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“Sorry, I forgot,” he mumbles, lowering his eyes in guilt.
“Don’t,” I murmur, stretching out to cup his mouth. He freezes, his eyes wide as I peel back his lips so his fangs hang naturally. “They don’t scare me. They are part of you. You never need to hide yourself from me, though I appreciate you trying not to scare me.”
“You . . . You do not mind them? Even though they are monstrous?” he asks.
“I’m finding those who are outwardly beautiful are more monstrous than any being in these lands, so no, they do not scare me. I like to see them. It’s a reminder of where I am and who I am with,” I admit softly.
He watches me carefully before relaxing his mouth. “I wanted to die too, you know,” he randomly says.
I blink, freezing.
He looks away as if to give me time to compose myself, knowing how those words will trigger me. “My family, my den, was invaded and everyone was slaughtered. I could not save them, and I had to live with that guilt, but more than that, I did not want to live in a world without them, so I threw myself into battles, hoping one would kill me. It never did. I was too strong. The fact that I did not want to live gave me an edge and over the years, I’ve found reasons to want to live again. I cannot bring my family back or change the past, but I can learn from it. I believe the world does not give us more than we can handle. We just get a little lost sometimes.” He peers at me. “You became my reason the first moment I smelled you—a new reason to fight and live. I could hear my family howling their joy at me finding you.”
“Why me? Why am I so important to you and Kaito?” I question, needing to know. Some part of me already does, I guess. He looks away, and I turn his face back to me. “Please.”
“I do not want to tell you. It must be your choice to live, Kai. Not because you feel like you must for us.”
I can tell he won’t share this secret so I relax, my eyes going to the sky. If he is doing it to protect me, then I trust him. He’s right. I probably can’t handle the reason yet, especially when the desire in their eyes when they look at me feels like it’s too much. How could they desire a broken thing such as me? Is it because I’m simply the easiest option or because I’m a novelty?
“I lied to Kaito.” I feel him jerk at my admission, but he doesn’t seem angry, only surprised. “I have family, well, someone left, but I do not want them to know I survived.”
“Why?” I feel his confusion but no judgment.
“Because if I decide I don’t want to live, it would destroy them, so this is easier. The Kai they knew died a long time ago anyway. It is better this way,” I admit.
“I cannot imagine a world where it is better when someone you love is dead, no matter what issues they have or how much they are hurting. If they love you, they would simply be overjoyed you were alive and would want to help,” he reasons.
“Probably,” I murmur, tears sliding down the sides of my face and into my hair. “But I’m not ready.”
“Okay.” He takes my hand then. There is no judgment or guilt, just understanding.
“I see the way you look at me.” I turn my head to meet his gaze and he freezes once more. “I wish I could be the person who would act on those desires for you, but I can’t. I’m broken, Weyland. All I feel is pain with random bursts of happiness around you both. The darkness has me, and I’m not sure it will ever let me go. Not enough for what I see in your eyes.”
“I do not want anything from you,bacca. This is enough and always will be. Simply being near you and moving through life as your protector makes me happy,” he admits. “I cannot change the way I look at you when you are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen, but I would never act on my desires for you if you do not wish it.”
Part of me settles at that while another part of me mourns for the selflessness of this man, this monster, who so clearly wants me. Even knowing what he feels for me, I feel safe with him. Odd, I know. I must stare for too long because he squeezes my hand.
“I don’t know what happened to you, Kai. Hopefully, one day, you can share with us, but if not, know this. Both Kaito and I will do everything to protect you, even from ourselves. You never have to worry about our intentions. We might be monsters,bacca, but we have honor.”
“More than most humans,” I reply, meeting his eyes. “I don’t know if I will ever be able to put into words what happened to me. Everyone always said talking helped them, but for me, ignoring it helps. I tucked it deep into my mind, but maybe one day, I can try for you and Kaito.”
“Then we will await that day, and until then, know that this is all I want. I will gladly take every inch of you that you offer, and I will hold it close and protect it. We will not fail you, not like everyone else.”
Isn’t that the truth?
Except for Cora. She never failed me.
My poor, sweet sister just wanted to protect me, but some destinies cannot be avoided and neither can pain.
Pain means I am alive, though, and for the first time, I am beginning to see why life might be worth fighting for.
Chapter
Twelve
KAITO
The small creature I manage to capture after a quick hunt should be plenty to feed Kai, judging by the size of it. There will be enough for her and perhaps for me, but unfortunately, I don’t think it’ll stave the lycan’s hunger as much as I hope it will. I want my mate to know I can provide for her, so when I reappear with the bounty, I grimace and hold it up.
