So what do we do to help?” I ask, knowing I’m no expert in this process. Lycans handle things with violence and fighting, but this situation will take neither of those things.
