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“You are not a terrible person or a terrible sister, little oblivion,” he states. “You were just hurting. Sometimes, we must suffer such things to rise again, and here you are, ready to face the fear in your veins and the pain in your heart. This is who you were meant to be. When you see your sister again, she will see that.”
“I hope you’re right,” I tell him, but despite his reassurance, that fear still fills my chest and tries to drag me down.
I’m not the same Kai who leapt from a tower though. I’m not the same woman who was terrified to live. I’m not helpless and broken.
I’m something else now, and I’m not alone.
Standing from my chair, I go to help the others pack what we need, if only to stop my mind from focusing on my racing heart.
It’s time to go home.
Chapter
Forty-Five
KAI
It only takes us another hour to finish packing. Each of my monsters wears a pack that can be adjusted if needed for their other form. Dade walks as a man for now, but I don’t doubt he’ll shift into his warhorse form at some point, and Weyland may prefer to wear his wolf skin once we’re deep in the Dead Lands. Either way, we made sure that the packs could be worn regardless. They refused to allow me to carry one, claiming that I’m already tired from my use of power earlier. I tried to argue, but it had been useless when I swayed on my feet. Now, we stand before the cabin, my eyes lingering on what has been my home for months and months now. It feels like a betrayal to leave it, but we can’t stay here, not while Merryl still hunts us.
Still, looking at the cabin feels like some great goodbye. I can’t help the emotion that lodges in my throat as I stare at the now dark windows and the closed door. Will we ever return? Will we be able to?
This is where I chose to fight to live again.
Where I faced my nightmares.
Where I fell in love.
I walk forward and press my hand against the wooden door. When I lean my forehead against it, I feel them circle me. Their hands touch me, offering comfort and strength. They understand that this has been our home, our safe haven, and now we must leave it to the forest. We may never return. We may never be this happy again.
“We’ll be back,” Kaito promises, his hand smoothing down my back.
It’s not about the cabin. It is, but it isn’t. It’s about the happy memories I have of this place, the laughter we shared within these walls. I hadn’t even been able to smile in the beginning, but these four walls witnessed my return. They’d been my shelter when I needed it, but the wood and nails are not what made it a home.
My monsters did.
“Even if we don’t,” I murmur, “that’s okay. We have each other. That’s what is most important.” I press away from the door and smile up at Kaito. When he takes my hand and squeezes, I square my shoulders and turn toward the forest. “Let’s go.”
As we leave, I look back once, taking in the darkness of the cabin, and smile. Whether we return or not, it’ll always have a special place in my heart. I fell in love there not once, but four times. I grew stronger there.
Within those walls, I was born again.
Growingup in the Shadow Lands, the thorns separating us from the monsters, I always thought the Dead Lands were . . . well, dead, but my time in the cabin and exploring the surrounding areas with my monsters has shown a completely different world.The forest has started to come to life in a way that reminds me that beauty is everywhere. Trees stand covered in fresh colors, their leaves sprouting and giving new life. Flowers bloom everywhere—in the trees, along the ground, in the bushes—as if breathing life for the first time. Everything pulses with life, and as we walk slowly through the trees, I can feel its heartbeat. The same lightning that flows through my veins lives in this world, trickling along the leaves and weaving through the ground. When I stroke my fingers along them, that pulse answers like I ask a question, and it makes something lighter in my chest. This is where I’m meant to be. This is who I’m meant to be.
When I start to slow, my exhaustion catching up with me, Dade transforms, and Kaito sets me upon his back to ride. The first time I rode him was a wild ride. Now, he only goes as fast as the others move. This isn’t a race, and we have to move carefully in case we come into contact with more hunters. We don’t know how many there are. We don’t know if Merryl’s party is the only one or if there are other hunting parties killing their way through the Dead Lands, so we tread carefully.
Cora’s castle is a few days’ journey at our current pace. I appreciate that we aren’t just rushing directly there because it gives me more time to prepare myself. The more I think about her reaction to seeing me alive, the more my stomach churns with anxiety. Will she hate me? Will she be afraid? Will she send me away?
I’m so lost in my thoughts, my fingers intertwined with Dade’s mane to keep from falling off, that I don’t recognize the danger right away—not until Dade freezes beside the others. I glance around, concerned, and then jerk upright when I see the creature before us.
Long and sinuous, the snake woman takes us all in, her eyes trailing over Kaito, Dade, and Weyland. She pauses on Rook,fear flickering in her gaze, but when she catches sight of me on Dade’s back, her fear is replaced by surprise.
What’s more, I recognize this monster. This is the snake woman we freed from the first hunting party. She seems to recognize us in turn, her shoulders tensing. She likely doesn’t see me as a threat, but my four monsters are.
“We mean you no harm,” I offer, holding up my hands. “We’re only passing through.”
Her long, beautiful tail shifts behind her as if the urge to flee is so strong, she can’t help but move. “You are the ones who saved me.”
Kaito glances up at me and then back at the naga. “Yes,” he answers for me. “The hunters are getting bolder, so we are going for help.”
